


Flower Girl and Gardner: A Budding Romance

by teareadknitsleep



Series: The Romance of Flower Girl and Gardner [2]
Category: Dear Sidewalk (2013)
Genre: #MeToo, Agoraphobia, Bullying, F/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:29:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 81,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25788865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teareadknitsleep/pseuds/teareadknitsleep
Summary: The Sequel to Flowers For A Gardner.  It's the next day and Flower Girl and Gardner are trying to figure out how to navigate a romantic relationship.  They both have emotional baggage to share and swap, but Gardner is holding back and refusing to disclose the most important part of his.  Flower Girl knows he's got a big secret he's not telling her and it's got her questioning whether she ought to accept him unconditionally while flying blind or to push for totally open communication, trust and honesty.  She wonders how they can live in a metaphorical house of love with a scary monster trapped in the cellar behind a door with a sign that says "DO NOT ENTER."  Hopefully, the people in Gardner's life will help him find a way to trust and open up to Flower Girl, before it's too late.There are sexually explicit passages in this story.  They're not gratuitous.  They're meant to show the development of a healthy adult relationship.  If that bothers you, please don't read this story.
Relationships: Gardner Langway/Original Female Character
Series: The Romance of Flower Girl and Gardner [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1870825
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

Joe Mazzello as Gardner Langway

Christina Hendricks as Leah Masters/Flower Girl

Friday mornings were usually Gardner's time to loaf around the house, maybe get some studying done before his weekend work shifts at the Good Time Bar and Arcade, and do whatever chores he had to accomplish before classes started up again bright and early at 8:00 a.m. on Monday. He had always appreciated having that chunk of unstructured "me time" to get his ducks in order before his hectic weekend of manning the arcade and making sure things ran smoothly for his motley group of kids who hung out at what they unofficially referred to as Gardner's Clubhouse.

On this morning, however, he was still sleeping when Calvin mounted the ladder to his boat and called out "Gardner, you have a phone call! Who is calling you at this time of the morning, and why are you still sleeping instead of setting the table for breakfast like you always do? What is the world coming to? Is there a glitch in the matrix or something?"

Gardner awoke with a start and realized that something definitely had shifted his world off its axis. For him to still be in bed, to have forgotten to set his alarm, to have veered from his routine, something cataclysmic must have happened. Suddenly the memories of the previous evening flooded his brain and then permeated his heart.

He had had his first semi-official date with the woman who sat next to him in his Literature class at the local college. They had attended a movie at school with a couple of their classmates, and afterwards he had accompanied her back to her apartment, where they had disclosed their true feelings for each other and had agreed to enter a true relationship of the heart. He had arrived back home last night as Gardner Langway, Leah Masters's boyfriend.

Gardner had drifted off to sleep in a haze of bliss with the scent of Leah's lilac perfume intoxicating his senses as it clung to him from having spent some quality time hugging and squeezing her so closely he felt their two selves fuse. He had been loath to part with that reminder of their blissful conjoining of bodies, minds and hearts, so he deliberately decided to wait until the morning to shower.

Flower Girl, as Gardner had mentally been calling her secretly leading up to their revelation of their warm feelings for each other and then agreed to continue using as her nickname once she discovered it when he let his tongue slip with it, was on the phone. Why was she calling him? Was something wrong? Had she had a panic attack? She had agoraphobia and panic disorder, and they had left the movie the night before rather abruptly because it was a scary movie and the audience's loud screams had startled her and triggered her anxiety.

Maybe it had nothing to do with her panic at all, Gardner worried with even greater dread. Maybe she was calling to tell him that she had changed her mind and didn't want to be his girlfriend after all. The night before, she had confessed that she was falling for him, or as she had actually phrased it, falling in love with him, and asked him how he felt about her. He hadn't been quite as specific about his feelings but he'd said he was committed to her well-being and felt sure that she was the girl for him. Because of some mixed signals he had sent her at the beginning of their acquaintance, she asked him for a spoken commitment to giving a romantic relationship a try and he had assured her that he was all in. But maybe now she was calling him to tell him it was all a mistake and that she had had second thoughts, Gardner fretted, as he pulled on some clothes and ran into Calvin's house to take up the phone receiver waiting on the counter.

"H-h-hello? It's me, Gardner. Flower Girl? Is everything okay?"

A gentle tinkle of laughter transmitted over the line lifted Gardner's spirits from his feet, where they had sunk, back up to his heart, where they fluttered at the sound of Flower Girl's joyous greeting.

"Yes, it's me! I just love hearing you call me Flower Girl, Gardner. Like I said last night, I'm going to pick a nickname for you, too. I think I'll call you Sweetie, since almost every time I'm with you, you're consuming something sweet."

Gardner smiled. No one had ever given him a nickname. "That would be nice. I'm honored."

"Soooo, Sweetie, what are you doing right now?" she cooed.

Gardner looked around, noticing that Calvin had his apron on and was mixing up a bowl of batter.

"Well, it looks like Calvin's making his special waffles, so I guess I'll be eating soon." He paused then took a deep breath and decided to be bold. "I don't suppose you'd like to come over and join us?"

"Oh! Wow! I'd love to, but uhm, jeez, that would mean leaving the house, wouldn't it?"

Gardner laughed at what seemed to be an obvious necessity, "Well, yeah, you're there, the waffles are here."

Flower Girl gave a flustered laugh "Don't make it sound like such a dumb thing to say! From my point of view, every decision to leave my house is a huge internal battle. I have to get myself psyched up for it. There has to be something really worth my while to overcome my fear."

Gardner kicked himself internally for forgetting her agoraphobia and how it weighed on her and colored every aspect of her life. "I'm sorry, Flower Girl, I totally took it for granted how easy it is for me to walk out my front door versus how difficult that is for you. Let me see, how can I make this worth your while, as you say?"

Calvin overheard that snippet of conversation and catcalled "Oooooh, she needs you to make improper suggestions to her to woo her over here? Offer to take her to your boat and show her your etchings, Gardner!"

Gardner glared at him for the dirty innuendo, but realized it wasn't a half bad idea on the whole.

"How about if you come over and I'll show you my boat? That's my home really. I live in it, as I mentioned. I've seen your home and now you can come see mine and see how I live, get to know me a little better."

He thought he could hear the gears turning in Flower Girl's head as they ground forward towards acceptance. While he waited, he held his breath and crossed the fingers on both hands. Noting her continued silence as hesitation, he decided to up the ante.

"Also, we have a horseshoes pit in the backyard. I'll teach you how to play."

Flower Girl laughed "Well now _that_ really puts the negotiation over the top! I can't resist learning a new game, now can I?"

Gardner gave a satisfied smile. "I never can. I love all games. Guess that's why I work at an arcade."

"That makes sense," Flower Girl affirmed. "Okay, you talked me into it. I accept. I'll be right over. I can be there in about fifteen minutes. Can you ask Calvin to hold off on making the waffles until I get there? I like my waffles like I like my men – hot and sweet."

She trilled with laughter as Gardner stuttered "Uhm, oh, oh, yeah, uhm, sure," and hung up the phone.

True to her word, Flower Girl drove up about fifteen minutes later and honked her horn. Gardner came sprinting out of the front door so that he could open the driver's side door of Flower Girl's car for her, like the gallant knight he pictured himself being for this precious, precious woman who had come into his life. He wanted to protect her, cherish her, do everything he could to make her feel honored and appreciated, and yes, loved. He felt shy about that last bit, but yes, Gardner was willing to admit to himself at least that he was falling in love with her. He just hadn't been brave enough the night before to admit it.

Flower Girl got out of the car, reached for her purse and slammed the door shut. Then she and Gardner looked shyly at each other for a moment, not really knowing what to do. Flower Girl ran a finger through Gardner's wet hair. He had hastily showered while she was driving over to his house and his hair was still damp.

"You look cute with wet hair, but the red color kind of disappears. I love that red tinge to your hair, like it's not quite brown and the red is this extra special gift you got because someone decided you deserved something extra."

Gardner blushed. "I've never felt special at all. Quite the opposite. I've always felt like a reject, like a castoff." He caught her finger and entwined her hand in his "Thank you for saying something like that. It means a lot to me." He kissed her hand and tucked it in his, leading her up the path towards the house.

She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. "Are you going to tell me more about those feelings sometime? Why you feel that way? And about the 'issues' you made reference to that you said make you feel like you and I have a lot in common? You mentioned that when I told you about my agoraphobia and feeling uncomfortable with people and liking to stick to routines and a small familiar circle."

Gardner paused before he opened the door for her. "I'm going to tell you everything eventually, Flower Girl. I promise."

She took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay. I just don't want to be the only one spilling open my baggage in this relationship. It makes me feel vulnerable and that's okay, but I won't mind it if you're willing to open up, too. Remember what we said? No phoniness and no secrets."

Gardner nodded. "I remember. Come on, let me introduce you to Calvin, who cannot wait to feed you."

Flower Girl paused on the threshold of the door and gave a little shiver. "You said he's kinda loud, right?"

Gardner laughed and said "Yeah, you could say that's one of his defining characteristics."

She chuckled and blushed somewhat shamefacedly. "Okay, it's just, you know, I get a little nervous around loud people and they kind of drain me. Don't blame me if I need a nap right after breakfast."

Gardner gave a small sympathetic squeeze to her shoulder and said "Hey, he's my brother and he wears me out, too. You'll be okay."

They entered the house and Gardner led the way into the eat-in kitchen. Calvin had on a frilly apron with daisies embroidered on it. He turned from the counter and extended his hand to Flower Girl. He was still wearing an oven mitt.

"Heeeeeyyyyyyy, I'm Calvin!!!! You must be Flower Girl!!!!" He noticed his error with the oven mitt, laughed and removed the mitt so he could shake her hand.

Flower Girl took Calvin's hand and shook it warmly, then tried to withdraw but he held on for another moment affectionately. "Oh, it's sooooooo nice to meet you! Thank you for coming over for my super special waffle breakfast." He finally dropped her hand so that he could gesture to his apron. "I put on my fanciest finery in your honor. See? Flowers! Get it?" He elbowed her good naturedly and she laughed.

"Yes, I see. You look adorable in it. I'm very touched by your attention to detail. And I'm pleased to be asked to sample your cooking. Gardner says you're a super cook."

Calvin threw up his hands in false modesty. "Oh no, I just do the basics. You know, just whatever the latest recipes are that I see on Food Network or Bon Appétit magazine, or sometimes I get my Julia Child book off the shelf and whip up one of her simple six-page recipes."

Gardner gestured towards the stove "Well it smells like something might be burning, Cal, so I think you had better attend to your pots and pans or we'll all be heading out to McDonald's for breakfast sandwiches."

"Ayyyy!" Calvin shrieked and grabbed the tongs, furiously flipping the bacon and jumping back as it spat fat at him.

"I'm going to show Flower Girl the backyard while you're cooking so we don't distract you, okay?"

Calvin kept his eyes on the stove and murmured "Okay, I'll give a holler when everything's done."

Gardner took Flower Girl's hand and led her into the backyard, through the unkempt lawn and over to the horseshoes pits. He bent over and took up a horseshoe. He appeared to be mulling something over in his mind as he let his fingers slide over the silver metal.

Flower Girl cocked her head as she watched Gardner get lost in his thoughts. Finally she asked "What's up, Sweetie? Watcha thinking?"

He came back to sensibility with a start and huffed a small laugh.

"Oh, I was just thinking about how many times I used to come out here to be miserable and exorcise the negative feelings about my last relationship. And here you are now, here _we_ are now, at the start of something new and wonderful, and I couldn't feel more happy and diametrically different."

Flower Girl examined him carefully, noticing that his facial expression was not reflecting his words. "And yet you don't look happy, I have to say."

Gardner raised his eyes from the horseshoe to look at her. "Well, it's just that I wonder if I'm entitled to that happiness, whether I dare be that happy, whether if I let myself be happy if it will all turn out to be an illusion." His lip trembled and his cheeks flushed.

Flower Girl walked up to him quietly, took the horseshoe from his hands, and tossed it gently away into the pit. She wound her arms around him and pulled him in for an embrace. Automatically Gardner wove his own arms around her, clutching her tightly to him, burying his face in her neck, breathing in her familiar, intoxicating lilac scent.

She spoke calmly, feeling his lips pressed against her neck. "Sweetie, I will tell you this as many times as you need to hear it. You deserve as much happiness as the universe holds. That's number one. Whether I'm the one who is equipped to bring that happiness into your life is still to be determined, but it is indisputable that you deserve to be happy. And second, just as you've said it's your mission to look after me and make my life as happy as you can make it, so I've pledged myself to you. You are my boyfriend, the man I care most about, and I will always try to look after your heart and well-being. We promised each other that and I'm so excited about that. Please don't second-guess us now. Remember we're on a journey together, and I'm scared of journeys, so I'm going to need you to be as brave and confident as I'm trying to be."

She drew back from him, seeking his reaction to her pronouncements. He answered them with a kiss. Gently at first, he pressed his mouth to her lips, then more urgently as a tear that had been teetering on his eyelid finally descended and ran down his cheek.

"Oh, Sweetie, that chick sure did a number on you. I'm sorry, but I'm going to need you to tell me the whole story today. We can't move forward until we get past her."

Gardner nodded and said "You're right. I know. But first, waffles, 'kay?" He tucked her hand in his and led her back into the house.

After they had eaten the entire mound of waffles Calvin had produced, they said goodbye to him and he left for work, leaving them to wash the dishes and tidy the kitchen. When that was done, Gardner asked "What's next, horseshoes or a tour of my boat?"

Flower Girl blushed and said "I don't know, I want it all, so I'll let you decide."

In truth, Gardner was both nervous and excited to show his brand new girlfriend his home. On the one hand, he wanted to show her around, let her see how he lived and have a look around and look at his belongings. They would speak volumes to her and convey much information about himself that it might take ages to divulge and describe about himself otherwise. Not to mention that the boat offered some privacy for them to perhaps resume some of the smooching and cuddling they had done the night before. But on the other hand, there were terrible opposing flashback memories attendant with both of these selling points when he recalled Paige's visit to his boat, when she had invited herself over to check it out.

She had claimed she wanted to see it and find out more about him, yet everything she touched or looked at she had either mocked, dismissed as trivial or disrespected. And even worse, she had taken physical liberties with him that he hadn't been ready for, like kissing him first when he felt like it should have been a more mutual decision, and then leaving him high and dry when she suddenly regretted her mistake.

So Gardner decided to postpone the visit to his boat for a little while longer. He cleared his throat and suggested "How about we play a game of horseshoes first?"

Flower Girl shrugged her shoulders and said "Okeydokey, Sweetie. Show me to your pit." Then she poked him in his armpit, emphasizing her pun, which made him giggle and snort. That made her eyes bug out and caused her to laugh raucously. "Oh! You're ticklish! That's good to know!"

"I am NOT ticklish!" he cried. "You just caught me off guard!" But he took off running into the backyard at a quick clip just in case. He made the mistake of looking back at her and tripped over a stray horseshoe that was lying near the pit and took a header.

"Gardner!" she yelled and ran to him as he rolled on the ground, writhing. "Are you okay?" She knelt over him, trying to see what if anything he had injured. He was moaning.

"Ohhh, it hurts," he groaned.

"What hurts, what hurts? What can I do? Where does it hurt?" she asked frantically.

"It hurts right here." He pointed to his lips. "Kiss it and make it better?" he asked, impish smile affixed firmly.

"Oh, you! Jeez, I really thought you were hurt, you stinker! Okay, here's a little something to make you feel better," and she leaned down over him and kissed his lips, her arms bracketing him on either side of his head. Just as she started really putting her attention into the kiss, Gardner reached up and dug is knuckles into her exposed armpits and started to wiggle them, tickling her.

"Aaagh!!! You really are a stinker, you know that, Gardner?!!!" she yelled, as she tried to withdraw from his grasp, but he held her firm, continuing to tickle her mercilessly.

"Yep, that's me. I'm the meanest tickle monster you're ever going to meet." He lowered his hands and started to tickle her belly, but that only gave her the opportunity to jump up and run away. He chased her around the yard for a bit, extending his hands out like Frankenstein, growling "I'm gonna get you, little girl..."

"Truce, truce!" she shouted, gasping with laughter and grinning like a fool.

Gardner lowered his arms and turned back into a man from a monster and said "Okay then. Ready for me to kick your butt at horseshoes then?"

She blinked a few times at his change of pace and said "Well that's not fair. You can't get all competitive on me yet until I learn the game!"

He shook his head and said "Sorry, I'm a games master by occupation. I can't help but be competitive."

She said "Well, I guess I have to respect you for your professionalism." She mumbled under her breath "NOT!" and winked at him.

Once Gardner had shown Flower Girl the ropes and she felt like she had a handle on the game, she asked "Okay, now that I'm all set here, do you mind telling me the story of what happened between you and your last girlfriend?"

Gardner sighed and said "Last and first."

She said "Humph. No wonder it was so devastating for you. Tell me more."

So Gardner unwound the whole story for her about Paige. He talked of how she went out of her way to befriend and seduce Gardner and then abruptly and fecklessly dropped him. He spoke of how they tried to remain friends, but that it had been apparent to him that Paige had only befriended him as an exercise in self-discovery and maybe even boredom, and described how once she had gotten herself a job and a new boyfriend she'd stopped talking to him altogether.

"In the end, I realized she wasn't the type of person I wanted or needed in my life. And to be honest, it dawned on me that I didn't even really _like_ her. When I would sit with her and hear her talking with my eyes closed and really _listen_ to her, I realized that she was flaky, self-absorbed and really immature. Not kind, not caring, not open, not like you." He looked at Flower Girl with a fond smile.

She said "Then I'm glad she's not part of your life anymore. You don't need someone like that weighing you down, and it sounds like she really didn't deserve you anyway. But it kind of seems like in a way, you're still giving her free rent in your head."

Gardner sighed. "I guess you have a point. I just don't want to make the same mistakes again, and I can't help but think that there must have been a reason why such a bad thing happened to me."

"You didn't bring this on yourself, Gardner," she said, dropping her horseshoe and walking over to him. She pulled him in for a hug and kissed his cheek.

He allowed himself to be cherished, but not convinced.

They continued on with the game, with Gardner giving Flower Girl a fair amount of trash talking. She laughed "Man, Gardner, you sure are a crankypants, giving a rookie such a hard time."

He shrugged his shoulders and said "I don't see a need for sugarcoating the truth for anyone. Nobody ever did that for me. Nobody ever shielded me or protected me from the hard facts of life."

Flower Girl couldn't help but detect a note of bitterness in his voice and picked up on some sort of subtext in his message. "What are you saying, Gardner? Is there something else about your past I ought to know about?"

Gardner rolled his eyes and huffed "Can we just _not_ , Leah? Not today. I think I've laid out enough of my pathetic past for you today." He dropped his horseshoe and walked towards his boat, leaving Flower Girl standing frozen clutching her hunk of metal, mystified and aghast.

It dawned on her that somehow, she seemed to have stumbled onto an electrified third rail in Gardner's defenses. She realized that as soon as she heard him call her by her given name. He never called her Leah, not since well before they had declared their mutual affection for each other and started dating. After processing her initial shock, she scrambled after him.


	2. Chapter 2

Gardner was standing near the boat's ladder, waiting for her, fidgeting with his hands in his pockets.

She stopped short for a moment, then sidled up to him for the last few paces, glancing up at him uncertainly through her downcast eyelashes. She said "You called me Leah. Is that your safe word now?"

He frowned and blushed. "I guess it might be. Sorry. I didn't mean to scold you or lash out."

"It's okay," she said. "It just took me by surprise. You kind of sounded like my father, like when I was a kid and I did something that displeased him. He'd call me by my full name – Leah Suzanna – and then chew me out."

Gardner mumbled "Father. Humph. Let's not talk about fathers. That's exactly what I didn't want to talk about."

She looked at Gardner quizzically, tilting her head like a curious pug, first one way and then the other, trying to read meaning into his statement but not succeeding. Finally, she decided to elide the substance of it and said "Okay, no worries. It's funny that you're using my real name as _your_ safe word because we decided that _my_ safe word is your nickname for me – flowers." She smiled to show him she was over their small kerfuffle and onto the acceptance phase of the discussion. "So that's cool. Now we both have one. I'll listen up and know what's what in the future and be better able to respect your boundaries."

Giving her a look that was half relief and half remorse, he removed his hands from his pockets and held them out toward hers to join theirs together. She took his hands and he guided her towards the ladder. "Want to see my boat now?" he asked.

"Yes, very much," she answered, and nodded for him to lead the way.

The boat's rich wooden interior was homey and inviting. Gardner made a beeline for a seat in the back corner. He said "I sit here, but you can sit anywhere else you'd like. Make yourself at home. You can look at whatever you want."

Flower Girl said "That's really generous of you. Letting me see where you live and poke around. I thought maybe you were over opening yourself up to me for the day."

Gardner sighed. "It's not that, Flower Girl. It's just that I don't want to tap anymore veins today, if you don't mind. But yeah, it's okay if you see all my stuff. I want you to see that. See who I am and how I live. That way you can figure out if I'm your sort of person."

Flower Girl frowned and stuck her hands on her hips. "Sweetie, unless you've got a bloody axe hanging over your bed or a stack of child pornography under it, then you're my sort of person."

He gasped and couldn't hold back a chortle of laughter.

She made a circuit of the boat, starting at the entrance, noticing the things hung on the walls and placed on the shelves, and complimenting him on the décor. Then she set her sights on the book shelves and her eyes glowed with delight and excitement.

"Oooh, that's what I really want to see! Your books!" She started with the bookshelf above the bunk and started to examine the books. He was amused, watching her open books, flip through them, and smell the pages.

"You do that, too?" he asked.

"Of course! There's nothing more intoxicating than the smell of a book, except of course the words on the page," she enthused. She kept thumbing through book after book, until she got closer and closer to the corner where Gardner was sitting. When she had thoroughly leafed through that shelf, she started checking out the books on the shelf behind him, but his brain froze up and he didn't move.

Eventually, she was hovering right over him, her body nearly flush with his face, her fulsome breasts almost pressed up against him as she reached for another volume on the shelf behind him. Suddenly, Gardner thought to himself that his choice of seating was genius. _'Sheer, genius! Brilliance. That's all I can say. Sheer, unadulterated brilliance!' as Wile E. Coyote would say to Bugs Bunny,'_ he fancifully thought to himself with a snigger.

Flower girl eventually caught on to the slightly compromising and naughty ergonomics of the situation and chuckled, withdrawing and sitting back on the bunk under the other bookcase. Lifting an eyebrow at him saucily she asked "Did you enjoy that?"

Gardner gave her a broad, shit-eating grin and merely said "Yup."

She blushed and brushed her dress down, smoothing out invisible wrinkles. "Glad to have been able to give you a good view."

Gardner said "I wouldn't call it good."

Flower Girl pouted "Okay, okay, let's not keep up the trash talk. We're not at the horseshoe pit anymore."

Gardner fumbled to salvage his blunder. "No, no, that's not what I meant. I was gonna say, I'd call it spectacular!"

Her blush became more pronounced, but this time she grinned. "Oh! Well thank you, Sir. Glad you liked it."

They were staring at each other now, currents of electricity and heightened libido bouncing off the walls of the boat's cabin.

She asked "Want to get better acquainted with them?"

Gardner gulped and asked "Do you want that?"

She nodded. "Of course, but not until you do."

Gardner slid from the corner where he was wedged over to the bunk where Flower Girl sat and placed his arm around her gently. She laid her head on his shoulder, allowing him to kiss her temple and caress her arm a few times. He took her face in his hand and stared deep into her eyes, as if seeking permission once again. She nodded and closed the distance between their mouths, pressing their lips firmly together.

Gardner delicately licked her lips, asking permission to enter, and she beckoned him in with her tongue. The tips of their tongues danced a joyous, energetic tango before eventually their bodies joined in, arms and chests moving and clutching, fingers raking each other's hair, necks and backs.

"You taste like syrup, Sweetie. Guess my nickname really is appropriate for you," she said, as she licked his lips.

He chuckled and took a deep, shaky breath. They resumed their kissing make out session.

Finally, Gardner summoned the courage to let his fingers stray to Flower Girl's right breast. He palmed it gently, cupping it and feeling its heft in his hand. It was quite large and heavy. Flower Girl was built with ample proportions. She had what would be considered a plus-sized figure, but was trim and fit, without excess bulges or folds. She was just solidly built, with a curvy, hourglass silhouette.

He thought her bosom was just magnificent. It was firm and round and sat up high and voluptuously on her frame. She often wore V-neck or lower cut dresses or blouses, as she was doing today, and her skin was a creamy, milky white with a smattering of freckles that matched her copper red hair. Even just the thought of seeing what was beneath her dress had made Gardner's mouth water in the past. The idea of actually being allowed to touch that part of her body through her clothes or maybe even underneath them proved to be almost too much stimulation for him.

His hand shook as it hovered over the material of her dress, ghosting lightly on top of her flesh, applying barely any pressure. He wanted to see how much of her breast he could fit in his hand. As he had suspected, it didn't all fit. Having this fact confirmed nearly blew the top of his head off. Once his hand made contact with her breast, Flower Girl exhaled a breath she seemed to have been holding, reflecting what must have been her own considerable anticipation and pressure that had been building inside of her, and Gardner's eyes flew open to meet hers, staring at him. They both greeted each other with looks of surprise and then shy smiles.

"Is that okay?" he whispered.

"Yeah, it's great." she responded in a husky low voice.

"Can I touch you some more?"

"I might faint if you don't," she giggled.

He smiled and leaned in for another kiss. As he did so, he allowed his hand to close more firmly around her breast and to give it a good, firm squeeze. Flower Girl squeaked as he did so, then moaned contentedly to indicate her pleasure so as not to discourage him.

Gardner let his let his thumb roam around until it located her nipple, which was a hardened little bullet underneath her clothes. He rubbed circles around it as she panted into his mouth and sucked on his tongue. Then he took his thumb and his forefinger and pulled at her nipple but couldn't gain much traction, probably owing to some industrial-strength bra she was wearing, he suspected. He wanted that barrier _gone_ , so he asked her "Can I touch you without your top on? It would feel better for both of us, I think."

She nodded and joked "You don't have to write me a white paper on the issue, Gardner, I'm sold on the concept — just pop the buttons."

With fumbling hands, he unbuttoned her dress to the waist and let it fall open in front. She was wearing a dusty rose lace bra underneath. To Gardner's eyes it looked like a suspension bridge, with underwire and all sorts of girders supporting her flesh, yet tempered by the lace it also reminded him of a Victorian cottage rimmed with gingerbread trimming. It was truly a masterpiece of architectural engineering, he reflected.

He ran his fingers along the edges of the fabric, then traced them around the floral designs on the lace. As he passed over her darkened rosy nipples, her breath hitched and she gasped, arching her back and tossing her head back. Her nipple rose to a hardened point to meet his touch. He gave a gentle squeeze and she gasped again, thrusting into his grasp and mewling gently "Mmmm, do that again, please..." He happily obliged and another moan followed.

Gardner ran his hand up to Flower Girl's shoulder and nudged her bra strap down, but to his surprise, the bra cup stayed exactly where it was. It was firmly anchored to her breast by some unknown support mechanism, and he groaned inwardly as he realized he was going to have to perform the tricky maneuver of unhooking it if he wanted to gain access to the Promised Land it obstructed. Either that or he'd have to yank it down, which seemed a bit crude. He was debating what to do when Flower Girl took matters into her own hands.

"Hold on a second," she said and reached behind her back and unhooked it herself.

"Oh, thank God," Gardner couldn't help but blurting out.

She giggled "No sweat, Sweetie. You taught me horseshoes today. I'll teach you bra fasteners at some point." She turned around, shimmied out of the top of her dress and removed her bra, then suddenly feeling shy, she covered herself with crossed arms. Looking over her shoulder, she peeked at Gardner to see what his reaction was.

He took her by the shoulders and turned her to face him. He ran his hands over her crossed arms and said "You're beautiful, Flower Girl. But if you're not ready for me to see you, it's okay. You can put your dress back on. I can wait. I don't want you to feel rushed. I just want you to feel good."

She shook her head. "No, it's not that. I'm ready. I just didn't know if you are. I don't want you to think I'm rushing you like Paige did. I want you to feel good, too."

He said "Hey, I'm the one who asked if I could touch you without your top on, remember?"

"Yes, but you didn't say how. You didn't say to take it all off. You didn't say be a wanton woman and completely undress. You didn't ..."

Gardner hushed her mouth with a kiss. After a moment he pulled away and said "Listen to me. I'm not comparing you to anyone. I'm not damaged goods. You and I have a blank slate. This is between you and me. And if I say I want you, then I want you. If you're doing something that doesn't sit right with me, I think I've already made it clear that I'll speak up, right?"

She gave it some thought and said "Right, that's true. You definitely don't stand on ceremonies. You can be a real crankypants when you want to, and you don't pull your punches."

Gardner frowned. "Punches? I don't think we should bring that word into it."

She backpedaled. "Oh! I didn't mean it that way, not literally. Let's just say you are very plain speaking and you don't sugar coat things. Like we said. You say what you mean, and mean what you say. So I can trust your word. That's what you mean, right?"

Gardner nodded. "Right. And I want the same from you. If you want or don't want something from me, I want you to tell me. I don't want to rush you, but I do want to liberate you. If you want something you're not getting, I want you to ask for it. That goes for our emotional _and_ physical relationship. It needs to be that way for both of us. I think it's especially dumb that the guy is expected to be in charge of the physical part of it. That's too much pressure and it's an outdated idea anyway."

Flower Girl crowed "Amen to that! I like how you think, Sweetie! So let's start over again! Want to feel my boobs, Gardner?"

Gardner snorked a laugh and said "Yeah, I do. Why don't you move those arms?"

She shifted herself and lowered her hands to her lap, clenching her hands into small fists. She noticed the nervous gesture and, deciding it sent the wrong vibe, intertwined her fingers instead. Gardner scooted closer to her and took each breast in one of his palms and just held them gently, letting the warmth of his hands soothe her. Eventually, he began to caress her skin, from her clavicle to her sternum, then down under each pendulous tear-shaped protrusion.

"Gosh, Flower Girl, you have the most beautiful breasts I could ever imagine. They're luminescent orbs, like there's something magical about them."

Flower Girl laughed at this description. "Wow that is a unique description! I've read tons of romance novels, and never heard anything come close to that. Glad you like them.”

"My god, I do, I do," Gardner murmured, and ran his fingertips gently over their surface in awe. Then he began to knead her flesh more intensely, pulling it away from her body and stretching it, marveling at its density and heft, noting that his touch was causing goosebumps to rise.

He began to draw concentric circles around her breasts lightly with his fingertips, moving ever closer to the bullseye targets of her nipples. They were a pink hue slightly darker than her lips, and he noticed that her freckles ran right into them. Flower Girl squirmed, waiting for him to reach the center of the target.

"Gard-neeeerrrrrr," she whined.

"Yes, Flower Girl, what can I do for you?" he teased.

"You can touch me where it feels best," she growled playfully.

"And were would that be?" he pretended not to know. He took her forefinger and said "Here, you show me."

She blushed furiously. "What?" she sputtered. "Come on, are you kidding me?"

Gardner said "No. You show me where you want me to touch you. We're in this together. We need to learn to communicate in all things." He gave her his hand. "Here. Take my hand. You put my hand right where you want it."

Flower Girl was blushing and grimacing as if she'd like to disappear into a hole. She took a deep breath and said "Okay. Here." She took his finger and touched it right at the center of her smooth, wide, flattened nipple. As soon as their fingers made contact, the skin began to pebble and rise. She tried to pull her finger away and leave his there, but he didn't let her. He held her hand in his and they touched her nipple together for a few seconds before he let her draw her hand away.

 _'So she's shy, too,'_ Gardner thought to himself. _'Maybe even shier than I am. What a relief! This could work out fine.'_

Gardner now applied solid efforts to coaxing Flower Girl's nipple to a hardened point. He would pinch it and pull it, then blow air on it and let it recede for a moment, then mold it back up into a hardened nugget again. He eventually switched to the other breast and gave it fair and equal treatment.

Then he explored the outer edges of her breasts' abundant flesh, loving how they spilled over the sides of her ribs. She giggled as he ran gentle fingers along their perimeter.

"Does that tickle?" he asked.

"A bit. But mostly it just feels lovely."

"Yeah, it really does," he agreed, to which she responded with a smirk. "Can I find out what you taste like?"

She gave a blissed out nod and held out her hands to reach for his head. He eased her gently down on the bunk so that he could better dedicate himself to fully exploring her body with his mouth. Hovering over her, he first leaned in for a kiss. They tangled tongues for a few minutes, and then she guided his face downwards to unleash his tongue on the rest of her. He spent some time on the column of her neck, which he had fantasized about through many a class lecture, and ran his tongue over her collar bones. Lower he descended, nibbling and placing small kisses on her sternum as he went, until he had reached the swell of her breasts.

He took her right breast firmly in hand and reflected that it felt almost like holding a water balloon. As he squeezed it and prepared to give it his tongue's attention, another moan escaped her and she arched her back, closing the distance between her breast and his mouth. Gardner suckled her nipple gently at first, then firmly and finally insistently. He eventually was biting and chewing on her gently, causing her to thrash her head from side to side and thread her fingers through his hair, pressing him deeper into her body.

"Oh, god, Gardner, that feels so incredible, I feel like I'm about to pass out. I'm so light-headed."

He raised his head and looked at her to check and make sure she was okay. Her head was thrown back and her arm was slung over her eyes. He replaced his mouth with his hand and kept up the pressure on her nipple as he scooted up so he could look her in the eye and make visual contact with her.

"Flower Girl, talk to me. How are you? Do you feel okay?"

She responded "I feel farging fantastic, Sweetie. Like I'm going to float up to the heavens."

He smiled and asked "Please look at me. Open your eyes and tell me you're feeling good."

She took her arm away from her eyes and blinked her eyes furiously, trying to focus her gaze on Gardner. "I'm feeling beyond blissed out, my sweet, sweet boy. You're making me feel sooooo good."

"Good," he said and kissed her deeply.

"Gardner," she murmured as he mashed his lips onto hers.

"Yes," he asked, unwilling to withdraw his lips.

"Can we, I mean, would you, uhm, I mean ..."

He halted the kiss and sat up. "What do you want to say, Flower Girl? It's okay. Tell me what you want."

She inhaled deeply and tried to marshal her thoughts. "I'm happy with what we've done thus far and don't think we ought to go much further, but can we, uhm, would you be willing to, uhm, take your shirt off? I'd like to feel your skin on mine."

He was pleased at the thought that Flower Girl was modest and content enough with just fooling around and only going to second base, and was also polite enough to ask his permission that he take off his shirt. But then the cold hand of dread laid its clammy digits on his neck as he contemplated the prospect of taking off his shirt and showing her what he felt to be his absolute worst physical attribute – his poochy, soft tummy.

His expression revealed his mixed emotions and Flower Girl seemed to pick right up on them. She sat up and said "Did I say something wrong? Am I being too pushy? What's bothering you, Gardner?"

He owed her an explanation. He had requested openness from her. Jeez Louise, he had made her touch her own body in an intimate way and made her blush, all in the name of open communication and a healthy sexual relationship! Boy would he be a hypocrite if he didn't come clean. He was mentally kicking his own ass seven ways to Sunday now.

He cleared his throat. "Ahem. No, no, you didn't say anything wrong. It's just, well, I'm not real confident about my body like you are."

Flower Girl exploded with laughter.

Gardner smarted with humiliation. "You don't have to rub it in. I know I don't have it all going on with physical perfection like you do!"

Flower Girl frowned and said "Oh, god, Gardner, I did not mean to be laughing at you! I'm laughing at the absurdity of the statement you just made! To have you thinking I'm confident about my body is just the funniest thing I've heard in a long time. Don't you realize that I'm fat? In the parlance of the fashion world, I'm what's called plus-sized! They don't even sell my size of clothes in most regular stores. And there's no way that most clothes that get sold there will suit my shape even if they do up-size. I usually have to go shopping online for the places that cater to women my size. And even though I'm fit and healthy, people automatically think because I'm big that I'm lazy and don't take care of myself. I struggle with body image issues all the time!"

Gardner literally shook his head, not believing what he was hearing. Flower Girl was the most beautiful, voluptuous woman he had ever laid his eyes on and nobody could ever convince him otherwise. True, she had plenty of meat on her bones, but she wore it well. She was relatively tall for a woman, about the same height as he was, five foot nine. But she was curvy in every sense of the word. She had a defined, waspish waist, trim legs, fit arms and a caboose that had just enough oomph in it and not an ounce too much. It was obvious that she kept herself fit and healthy and that much of her girth could be attributed to genetics. And even if it was due to too many calories, Gardner couldn't give a damn. She was perfect in his eyes. She was gorgeous. Not to mention those breasts. Oh, those breasts.

"Well I don't see you that way! You are absolutely gorgeous. You're not fat!"

Flower Girl blushed. "That's nice of you to say, Sweetie, though those two things don't have to be mutually exclusive. I don't mind admitting that I sometimes have to shop at fat girl stores, and I'm not in denial that I'm a big girl. I just don't like how the rest of the world feels about it, how they shame full-figured, curvy women like me. I try to work with what I have, dress to honor my body shape and always look as pretty as I can."

Gardner leaned in and gave her a fierce kiss, then pulled back and held her in his arms. "And you succeed every single day. I've never seen you look anything but totally put together, fashionable and gorgeous. You are beautiful inside and out and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Period. Harrumph!"

Flower Girl giggled. "Well okay then. So, Mr. Kettle, now that you've lectured Ms. Pot, are you gonna whip that shirt off and let me snuggle with you skin on skin or what?"

Gardner sighed, his shoulders sunk in defeat. "Okay, but just know that I've never had any aptitude for sports and I just hate working out and ..."

Flower Girl rolled her eyes and said "And what about my appearance tells you I feel otherwise?"

Gardner said "It's obvious to me that you do something to keep fit. Look at you, you're very un-jiggly. I've got a poochy tummy!"

Flower Girl retorted "You haven't really seen my tummy yet, Gardner."

He hedged "Well maybe we should wait and show our tummies together."

She looked at him skeptically. "Gardner, if you think it's more embarrassing to show your tummy than your tatas, I'm going to throw down with you on that point. There's got to be a good reason why it's legal for men to walk around in public with their stomachs showing and it's not legal for women to walk around topless. So make with the unveiling. I mean, unless you're really not ready to get chest naked with me for sexual reasons."

"No, it's not that. I'm just being an insecure baby. Okay, but promise you won't laugh."

"Okay, I can 100% promise that will NOT be my reaction, Gardner. I may salivate a little, but I won't be laughing."

This was the confidence booster Gardner needed. He reached behind him and pulled his shirt over his head. Flower Girl gave a small giggle.

"See, I told you you'd laugh!" Gardner objected.

"No, I'm not laughing at your tummy! I haven't even looked at it yet! I'm laughing because your hair is hilarious! It's all messed up and sticky-outy. Can I fix it for you, Sweetie?"

Gardner gave a sigh of relief. "Oh, yeah, sure. Go ahead."

She scooted nearer to him and ran her hands through his spiky auburn hair, letting her fingernails scritcha scratcha through his scalp. Gardner leaned into her touch like a dog with fleas, enjoying the feeling of her soothing scalp massage. By now he had his eyes closed and he seemed to have forgotten about the whole tummy contretemps. She kissed each closed eyelid, then his forehead and each cheek. She began to kiss her way down his neck, pausing to suck at his Adams apple as it bobbed with each breath of air Gardner took.

Her lips made their way over to his shoulders as her hands kneaded the tension out of his shoulders and back. By now, she was almost sitting in his lap, and she gently pressed her breasts against his chest. As she swayed against him and rubbed her skin against his, Gardner gasped with arousal.

"Does that feel good, my Sweetie?" she asked.

"Y-y-yeah, it does."

"You want to put your arms around me?" she asked.

"Mhmm," he murmured, and followed words with deed.

Now she climbed into his lap and straddled him to get closer so that the entire surface of their midriffs was now touching. Slowly, she swiped up against him, back and forth, allowing her nipples to graze his skin and her core to gently brush against his crotch. She held onto him with her arms around his neck. Slowly, they rocked back and forth, clinging to each other.

"How do you feel, Gardner?"

"I feel so good, my girl. My floral, flowery girl."

"You know I haven't even looked at your tummy, don't you?"

"No, I didn't know."

"You know I don't care if I don't see it today, or if I do see it, right? It doesn't matter. We both feel farging fantastic right at this moment and that's all that matters, right?"

Gardner answered, somewhat deliriously, "Right. That's all that matters." He opened his eyes and clutched her harder, swaying with her back and forth. He began to mouth at her neck and shoulders, chewing and sucking at her. "I won't leave any marks to embarrass you, but I need a snack and you're my favorite flavor, Flower Girl."

She giggled. "Go for it."

He dipped down and took one of her breasts in her mouth and suckled her nipple, drawing it to a point then releasing it and taking it up again. He pinched the other one with his fingers. Flower Girl squirmed and writhed in his lap as he brought her almost to the brink of orgasm just by touching her breasts.

"Gardner," she panted, "I'm almost, I'm going to – "

He paused for a moment, taking her meaning. "It's okay, my girl. Let go if you want to. I'm here for you. What can I do for you?"

"Rock my world," she moaned, scooting closer to him in his lap and tightening her grip on him. He hoisted her so that she was sitting right on top of his erection and he began to grind into her, as he resumed tweaking her breasts and sucking and chewing on her neck and shoulders. He urged her on "Let go, my flower. Let go and come home to me." A few moments later, Flower Girl was crying out and clutching Gardner's shoulders, throwing her head back and reveling in a shuddering climax.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment, give kudos and let a friend know that this story exists. I'd like to know who is reading this story and it's a pleasure to interact with you. Thanks for reading.


	3. Chapter 3

After a few moments, Flower Girl took a deep, cleansing breath, then fixed Gardner with an inquiring look. She appeared to be willing him to understand what she wanted to do without having to ask him for it. But he had decided he wasn't going to have that kind of relationship with her. He wanted everything out in the open.

"What do you want, Flower Girl? I can tell you want something and you're too embarrassed to ask for it. Tell me what your desire is. I'm here for you and I'm probably up for it."

"Okay. I appreciate that. Can I make you feel good now, Gardner?"

He smiled "Maybe. Depends on what you want to do."

She reassured him "Just what you did for me. That's all I had in mind. We can and should save other things for other times."

He nodded "Then yes. I'd love for you to make me feel good."

The clouds obscuring her confident disposition disappeared and her sunny smile reappeared. She scooted forward again and began to run her hands over Gardner's torso and arms, caressing him with the gentlest of touches that raised goosebumps everywhere in their wake. Kisses followed wherever her fingers preceded. Then she began to nibble and then suck and chew, just as he had.

She suddenly dipped down and took one of his nipples into her mouth, surprising him and producing a gratifying gasp and subsequent sigh. She switched to the other side and noticed that there were more hairs growing out of that nipple than the other one and remarked upon it. "Someday I'm going to have to count how many hairs you have on each nipple!"

He guffawed "There's a project for you. I never thought anyone would want to know me _that_ well!"

She fixed him with an affectionate and determined grin. "Never underestimate me, Gardner. I want to know everything about you and no detail is too mundane."

Resuming her task, she supped upon his nipples for a while longer, then paused and asked "Are you ready to let me see the rest of your stomach now?"

He sighed and said "Okay, why not?"

She looked up at him and winked, then lowered her head and laved his abdomen with her tongue, kissing and sucking it lovingly. It really wasn't fat or poochy. It was soft like a little boy's, not exactly toned but definitely not fat either. It protruded slightly in what she found to be the most charming manner. Its squishiness reminded her of a puppy's belly after it had been fed, and who doesn't adore and melt at the sight of that? She murmured endearments like "Lovely," and "So sweet," and "Scrumptious." When she peeked up at Gardner, he was finally smiling instead of grimacing, as he was when she had first descended into his lower abdominal region.

Feeling like she'd better not press her luck, back up to his face she swept, dive bombing him with kisses in an increasing frenzy. She threaded her fingers through his hair and held his mouth to hers until he was slightly breathless. She moved her skirt aside, settled onto his crotch, and then she began to move. Rocking him back and forth, she started to grind their pelvises together. Her coochie was hot and soaking wet from her orgasm and he could feel its heat warming him through his pants. Between the temperature, friction and pressure, not to mention the absolute surreal quality it took on to have his fantasy coming to life, it took only a few moments for Gardner to approach the precipice of the cliff and he felt duty bound to warn her before he toppled over.

"Flower Girl, I'm going to come," he said.

"That's it, Sweetie. I want you to. Please, let yourself have that, that's what I want for you. Come on, Gardner."

He gave a whimper and a moan, then a small shout and his whole body stiffened up and he clutched her as the waves of ecstasy overtook him. "Oh, oh, oh," he exclaimed quietly each time he exhaled, as she continued to rock him. She ran her fingernails over his back and shoulders, petted him and encouraged him to ride the waves of bliss that were still reverberating through his body.

"That's it, sweet boy. That's it."

Finally, their bodies stilled and they hugged each other quietly, pressing themselves closely together as if to fuse themselves into one being.

"That was ... I don't even know how to describe it," Gardner fumbled for words.

"Pretty spectacular?" Flower Girl suggested.

"Yeah, that's accurate. Spectacular. But I'd also say special. And sweet."

Flower Girl laughed "You are really into alliteration, aren't you?"

Gardner replied "Only when I'm totally punch drunk on hormones and endorphins. I'm not exactly eloquent when I'm recovering from almost blacking out from ecstasy."

"Was it that good for you?" she asked shyly.

Gardner pulled back so he could look directly into Flower Girl's eyes. "Yeah, it was. It was the most intense physical feeling I've ever experienced."

She pursed her lips skeptically and said "You mean with a woman or even with yourself?"

Gardner said "Doing it to yourself isn't the same thing at all. There's a longing there, a loneliness, an itch you just can't scratch. And as far as other women, you already know that I've only been with one other person. And not to be too crude or crass, and not to talk ill of someone, or gossip, but Paige didn't make me feel anything other than awkward, inexperienced and rushed."

Flower Girl gave a gratified grin. "You just made me feel like I was part of something incredible that we made together, that we built and nurtured and saw through to the end. It was the most wonderful feeling to know you were truly invested in my feelings and happiness. And I liked that I didn't have the pressure of having to go all the way or get out of my comfort zone to achieve that level of pleasure."

Flower Girl palmed Gardner's cheek gently and continued "I totally agree with everything you said. I care about your feelings and happiness, and your well-being, and I know now that you feel the same way about me. I was worried about whether you'd expect me to rush into things, but you respect me the way you respect yourself. I know now that I have nothing to worry about."

Gardner looked at her quizzically and asked "How come you're as freaked out about rushing into sex as I am? You must have had lots of boyfriends and experience."

"Must I?" she retorted tartly. "What in the world makes you think that?"

He felt called out, afraid he had insulted her, when he had really meant it as a compliment. "Be-because you're so beautiful. A-a-and I mean, look at how you attract guys, like Derek in our class. He's totally hot for you."

She frowned and flipped her hair dismissively. "Humph! I'm not so sure about that. And even if it's true, _that_ makes you think I've got loads of experience? First of all, guys almost never get past fixating on this huge rack of mine – they rarely even look me in the eye – but if they do, the next thing they see is how big the rest of me is compared to the skinny chicks I'm competing with and I never get asked out. Second of all, if I do manage to get asked on a date and I overcome my agoraphobia and go, they're all over my tits like heat-seeking missiles. It's like, let's skip coffee and dessert and go right to the part when I strip off your bra and sample the merchandise! Do you know how degrading that is? So I've cut short many of what few dates I have managed to score, I can tell you."

Gardner blushed and bowed his head. "Wow, that's awful. But I asked if I could touch your breasts. Should I not have done that? Did I rush things? Do you have regrets about what just happened?"

She rolled her eyes and sighed. "No, Sweetie. I'm contrasting you with those other guys. I'm trying to explain why I gave you access to my goodies and not them. You were respectful and waited a long time. You got to know me for weeks before you even asked me out on a date. And then you asked me to be your girlfriend before you ever got physical with me. You made a commitment to my heart first before you asked to touch my body. And there's that word – asked! You asked! You didn't just try to help yourself. And you didn't try to go too far, too fast. You said you wanted to know what I wanted and made it clear that communication was really important and that we needed to both be on the same page. So no, I don't regret anything. I'm really happy."

Gardner flashed her a satisfied smile and leaned in for an affectionate kiss. "Thanks for letting me know that I did things the right way. That's important to me." He pulled back and looked into her eyes, chewing on his lip, as if he were mulling something over but was hesitant to bring it up.

She said "I can see the wheels turning in your brain. What are you thinking? Is there something you want to say or ask me? Go ahead. We said communication and openness were important."

He cleared his throat nervously and said "Uhm, okay. So does that mean you're a virgin? Not that it matters to me one way or another in terms of how I'd feel about you," he barreled on, embarrassed to be asking and hoping he wasn't embarrassing her by putting her on the spot. But he thought it was a vital piece of information for him to have so he'd know how to approach intimacy with her.

She said "No, I'm not a virgin. But I don't have a lot of experience. Especially compared to other girls of my generation in this day and age. I've only slept with one guy and it was awful. It was a terrible relationship on both a physical and emotional level. I kind of alluded to that already the night you took me to the movies, how he really didn't know his way around the female body. I broke up with him fairly soon after we slept together. So I would say I have not much sexual experience, and pretty much zero experience having a sexually fulfilling relationship, if you want to look at it that way."

Gardner laughed "Well that makes two of us." He took her hand and kissed each knuckle gently. "We can be each other's first then in that regard. We can lose our virginity all over again together. How about that?"

Flower Girl smiled and nodded. "I would like that very much. I think we're already off to a fabulous start."

She leaned forward and kissed him, then pulled away to look him in the eye.

"I trust you, Gardner. I do. But please remember that I'm probably as fragile and maybe as damaged as you are. What I didn't mention about that ex-boyfriend was that he was also an abusive asshole. I haven't told you my story yet, but I will someday. In the meantime, let's take things as they come and know that the past is behind us. Let's vow that we can make our own story. We don't have to let what happened to us before define who we are now."

Gardner nodded and swept her into his arms for another kiss, deepening it until she was panting for breath and showing signs of light-headedness.

"Ohhhh, what you do to me, you sweet, sweet boy," she said.

"It's the same for me, Flower Girl. You scrambled my radar pretty effectively."

She giggled. "Good to know. Next time we're playing horseshoes, I'll mix in some kisses when I'm losing."

Gardner glanced at the clock on the wall and sighed. "I hate to do this, but I need to change my clothes and get ready for work. You can stick around if you want and we'll leave together."

"Okay, I will," she said. "I hate the thought of leaving you and I want to be with you for as long as you want me around."

Gardner smiled at the thought of someone wanting to spend their time with him, a grumpy misanthrope, and his heart fluttered in his chest. He grabbed some clothes and headed for his bathroom to change.

"Hey, Sweetie, guess what?" she hollered to him through the closed door.

"What?" he yelled back.

"I've been at your house for more than four hours and I haven't had a panic attack! Isn't that amazing?"

Gardner came out of the bathroom with a big grin on his face. He walked over to the bed, where Flower Girl was still sitting, with her dress buttoned up again, smoothing the wrinkles out of it. She too was wearing a smile of pride and awe as well.

"That's amazing, Flower Girl. I'm so proud of you." He sat down next to her and gave her a squeezy hug. She giggled with delight. "How do you feel now?" he asked.

She yawned. "To be honest, I'm totally exhausted. I can't wait to go home and have a nap. My system is already starting to shut down. This was a lot for me."

"Okay, well why don't you go ahead and take off?"

She said "I thought I'd drop you off at work and then head home."

Gardner said "Absolutely not. You've had a big day. I can get there on my own."

Flower Girl frowned and stuck her lip out. "Why, don't you want to be with me?"

Gardner backpedaled. "No, it's not that. I just don't want you to feel like you have to haul me around at the expense of your mental health. Two months ago you didn't know me and I was getting to work on my own. I don't want you to feel like I can't be self-sufficient. I'm used to taking care of myself."

She took up his hands and squeezed them in hers. "I know that, Gardner. I know you can take care of yourself. And I know you want me to look after myself, too. But I want to do things for you and put myself out of my way for you when I feel like I can. So you let me be the judge of what I'm capable of, okay? And if you let me have what I want when I want it when it doesn't cost you anything, like letting me spend time with you when you don't mind it, then that will make me happy. Okay? I know there will be times when you need your own space, too. But right now, I kind of feel like I want to Velcro myself to you for a few more minutes, so if you don't mind the company, please let me drive you to work."

Gardner looked stunned at this new revelation. Someone in his life wanted to go out of their way for him, even at their own expense. Why? Because they really, really liked him. They really liked being around him and they couldn't get enough of his company. This wasn't the kind of brother love he had with Calvin. That was a completely different type of relationship which, while he didn't take it for granted, he had long grown used to and become inured to its effect on his emotions. This woman's care for him was absolutely flooring him.

"Sure, okay. I'll be glad to have you drive me. I'd like to spend more time with you, too. Sorry. You're just going to have to let me get used to this, Flower Girl. I'm just not used to civilians."

"Civilians?" she asked quizzically.

"I mean, people who aren't either my brother Calvin or my couple of friends or my former co-workers. I'm not used to people other than them being nice to me. Caring for me. I used to call them civilians when I worked for the post office, like the customers on my postal route."

She shook her head but she smiled. "You sure are a character, Sweetie. I get such a kick out of you. You've got just as many quirks as I do. That's such a frickin' relief."

Gardner gave her a tight smile. "I'm glad you feel that way. Paige always was trying to eradicate my quirks like they were dandelions on a golf course lawn. Meanwhile, she was a cuckoo bird herself and was always telling me to loosen up. I guess I just didn't have the _right_ quirks for her."

Flower Girl trailed a finger along Gardner's tightened lips and smoothed them out into a more relaxed expression. "Well I think your quirks are just perfect. I'm not going to ask you to change them. If there's something you're doing that I can't stand, I'll just gently suggest you go do it somewhere else and then come back when you're finished. No, I'm just joking. Now should we leave for work?"

"Yep. Let's go." He kissed her once, twice, thrice, then jumped up and helped her off the bunk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment, give kudos and let a friend know that this story exists. I'd like to know who is reading this story and it's a pleasure to interact with you. Thanks for reading.


	4. Chapter 4

The next time Gardner saw Flower Girl was at class on Tuesday, since he had to work all weekend, they both had classes on Monday, then Flower Girl had a therapy appointment afterwards, and after that she needed recovery time to bounce back and just go home and chill out on her own. Gardner didn't mind making space for his girl's me time. He had a need for it himself, and one of the things he had really disliked about Paige was her total lack of boundaries in respecting his routines and personal space. So they had agreed to keep in touch by phone each day no matter what, at least to say goodnight to each other. It felt good to both of them to be able to count on some type of daily contact without too much pressure to perform.

When Gardner arrived at class, as usual Flower Girl was already sitting in her seat. Before he sat down in his seat, he checked around to make sure no one was looking, then bent down and stole a quick kiss from her.

"Hi there," he said, noting the giddy, closed-eye smile on her face as he withdrew his lips.

"Hey," she said breathily, taking a moment to compose herself before she looked at him.

"How are you feeling after your big day yesterday?" he asked.

"Therapy days are rough," she admitted. "I don't like them. I have to drive to an icky building that gives me panic attacks, I have to talk about uncomfortable things, and then it takes me a while to get my ruffled feathers smooth again."

"Why does the building make you panic?" he asked.

She shrugged her shoulders. "Who knows? I don't like the vibes there. It's on a road that's always either under construction or has trucks double-parked. The light in the building is all white florescent and unwelcoming. There's a pediatrician's office next door to my shrink's office and there are usually screaming babies or whiny kids making a lot of noise."

Gardner nodded in agreement. "You know, you don't have to have agoraphobia not to like that situation."

She shrugged. "Yeah, I know. I try really hard to distinguish between what's my phobia and what's just unpleasant. In my mind I ask myself 'Am I scared or do I just not like this?' But the fact is, my system gets triggered easily and goes right to the panic zone. Then it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. I panic and then it's the panic itself that's scary."

Gardner wanted to get Flower Girl to see that she wasn't doomed to dwell in her private hell. "That's awful. But hey, did you tell your therapist how great you did this last week, going to the movie and then hanging out with me at my house?"

A grin lit up her face and her whole attitude and mood seemed to lift. "Yes! He was really surprised and pleased! Only now I kind of set myself up. He wants me to do it again."

Gardner said "In that case, let's go to this week's Hitchcock movie. I checked to see where I went wrong with last week's scheduling blunder and they're definitely showing the one I wanted to take you to this Thursday. It's called _North By Northwest._ I promise it's not scary. I think you'll really like it."

As they had been talking, Eve had come in and sat down in her seat. She was unsubtly eavesdropping on their conversation. Now she inserted herself into the conversation as if she had been part of it all along.

"Yeah, that sounds great! Let's go see that one this week!"

Gardner and Flower Girl looked at each other, both stunned at the gall this girl had to be listening in on their private conversation, but more than that, to be inviting herself along on what was meant to be a boyfriend/girlfriend date between the two of them – well that was just rude! Then again, they both realized that she did not know that they were dating. They communicated all of this silently between themselves, trying to figure out how to approach the situation tactfully.

Gardner pleaded with his eyes _'No, no, please don't invite her. I want it to be just us at the movies! I want to have you all to myself, my brand new girlfriend!'_

Flower Girl silently rejoined _'But what can I do? It would be rude to say no, and how would I explain refusing her? You can't come with us because Gardner and I are dating now and we just want to be alone so we can get all lovey dovey on a date by ourselves?'_

Gardner sighed and nodded his head in defeat and shrugged his shoulders in silent acquiescence. Flower Girl took his meaning and realized he was leaving it up to her to decide and to speak for both of them. She gave him a look that said _'Gee, thanks for leaving it all up to me to either be the heavy or have to invite that hussy who wants you for herself along on our date! Coward!'_

Gardner smiled weakly and smirked as if to say _'Sorry, she was your friend first. And besides, she scares me. Will you please take one for the team?'_

Flower Girl huffed exasperatedly and turned to Eve and said "Well, we hadn't definitely decided whether to go yet, Eve."

Eve said obliviously "Okay, that's fine if you're not sure if you want to go. I know Gardner's dying to see it and he and I are the true Hitchcock fans anyway. You're just a newbie. Gardner, will you take me to see the movie even if Leah doesn't want to go see it?"

Gardner's eyebrows rose until they were almost at his hairline. Now there was _no way_ he was going to take Eve to a movie on his own. From the moment he met Eve, she had pursued him like a hungry tigress stalking a gazelle. She was no respecter of his physical boundaries, nor was she attuned to his lack of interest in her as anything more than an acquaintance. Moreover, she seemed to have picked up on his yen for Flower Girl and had tried to sabotage their budding relationship by implying that she and Derek were dating or at least interested in doing so. In short, he wanted nothing to do with her and was even a little intimidated by her ultra-aggressive attitude towards him.

"Uhhhmmm, well, I –" Gardner spluttered.

Changing tactics Flower Girl interjected calmly, "If Gardner goes, he is definitely taking me to the movie, Eve, but if you want to tag along, you can come."

Eve gave her the stink eye and tried to stare her down, but Flower Girl didn't flinch. Finally, she shrugged insouciantly and said "Okay, but this time I get to pick Gardner up and take him to the movie. You got to last time."

Gardner's eyes flew to Flower Girl's and they beseeched her _'Do something!'_

She looked back at him and raised her eyebrows and shrugged, as if to say _'What can I do, other than to blurt out right here, right now, that you're my boyfriend and I'm in charge of every aspect of your well-being, including driving you to the movie?'_

Flower Girl said "Well, it's a few days off, let's just leave that up to Gardner. He can decide how he wants to get to the movie." Then she had a brainwave. "Anyway, he might be bringing his brother with him and he drives, so in that case he won't need a ride."

"But I – " Eve started to say.

"Just leave it, Eve," Flower Girl practically growled.

At that moment, the professor called the class to order and her lecture began. This forcibly broke the tense moment, for which both Gardner and Flower Girl were extremely grateful.

After class, Flower Girl was gathering up her stuff hurriedly for her usual quick exit. Gardner, having anticipated this move, was already ready to leave with her. Fortunately, Eve was slow on the uptake and didn't have her act together so they were able to leave her behind.

They hurried quickly to what they called their sanctuary, a Japanese garden tucked behind the library building. Once they were settled on a bench, Flower Girl felt the need to explain herself.

"I'm sorry, Gardner, but I just didn't know what to do in that situation without divulging things we hadn't agreed to speak to other people about yet. We haven't talked about going public with our relationship, and especially with someone like Eve who's obviously got the hots for you, I know that's going to be a tricky disclosure. I didn't want to overstep my boundaries. I don't know how you feel about telling people that I'm your girlfriend or how you want to handle that. I wasn't going to make that decision unilaterally and just blurt it out."

He took her hand in his and said "I appreciate your consideration, Flower Girl. I do. But jeez, what do we do about this movie situation?"

Flower Girl's face fell. She had been hoping that Gardner would declare his pride at being her boyfriend and a desire to let the whole world know about it, but he didn't. He seemed more preoccupied with getting out of going to the movie with Eve.

"Well, uhm, I don't know. I don't think we can really avoid it," she said, a little offended that Gardner didn't seem to be seeing the forest for the trees.

"Couldn't I just tell her I'm sick that day and then you and I can sneak off to the movie on our own?" he asked hopefully.

She shook her head no. "That won't work, Eve will just want to still go to the movie with me."

Gardner mulled things over for a moment, then suggested "Well couldn't I get sick and then you could say you're having a panic attack?"

Flower Girl's glowered at Gardner. "No, Gardner. I do not want to lie about my panic attacks to protect you from an uncomfortable social situation that you're too much of a chicken shit to negotiate on your own. That's kind of insulting and it goes against my principles."

Gardner looked shocked. "But you said you've lied before about your panic attacks in order to escape situations that are upsetting you."

Flower Girl looked up to the sky as if to say _'God give me strength,'_ and said "Gardner, I tell fibs and make excuses to get out of situations when I _really_ _am_ having a panic attack. I don't use my mental health problems as a crutch to avoid living or to shirk responsibilities. And I resent you asking me to do that on your behalf."

Gardner shrank back from the hostility radiating off his girlfriend and said "Sorry. I guess I didn't pick up on that distinction. It's a matter of ethics then?"

"Yes, of course it is!" she cried with frustration, crossing her arms across her chest protectively. "It's also about my self-respect. Surely you can see that. But it's more than that that's bothering me. How come you don't want to just come clean and tell her that I'm your girlfriend? Why isn't the simplest solution to just tell her that we're dating and then that gives me top priority in your life for all things and she'll leave you alone? Aside from the practical side of the equation, it does kind of hurt my feelings that you won't say it out loud to her that I'm the one you care for."

Gardner appraised Flower Girl's body language and knew he was in really deep shit when he hadn't meant to be, nor did he need to be. Why had he resisted the most obvious solution to the problem? Why did he have an ounce of resistance to publicly declaring that he was off the market and that Flower Girl had his whole heart? Maybe she had a valid point.

"Maybe you're right. I am a chicken shit. I don't have any objection to us going public, Flower Girl, honestly. I just felt really put on the spot, and I didn't want us to feel forced to tell her something that's so special to us. It feels like getting forcibly stripped bare in a certain way and I was feeling protective of us. But of course you're right. We can just tell her we're dating. I mean, _you_ can tell her."

Flower Girl still had her arms crossed, a tipoff to Gardner that he hadn't made as much headway as he had hoped in assuaging her vexation. She shook her head no. "Nuh uh. Nope. This is your problem, not mine, and right this minute, I'm not really in the mood to bail you out of it. If you want Eve to know you're a taken man, that your heart belongs to someone else, you're going to have to tell her. I want to feel special, like you're claiming me, like you're proud that I belong to you. I'm not fighting your battles with that she-tiger for you."

Gardner sighed "Oh well, at least I don't have to do anything about it until Thursday. She doesn't have my phone number or anything, so I doubt I'll see or hear from her before then. I could just tell her I don't need a ride because I'll be on campus all day."

Flower Girl glared at him. "You could do that, if it's the truth. And if you're too much of a pussy to tell her you're dating me." Then she stood up and started to walk away.

Gardner leapt up and scurried after her. He grabbed her hand and spun her around. "Please, wait, don't walk away mad. I'm sorry. I'll do it! I just ... you don't understand how scary it is to face someone who's pushy and wants what they want when you don't want the same thing!" He was recalling Calvin's girlfriend Tracy's best friend Rose, who in the past had flirted mercilessly with him and had caused quite a ruckus in his normally placid life until he'd begged Calvin to ask Tracy to have a quiet word with Rose to tell her that Gardner wasn't interested in dating her and to let her down gently.

Flower Girl gave a bitter, fake laugh. "Oh _don't_ I? What the hell gives you the right to say something like that to me? For your information, I know _exactly_ what that's like. We just haven't been together long enough for me to tell you all my stories yet, Gardner. Don't assume you know everything about me because you _don't_. And don't think that I can't empathize with you when I _can_!" She turned around again and fled the garden, leaving Gardner to wonder what she was referring to and kicking himself for making assumptions and generalities he had no right to make.

Gardner didn't hear from Flower Girl on the phone that night, and he didn't really feel like she wanted him to call her either, so he refrained from dialing her number. But he wondered what she was doing and replayed their conversation in the garden over and over in his head. How had it turned so confrontational and incendiary? He hadn't realized that Flower Girl could be so prickly and feisty. Either that, or maybe he really, really had stepped way over the line and deeply hurt her. He didn't know her well enough to judge whether she had an unreasonable point of view coupled with a hair-trigger temper or whether she was totally justified in her sharp reaction. Moreover, he didn't know the dating game well enough to know whether he was being a total douche canoe and deserved her wrath.

The next morning, Gardner decided to run the problem by Calvin and see what he thought. As usual, Calvin's one-dimensional advice came down to proffering some empty gesture like buying her roses or a Build Your Own Teddy Bear as an apology, instead of getting at the substance of the issues at hand. Gardner knew he had to bring out the big gun, so he headed over to his friend Trudie's house.

A visit to Trudie's place always commenced with the sound of a ferocious hysterically barking dog, which turned out to be just a tape recording she used to chase away housebreakers and other assorted thugs she didn't like (like her next door neighbor whom she tortured mercilessly by firing toy rockets into his yard). Gardner couldn't help smiling to himself when he heard the barking after he knocked on her front door. He could hear Trudie yelling " _Platz_ Fritz, _Braver Hund_!" to her imaginary German Shepherd.

Trudie stuck her head out the door, saw Gardner and said "Oh, it's you, kid. Come on in."

Today Trudie was mixing up a pitcher of margaritas. She was a big proponent of day drinking, or as she termed it, liquid lunch. Since she hadn't yet added the alcohol, she poured out a measure of the mixture first for Gardner to drink, knowing that he preferred not to imbibe. Once they had their cocktails, they headed out into the garden.

"So, what's on yer mind, kiddo? You've got that hangdog look. All droopy eyed and your coat's not shiny like it ought to be."

Gardner rolled his eyes, but he sighed and exhaled a big gust of breath.

"I'm having love life trouble."

Trudie sat up very straight in her chair. "You've got a love life and I'm only just hearing it now that it's gone south? Thanks for the sour persimmons, cousin!"

Gardner smiled at her reference to the classic Daffy Duck repartee.

He bowed his head apologetically and said "Sorry. To quote another great philosopher, Ferris Bueller, life moves pretty fast."

Trudie snorted and gestured with her cigarette. "So do your penance and fill me in on what I've missed."

"Well you know that girl from my class I told you about? The one I sit next to? We got together."

Trudie crowed "Oh ho! You mean...?" She took her forefinger and stabbed it through the fingers on her other hand, which were forming a circle.

Gardner blushed crimson and sank down in his chair. "No, it hasn't gotten that far yet. Jeez, we just started dating!"

"And it's already on the rocks? What happened?"

Gardner explained the Eve situation, how he had asked Flower Girl to either lie for him or handle brushing her off for him, and how he had missed the point of how important it was to Flower Girl for him to plant his flag and declare his commitment to Eve himself. Then on top of that, he recalled he had said something about her not understanding how he felt about being pursued by a person who made him feel threatened and how that had really set her off.

Trudie snorted "So basically, to sum up, you wanted to hide behind her skirts, you made it seem like you were ashamed of going public with your relationship, and then you hit some sort of nerve with her by being a self-centered jerk and making wrong assumptions about her. Way to go, Gardner, it's the trifecta of relationship sabotage!"

"Aaaarrrghhh!!!" Gardner exploded and sprang from his chair. He started pacing around the yard, staring down at the ground. Trudie just sat and watched him, knowing he'd need to exhaust himself before he'd be willing to listen to reason. Finally, after about five minutes of pacing and muttering, he came and sat back down in his lawn chair.

"Ready for my expert advice, which you obviously came over her for?" Trudie asked.

"Yeah, go ahead. What should I do?"

Trudie knocked her knuckles on his knee and said "You gotta make amends, kid. You gotta unwind the whole ball of tangled yarn and smooth it out and get rid of every last knot until things are settled between the two of you. You have to hear her out, listen to what she's got to say."

Gardner nodded meekly.

Trudie was scratching her chin, dropping cigarette ash in her lap, mulling something over that seemed to be puzzling her.

"Find out what you said that upset her right at the end of the fight. Ask her about that last part, the part you don't understand, the part where she stormed off. She said you made a wrong assumption and that you don't know everything. But she also said she hasn't told you all her stories yet, so you can't be expected to know everything. You owe her an apology, but you're not clairvoyant. So find out what it is that's got her so wound up. Sounds like maybe she's got something painful from her past that she wouldn't mind sharing with you if you approached it right. Could help to put you back in the black with her."

For the first time, hope began to creep back into Gardner's heart. "You think so? You think maybe there's something upsetting from her past that I blundered into?"

Trudie shrugged. "Who knows? Speaking of upsetting pasts, have you told her about your parents yet?"

Gardner stiffened. "No. I haven't."

"How come? Are you waiting for an engraved invitation? Don't you think that's pretty basic information she's going to need to know to understand what makes you tick?"

Gardner was up on his feet again, pacing. "She did kind of approach the issue the other day, but I kinda flew off the handle and got angry at her for getting too close to the topic and cut things off. I told her I wasn't in the mood to tap another vein. I had already told her about Paige that day and she accepted my explanation."

Trudie pursed her lips and said "Maaaannnn, you're good. Evasion is your superpower, Gardner. How'd she do with you getting pissed off at her?"

Gardner looked guilty but smiled weakly as he remembered Flower Girl's gentle acceptance of his reluctance to open up anymore at the moment. "She was very kind and accepting of the situation and we talked about boundaries."

"Sounds like she's a very open person and you're not. You think that's a level of compatibility that's going to make for a successful relationship?"

Gardner threw his hands out to his sides in frustration. "I don't know! It's not that I'm not an open person. I've been very open with her about my feelings for her, and when we've gotten into other disagreements I've apologized. It's just that I'm not very experienced with this kind of thing, and I _did_ warn her that I've got some damage and some baggage I'm dealing with."

"Well it sounds like she's toting more luggage then Paris Hilton on her way to a DJ'ing gig in Ibiza, Gardner, and she hasn't hidden any of it from you. How are you going to deal with that inequity in your dispositions? Eventually she's going to expect you to give as good you get from her. In fact, it seems like she already has a level of expectation that you're not meeting because you seem to be wanting more from her than you're willing to give her."

"What do you mean?"

Trudie snorted "How on God's green Earth are you going to inspire this woman to trust you when she can't count on you? First shot outta the gate and you screwed the pooch!"

Gardner shrieked "I did not fuck a dog!"

Trudie cackled "Simmer down, kid. That's a football term. It means you dropped the ball. Just think of it this way. You're in this brand new, shiny relationship. And she's all excited about it. Right?"

Gardner said "Right..."

"And she's excited about being your girlfriend and wants to go out on a date with you. But there's this predatory bitch who's hitting on you and doesn't realize you're already taken. You with me so far?"

Exasperated, Gardner complained "Trudie, I know, I already told you this."

"Yeah, I know you did. But I'm trying to tell it back to you in simple terms so you can hear it for yourself what a dumbass you're being. So hush, okay?"

"Okay. Go on."

Trudie refilled her glass, took a sip, then continued.

"Okay, where was I? Oh, right. So this sweet girl knows you're a sensitive guy and doesn't want to insult your manhood or presume to make a decision for the both of you, so she keeps her mouth shut until you both decide what course of action to take. She tolerates this skanky hoe horning her way into your date and does her best to hold her off until you two have a chance to talk things over. So she figures she's already gone the extra mile for you and your modesty.

"Then you two go talk about it privately and your big ask is that she either lies to the girl and uses her mental health as a cover story, which frankly is an insulting and despicable suggestion if you ask me, or you want her to be the one to man up and tell the brazen hussy that you two are an item while you continue to hide behind her skirts."

Gardner just sat there, blinking at her, a bit stunned at her blunt summation.

Trudie put down her drink and her cigarette, made a megaphone of her hands and yelled "Am I getting through to you yet, Gardner?"

He dropped his head in shame and held it in his hands, tearing at his hair. He said "Yeah. I get it. I feel like such a, such a –"

"Schmuck? Yeah, you should. And you didn't stop there. Then you proceeded to imply that she couldn't relate to how you were feeling and it touched off some upsetting episode from her past that clearly was deeply hurtful to her, which like I said, it isn't on you to have known that would happen, but what's done is done and now you're going to have to smooth that over with her, too."

Gardner walked over to the pitcher and poured himself a drink of the alcohol-infused margarita mixture. Trudie gave him a look with one highly arched eyebrow.

"Desperate times call for desperate measures," he replied to her silent inquiry. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment, give kudos and let a friend know that this story exists. I'd like to know who is reading this story and it's a pleasure to interact with you. Thanks for reading.


	5. Chapter 5

Gardner showed up for class on Thursday looking like a Mack truck had hit him, with dark circles under his eyes and pallid skin. He had slept poorly the night before. Another day and night had passed with no phone contact between him and Flower Girl. He figured it would be best to wait and speak with her face to face to try to sort out their disagreement, and clearly she had been in no mood to call him, so he figured she must still be upset with him.

He had no idea what he'd be walking into when he arrived at the classroom. Would Flower Girl ignore him and pretend he wasn't there, like he had done to her when they first met and he started developing a crush on her and then had misgivings about it? Would she unleash a scolding or even some outright anger on him? Would she acknowledge him but tinge her greeting with a frosty arctic blast? He dreaded it all and felt like a man walking to his doom as he approached his desk.

Even as he was setting his bag down, though, he was already being treated to warm vibes. She wasn't ignoring him. She was looking at him, smiling tentatively. True, she remained silent, waiting for him to make the first move and say something, but she had an expression that at least said "I'm open to hearing what you have to say." As he always did when he set eyes on Flower Girl, Gardner felt like he was home.

"Hi, Flower Girl. I missed you," he confessed simply.

Now her smile opened up, clearly delighted and relieved. "I missed you, too," she concurred. "How are you?"

He slumped down in his chair and said "Terrible. I'm terrible without you. I'm terrible knowing I've hurt you. I feel terrible not understanding every single way I've hurt you. I know I need to make amends and some of it will have to wait for later, but please accept my provisional apology for now. Can we talk about it all after class?"

She nodded with a satisfied, relieved look. "Yes. I'd like to do that. And I do accept your apology."

"That's great. But in the meantime, let's talk quickly about what to do about this awful situation with Eve. I want to tell her you're my girlfriend and that I'm taking you out on a date and we don't want company. Is that okay with you?"

Flower Girl looked a bit alarmed at the thought of creating an unnecessary level of confrontation. "Are you sure? I mean, I don't mind if she comes to the movie, as long as she keeps her mitts off you and she knows you're my sweet boy and you're not interested in her."

Gardner shook his head. "No. I was being a pussy, just like you said. I want to have a romantic date with just you. That's what I wanted all along, the first time we went to the movies and Eve and Derek ended up horning in and coming with us. I never told you that, but that's the truth."

Flower Girl smiled shyly. "That's so cute. I didn't realize that you were courting me that night. I thought I was the brazen one who was chasing after you!"

"Oh, I was definitely trying to convince you to be my girlfriend, Flower Girl, don't doubt that for a minute," Gardner said, as he leaned in and gave her a peck on the cheek. "In fact, I had been scouting the campus a few days before, looking for places I could take you out on our first date."

"Really?" she asked, swooning as Gardner started to nibble on her ear.

"Mhmmm," he said.

"Wow," she exhaled, panting a bit as Gardner's ministrations started affecting her heart rate.

At that moment, they heard a shriek that made them jump apart and whip their heads around to locate its source.

Eve was standing a few feet away,

"NO WAY!!! You guys are _so_ not together, are you?" Eve blurted out.

Gardner rolled his eyes and said "Uhm, yes _way_. We are together."

Eve demanded "When did this happen? How could you lead me on like you have been, Gardner?"

Gardner and Flower Girl both looked at Eve like she was absolutely nuts. Now that Gardner had manned up, stepped forward and proclaimed that they were dating, Flower Girl decided to give voice to the umbrage she felt on Gardner's behalf.

She asked "Eve, what alternate fantasy world are you living in? Gardner has never led you on. He's done nothing but try to get you to leave him alone, in the most polite way possible."

Eve argued "It didn't seem like that to me, Leah. Asking me to go to coffee, then to the movies – twice!"

Flower Girl laughed. "Oh, you poor, deluded girl! I invited you to go to coffee with me and Gardner, and you invited yourself to go to the movies with the two of us both times."

Eve ignored this and skipped over to the next point that was bugging her and feeding her jealousy. "How long have you two been a thing?"

Flower Girl said "Not that it's any of your business, but we've been good friends for weeks and we've been dating since the night we went to the movie."

Gardner interceded "It really _is_ none of your business, Eve. I wish you'd just be happy for us and let us be. I'm going to be taking Flower Girl, I mean Leah, to the movie tonight just the two of us. It was meant to be a romantic date, and I didn't intend to invite you. So I'd appreciate it if you would just leave us to it."

Eve's jaw fell open as she processed Gardner's blunt brush-off. She gave it one more try. "But Gardner, you and I have so much more in common! We're both huge Hitchcock fans! Leah's never even made it through _one_ of his movies yet. And let's face it, I'm so much more normal than Leah. I'll bet you she won't even make it through the whole movie again tonight with that crazy panicking she does. Not to mention the fact that she barely fits in the seat with that fat ass of hers."

Gardner stood up and put his arms around Flower Girl, who had gasped upon hearing this harsh assessment of her. He cradled her and kissed her on the top of her head, then gave Eve a fierce glare.

"You are a terrible person to say something like that, Eve. If you think I would want to spend five minutes in your company, you're very much mistaken. Even before you insulted the woman I cherish I didn't like how you treated me, like I was some piece of meat you were craving. But now that I know how you feel about her, I don't want anything to do with you. You owe both of us an apology, which I doubt we'll get. So let's just leave each other to go our own ways in peace."

He sat down, scooted his desk over about a foot and allowed Flower Girl to do the same so as to put some distance between them and Eve. Flower Girl reached for Gardner's hand and intertwined their fingers, but didn't say anything and stared down at the floor. But Gardner could see the tears that crept down her cheeks and felt the pain and humiliation radiating off of her, so he gave her hand a hard squeeze until she acknowledged his support with a squeeze of her own.

After class, they left the lecture hall quickly as usual, pointedly ignoring Eve, who was glaring at them angrily as if she had somehow been the injured party in all of this. Gardner was incredulous that she could have misinterpreted his actions as showing a romantic interest in her and decided that she was just doing what she always did, trying to bully her way into getting what she wanted. He remembered back to the words of warning Derek had offered him the first time they went out together: _'Better watch your back, dude. What that lady wants, she usually gets!'_

Gardner guided Flower Girl to the Japanese garden as she wept. She had her eyes cast down at the ground and was allowing him to lead her, apparently knowing where they were going and trusting him, or she was already in a fugue of panic and was too senseless to care. So he took over the reins, feeling both heartsick and privileged to have that responsibility.

He guided them to a bench and sat them down. Flower Girl dug a Kleenex out of her purse and cleaned off her face, giving a good hard honking blow that made Gardner laugh. She giggled "I know, it's awful. I take after my dad. You should hear _him_ explode when he blows his nose. It raises the roof at our house."

The tension thus broken, Gardner felt better able to approach the conversation. He stroked her hair and said "How are you feeling, Flower? Are you okay?"

She gave a shuddery sigh and said "Yeah, I'm okay. I just felt really under siege for a while. That was pretty intense. Now I just feel sleepy. My system is shutting down, trying to protect itself."

Gardner said "I know you're tired, but we do have things we need to talk about. Do you want to save them for another time?"

She nodded and said "I appreciate you not just blowing off what happened the other day and wanting to follow up on how we left things. But yeah, I'm not up for a deep and meaningful discussion right now. I want to go home." She looked hopefully at him but didn't say anything.

As was becoming more common, he picked up on her hesitation and knew there was a silent request being aimed in his direction. He said "What is it you're thinking? Is there something I can do for you? You can ask for it, Flower. I'm here for you."

She smiled, noting his new, abbreviated nickname for her. "I was just wondering whether you'd be willing to come home with me and stay with me. I'm not sure whether I'm going to have the courage or energy to go back out again to see the movie later, but maybe if you're already with me, your presence will give me that extra bit of support I need. And also, it will give us some time to talk before we have to leave for the movie. Do you mind wasting an afternoon with me?"

Gardner clucked his tongue and said "No time I spend with you would be a waste. Don't even think that. I'd be glad to come home with you. I've got plenty of stuff in my backpack to keep me busy if you need to take a nap or just zone out and not talk. And when you're ready, we can regroup. Sound good?"

She nodded. "Sounds like a dream come true to me. Like maybe you don't think I'm a freak or crazy, like Eve does."

Gardner bristled at the mention of Eve's name. "I wish you'd just put the thought of that witch out of your head and never say her name again. She's wrong about you and me on every level. _She's_ the crazy one! She obviously lives in a total upside down world of her own where truth and decency don't exist. She's toxic and I never want you to think anything she says or does has any relationship to reality."

He drew Flower Girl in for a hug and held her fast for a few moments. Then he leaned back to look at her and brushed away a few smudges from her eye makeup and some tears that her tissues had missed. She laughed at his cleanup efforts and he winked at her.

Gardner stood up and offered Flower Girl his hand. "Come on, let's get you home." She nodded and took his hand. "Do you feel like you can drive?" She nodded again.

They didn't talk at all on the way to Flower Girl's apartment. She seemed to have gone inside herself and was performing some sort of triage on the damage the confrontation and subsequent panic had caused. Gardner admired how she seemed to know exactly what she needed to do to care for herself.

When they got inside, she gestured for him to make himself at home on the sofa and murmured "I need to go change my clothes," and disappeared into her bedroom. She came back out wearing a floral shorty pajamas set and a cardigan, which she pulled around herself, apparently more out of modesty than because of the temperature, since it was actually a warm day. Taking in the vision of all that extra bare skin for the first time, Gardner had that sensation of the wolf in the cartoon with his eyes bugging out of his head, with his jaw dropping open and howling "aaaaoooogaaahhh!" He'd experienced that same feeling the first time he set eyes on Flower Girl.

"Wow," he said, exhaling a puff of breath like he'd been gut punched.

Flower Girl smiled shyly but looked gratified. Her self-confidence had taken a beating that day, and it was just what she needed to hear. She walked over and sat down on the couch next to Gardner cross legged, tugging the cardigan over her chest.

"You don't have to do that, Flower, I've already seen you," he said, raising a flirtatious eyebrow.

She said "Yeah, I know. I just feel kind of exposed, like you think maybe I'm trying to seduce you when I'm really not." She sighed. "I don't know. What I told you about how guys have been with me in the past, combined with what Eve said about my body, and what we fought about when I said I knew what it was like to have somebody want what I didn't want to give them, you put that all together and it's got me all mixed up about how I feel about my body and you and me."

Gardner sat back and prepared to be receptive. "Do you want to talk about it now? Is there something you want to tell me about your past that you were thinking about the other day when you said I didn't understand what you'd been through?"

She said "I do, I do want to tell you, but not right now. I'm too upset. I want to just lie down and rest. You can stay out here if you want, or you can come in my room with me and sit with me. It's up to you."

Gardner wasn't sure what to do. He had never had such an intimate invitation. He had never spent more than a few minutes in Paige's bedroom before she had kicked him out, saying she had a lot to do that day and wanted him to leave. The memory of it still humiliated him. He didn't want to let his past taint his future, though, so he decided to be brave and accept her offer.

"Okay, I'll come sit with you and keep you company while you sleep."

Flower Girl looked relieved and pleased. She scrambled off the couch and fetched a couple of glasses of water for them to bring into the bedroom, then hesitated. "I was going to give you some water, but would you rather have juice or something else?"

Gardner said "Water's fine with me."

She asked "Are you hungry? I have snacks."

"I'm not hungry right now."

She gestured to a cupboard door and said "Well if you get hungry, help yourself to anything in here. It's where I keep my stash of goodies." She crossed over to the refrigerator and opened the door to show him what was inside it. "Or if you like healthy stuff, there's fruit and veg and cheese and yogurt and stuff like that here."

Gardner smiled and nodded in thanks.

She carried the two glasses of water down the hall and kicked open the door with her foot, stepped into the room, then set them down on the nightstand. The room contained a queen-sized bed that was unmade, a desk, a bookcase and a nightstand.

She said "You're welcome to sit at the desk, though it's not very comfortable, or you can sit on the bed with me."

Gardner stared at the desk, with its heaps of books and papers and hard little chair, then let his eyes drift over to the comfy bed with its floral quilt and numerous pillows. He looked at her and tried to divine what her preference was, but she was already crawling into bed and snuggling down into it, heedless of him. After another moment of hesitation, he finally toed off his shoes and crawled into bed with her, carrying his backpack with him.

Flower Girl looked delighted to see him joining her in the bed. As soon as he was next to her, she snuggled up next to him and burrowed her head in his side. He softly stroked her head and shoulders and marveled at the position in which he found himself. He took a moment to take stock of where he was, both geographically and metaphysically in his life, and he just plain marveled.

A couple of hours later, Gardner felt something poking him in the ribs and he stirred. He opened his eyes and realized he had fallen asleep while reading his astronomy textbook. Flower Girl had giggled at the sight of him lightly snoring, snuffling as he inhaled and poofing as he breathed back out and was twisting her finger into his side gently.

"Wakey wakey, Sweetie," she cooed.

"Huh, what? Oh, I must have dozed off," he observed dumbly. He swept the textbook off his chest and turned over to face her. He reached for her hand and held it gently. "How are you feeling now, Flower?"

She half sighed, half yawned. "Much better, thanks. I needed that chance to reboot. I almost can't remember how bad I felt before."

"Good," he said and patted her hand firmly as if to punctuate the point. He drew her in closer to him and kissed her, first sweetly and gently, then a bit more robustly. They were, after all, lying in a bed, and something in him could not resist taking note of that fact.

But Flower Girl was made of sterner stuff. "Gardner," she said and pulled away. "Before we do any of this, I'd like to talk about some things first, if that's okay."

He instantly felt guilty and ashamed that he had let his caveman instincts rule his actions. "Sure, of course. Sorry about that."

She smiled and said "It's okay. I'm not mad. I'm glad you want to kiss me. I want to kiss you, too. I just want to clear the air about a few things. Can we talk, preferably _not_ in bed? I'd like to keep this space a place for happy, intimate things, not difficult discussions."

"Yeah, of course. Lead the way." He sat up and followed her out to the sitting room.

She walked into the kitchen and said "I know by now you must be starving. Let's have something to eat first, okay?"

He nodded and said "Okay, I could eat. What have you got?"

She said "Not a heck of a lot, but how about peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?"

Gardner got a star struck look in his eyes. Here was a girl after his own heart. He ate PB and J sandwiches every day of his life when he worked for the post office. They were literally his jam.

"Yeah, that would be swell! That's my favorite!" he agreed.

Flower Girl glowed at Gardner's ringing endorsement. She quickly made a couple of sandwiches for them, threw some potato chips on a couple of plates, grabbed a bag of baby carrots and a basket of strawberries from the refrigerator, plus a carton of milk, and set them on the coffee table.

"I don't like to eat in the kitchen," she said. "It's too small and cluttered in there. I usually eat out here. Hope that's okay with you."

Gardner said "Yeah, that's fine."

They started to eat and she said "So first I'd like you to tell me your story about the person who wanted to date you but you didn't want to go out with her. My story is much more upsetting, and I won't be able to eat and talk about it at the same time. Do you mind?"

Gardner said "Uh, no, I guess not."

So he told Flower Girl all about Rose, Calvin's girlfriend Tracy's best friend, whom Calvin and he had met one night at a bar. She giggled as he related how Calvin had mistakenly thought she was Russian, even though she was Asian American and had a decidedly Texan accent and origin story. Once Calvin and Tracy started dating, and Gardner and Paige broke up, he found himself being thrown together with Rose quite frequently, if not in an actual double-dating situation, then certainly in a foursome type setup. Unfortunately, in Rose's mind, it definitely _was_ a double date and she tried very hard to woo Gardner, which made him extremely uncomfortable.

It wasn't that Rose was a bad person, and she certainly was very pretty, it was just that Gardner was totally distraught over his breakup with Paige and was not interested in dating anyone, and to be honest, he didn't think that he and Rose connected on any level, be it emotionally or intellectually. He refused to try to make something out of nothing and didn't know how to get her to see that there was no spark there on his side, so he had finally had appealed to Calvin and Tracy to get Rose to back off. Eventually she had taken the disappointment with good grace so that now they were all able to socialize fairly peaceably, provided she didn't get too sloshed, when she would sometimes forget her boundaries and start hitting on Gardner again.

"Well that's a pretty tricky situation you were in, especially because she was your brother's girlfriend's best friend. I can see how that kind of scarred you and why the Eve situation was giving you flashbacks," Flower Girl observed.

Gardner nodded. "Yeah, I just really didn't want to upset anyone, and I didn't want to mess things up for Calvin with Tracy, so I kept my mouth shut for a long time and put up with things I didn't want to for longer than I should have. But eventually I had to say something. I had to look out for myself, you know?"

Flower Girl nodded. "Yeah, I _do_ know. That's what I want to tell you about now." She set her plate aside, took a deep breath and exhaled. "I'm sorry I got so prickly with you and bit your head off. I don't usually get so stroppy over things. You just really hit a raw nerve. It's just that, well, I've been in a situation where I also got kind of steamrolled and was asked for things that I didn't want to give, and I know exactly what that's like. Not in the same way you did. Not to minimize what happened to you, but in a way what happened to me was worse because I gave away things I didn't want to and wished I hadn't and I ended up regretting it. I gave away pieces of myself to someone who didn't deserve it, someone who treated me terribly. And then there were the things he just plain took from me, too. That was even worse. I'm still not over it completely. I may never be over it."

Gardner asked "So are you talking about the boyfriend who hit on you in the laundry room?"

She winced at the thought of him and nodded "That's the one. I generally refer to him as the abusive bastard."

Gardner gulped, realizing now how deep a hole he had inadvertently stepped in when he'd accused Flower Girl of not being able to relate to his revulsion at the prospect of having to face down yet another unwelcome female suitor's advances.

"So do you want to tell me what happened between you two?"

Flower Girl sighed and said "I don't _want_ to, but I know I _need_ to. Otherwise, you won't understand why I got so mad and offended at you. And in any case, I intended to tell you at some point because it's a part of me and you need to know it so you'll understand who I am and why I approach our relationship the way I do. Do you want to hear it?"

Gardner said "Yes, of course, if you want to share it. I feel terrible that I set you off and I don't want to do it again. Trudie said I need to hear you out and make amends."

Flower Girl asked "Who's Trudie?"

Gardner said "She's my best friend."

Flower Girl narrowed her eyes and jutted out her jaw in mock suspicion. "Should I be jealous?"

Gardner laughed. "Only if you are threatened by geriatric, foul-mouthed, day-drinking vigilantes."

"Oh, fab! She sounds like my kind of people," Flower Girl enthused. "I'd like to meet her someday."

Gardner said "Trust me, I'm sure the feeling's mutual."

Flower Girl twiddled her fingers, not really wanting to move on with the conversation, but knowing she needed to. She took a deep breath and barreled on.

"Anyway, about my ex. I don't like to say his name, so I just call him Tab, short for T-A-B, which, like I said, stands for The Abusive Bastard. My shrink says it's fine not to honor him with his real name. After all, he dehumanized me, so I'm allowed not to give him the satisfaction of naming him."

Gardner nodded in agreement. "Fair enough. I don't need to know his name. But I do want to know what the hell he did to traumatize you so badly."

"I know, I know, I'm coming to that. I just needed to set that ground rule. So, first off, you don't have to hear all the nitty gritty details – I'll try to spare you those and just tell you the broad outlines.'

She took a deep breath as if to center herself for the task ahead.

"We met at the beginning of last year. Like I said, he picked me up in the laundry room of this building when he was still trying to figure out how to do laundry and I helped him out. Anyway, he was very charming at first. I told you how he sent me that personal in the school newspaper, thanking me for helping him with his laundry. I thought that was adorable. He really poured it on thick at first, doing sweet things like that, and he was persistent in pursuing me and I guess I was flattered at first.

"He wasn't all that handsome, though he was cute, but I considered that a plus because I thought he'd be more likely to be appreciate my attention and be faithful to me and I wouldn't have to fight off other girls for his attention. The thing that attracted me most, ironically, was that he seemed like a very unintimidating guy, kind of an insecure loser, and I thought he wouldn't hurt me or break my heart because he'd be humble. Boy did I get it wrong. Once he snagged me and we were dating, he quickly transformed into being very overbearing and narcissistic in the most basic ways. Everything had to be about him. He never asked me about how I was, or how my day went. Everything we did revolved around his schedule or his mood. And he'd just keep me dangling on a string, waiting for a scrap of affection and then yank it back if I didn't behave in a way that satisfied his ego."

Flower Girl's complexion had grown pale and grey and her hands were clenched at the memory of the misery of her previous relationship. Nevertheless, she persevered and continued on with her narration.

"If that's all I'd have had to put up with, it would have just been your average lousy relationship and I could have chalked it up to him being a jerk. But there was a deeper type of torture he liked to put me through. He would treat me as a sub-human. He would play on my agoraphobic fears and anxiety disorder and exploit them. Like we'd be walking through a crowded street and he'd just abandon me. Or one time he told me he'd pick me up at a place that was far away from campus and just never showed up and I had to scramble to find my own way home late at night. Then, when I'd call him out on his bad behavior, he'd turn it around on me and scold me for being weak, or for overanalyzing the situation and being too critical of him. He once said that if there were a manual on how to breathe, I would want to read it and make him do the same."

Gardner yelped "Jeez, that's horrible! What kind of an animal does that?"

Flower Girl shook her head and shrugged. "A sadist, I guess. But that's still not the worst thing that happened. I have to warn you, this is going to get really hairy now. It's sexual. Do you think you can handle it?"

Gardner's eyes widened and his jaw muscles twitched. He didn't want to hear what was coming next, but he knew he needed to. He had to. "Yes, I want to hear it. Tell me everything, Flower. I want to be here for you for everything and understand everything about you."

She reached for his hand and gave it a grateful squeeze and managed a tepid smile.

"Okay. Well first of all, he cheated on me all the damn time with other women. Aside from the shitty morality of it, I consider that to have been endangering my health, because I have no idea if he used condoms or not. But on top of that, he'd brag about it to me and make it seem like I was being possessive if I called him out on it, or he'd make it seem like I was inadequate to satisfy his needs and I drove him to it. But even more fundamentally, I had never wanted to have sex with him in the first place. He coerced me into it. I told him I didn't want to have sex with anyone I didn't love, but he wore me down. I won't go into the whole sordid psychological torture he used to convince me. Basically he bullied me and lowered my self-esteem so much by playing on my insecurities about being overweight and agoraphobic that he conned me into believing that no one would ever want me and that I may as well just give it up to him. So I lost my soul and my own morals all for nothing, and started believing that he was right, that I was just this sub-human person who didn't deserve to be treated any better than I was getting treated. And then one night ..."

Flower Girl hesitated and looked at Gardner, clearly having more to say but not wanting to come out with it. She twisted her fingers nervously and bit her lip, as two fat tears slid down her cheeks.

Gardner said "What else is there that you're not telling me? It's okay. I'm not going to judge you."

She put the heels of her hands up to her eye sockets and pressed the tears from her eyes. "Ohhhh, this is so hard, so humiliating. I'll tell you, but please know that this is not who I am, not something I brought on or asked for. I've gone through so much therapy to come to that realization."

Gardner gently took her hands away from her eyes and held them in his. "I'm sure it wasn't, Flower. I can tell by how distressed you are that whatever happened, it wasn't your fault and it wasn't something you wanted to happen. You don't have to tell me if you'd rather stop."

She shook her head. "Noooo, I want you to know. Because I think you're the one I want to be with and give my heart to, and I want— no, I need you to know who I am and where I stand on things and how I need to be respected and treated. And I need you to know why I got so upset at you the other day."

Gardner squeezed her hands and said "Okay. You're okay. Take a deep breath, and when you're ready, tell me the rest."

Flower Girl took a few breaths and composed herself, then took up her tale again.

"One night, Tab wanted to go see a movie that I didn't want to go see. It was a stupid movie and I had zero interest in seeing it, but he insisted. I didn't want to make him angry, and frankly, I was just happy he wanted to take me out on a date. He said that it was so unpopular that the movie theater was going to be almost empty, which is why he chose it especially for me. That made me so happy, like finally he was accepting my agoraphobia and doing something nice for me for a change. I was floating on a cloud as we entered the movie theater, thinking that for once I might be able to see a movie panic-free. He picked seats for us in the back row and true to his word, there were hardly any people in the theater. We had about five rows separating us from the next people, so I felt safe.

"Well we weren't more than ten minutes into the movie before he started pawing at me, wanting to make out. I was surprised because he had said he wanted to see this movie so bad, and yet he wasn't paying it any attention. I let him kiss me, but then I was trying to concentrate on the movie when he started getting aggressive with me. He leaned over and asked me to give him a blowjob. I was shocked and told him no. Let's just say he didn't take no for an answer. He forced me to give him one. As soon as he was finished, he pawed at me under my skirt and yanked my stockings down, but I managed to squirm away.

"He was really mad that I ruined his fun and hauled me out of there. He hadn't been there for the movie at all! When we got out of the movie theater, my stockings were torn apart and I couldn't get them back up my legs. I had on a short skirt and my ass was just flapping in the breeze. I was totally humiliated and devastated."

Gardner was utterly stunned. He had never met anyone who had been sexually violated. He had no reservoir of knowledge upon which to draw to offer advice or comfort. All he knew was that he was furious that someone had mistreated this sweet, loving, vulnerable woman so badly and that she was still suffering from the aftereffects. He reached for her and hugged her tightly.

"I don't have any words, Flower. I just don't. But I have feelings, and they range from anger to sadness to disorientation to utter contempt for that guy. I just can't comprehend how someone could do that to you."

"You and me both, Sweetie. I still can't believe it happened. I work on acceptance every day. That's a baseline exercise for me, never mind trying to understand it. I don't even bother with that. And as for anger, I'm trying to let that go, because I know if you asked Tab if he did anything wrong, he would say he was just taking what he thought he was entitled to, or that he was just having a bit of fun and I should have loosened up and gone with it. He wouldn't think he did anything wrong at all. That's the way it is with narcissists. No conscience and no empathy. You can't fight it and you can't prevail over it. You can only escape, which thank God I did."

Gardner drew back suddenly and said "He doesn't still live in this building, does he?"

"No," she reassured him. "I reported him to the local police and he was prosecuted so he had to leave school. For once, justice did prevail. If it had been the campus police, I doubt I'd have gotten justice."

Gardner said "So this is why you got mad at me when I said you didn't know how scary it is to face someone who's pushy and wants something from you but you don't want the same thing?"

"Yeah, you really pissed me off pulling that assumption out of your ass."

Gardner blushed with embarrassment and remorse. "I'm really sorry about that. If I'd only known."

Flower Girl waved her hand dismissively. "Pffft. But you didn't, and there's no way you could have, so let's forget it. That's not why I brought it up. I'm just saying it by way of explanation and also apology. I'm sorry I popped off at you. My reaction was completely disproportionate to your words. That's what I'm trying to say. I'm not usually so volcanic. You just happened to tread on a huge landmine. So I'm trying to say, let's just mend our fences and move past it. Please?"

Gardner said "Of course, that's already done, as long as you're willing to forgive me for being an ass. I know I have a lot to learn about being in a relationship, and I hope you'll cut me some slack for the learning curve I'm on. There are two things I can definitely promise you."

She asked "And what are those two things?"

Gardner reached for her hands and kissed the one at a time.

"One, that I will definitely make more mistakes and say more dumbass things." He kissed her right hand.

"And two, that I will try my very best not to make mistakes and say more dumbass things." He kissed her left hand.

Flower Girl smiled and said "Well, I can't ask for more than that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment, give kudos and let a friend know that this story exists. I'd like to know who is reading this story and it's a pleasure to interact with you. Thanks for reading.


	6. Chapter 6

So now both Flower Girl and Gardner’s brief but traumatic love life stories were out in the open. They had a basis for which to judge each other’s responses to each other and to gauge each other’s experience, or lack thereof. Even though spilling the beans cost them emotionally, it came as a relief to both of them because they knew it would pay dividends many times over.

Flower Girl asked “Are we still going to this movie tonight?”

Gardner replied “I think with all that you’ve been through today, that decision should be up to you. What do you want to do?”

She sat back on the couch and stared up at the ceiling. “I don’t know. Part of me wants to just hide out from the world and tuck my tail between my legs. I feel so battered and bruised. But another part of me doesn’t want people like Eve and Tab to win, and staying home from the movie would feel like handing them a victory. Usually, the way to get myself to overcome my agoraphobia is for me to bribe myself. To make myself see that there’s something extra in it for me that will make it worth my while.”

Gardner said “Hmmm, let’s see if I can pitch it to you and sell you on the idea. First of all, the movie is an absolute classic. It’s visually stunning, with some first rate dialogue, amazing cinematography, and let’s face it, even if I am a man, I can admit that Cary Grant is a handsome hunk of man.”

Flower Girl giggled and flapped her hands to punctuate her amusement. “Oh, you are too much, Sweetie. I appreciate your metrosexual sensibility. Go on, keep selling me on it.”

Gardner thought some more, then continued. “Well, the fact is, we could probably just rent the movie online somewhere, but seeing a Hitchcock movie on a big screen is a totally different experience. It would be like going back in time to 1959 when it was released, and you’ll see the movie in a different way entirely, with truer colors and a grander scale that is just not replicable on a tiny TV or computer screen. And again I revert to Cary Grant – he looks so much better on a thirty-foot screen.”

“Mmmmm, that’s true,” Flower Girl mused dreamily.

“But I think the best reason to go out is so that you don’t let your ghosts and demons pin you down and define your decisions and actions. We can always have the same escape plan we did before. We can go and if you don’t feel comfortable, we can leave again.”

Flower Girl mulled over the problem for a few moments and then said “Okay, let’s go to the movie. But would you mind staying with me and going straight there, instead of going home to change your clothes and me picking you up at your house? I think that would be just one more bridge too far for me. I’d kind of like to use you as my service dog, like you offered before, to help me get there. Is that okay?”

Gardner nodded vigorously and said “Sure. That’s no problem. As long as you don’t mind my not looking as sharp for you as I wanted to. I was going to change my clothes and spiff myself up.”

Flower Girl laid her hand on his shoulder and said “I so appreciate that, Sweetie. I’ll take a raincheck on seeing you in your date clothes again. You do look lovely in them. I tell you what – I’ll dress casual too so you don’t feel out of place.”

Gardner said “Uhhm, actually, if you want to make me a happy man, you’ll dress yourself up as much as you want. I love it when you’re all dolled up at school, and when you showed up for our last date wearing that hot outfit, I thought I was going to faint. So you go ahead and wear whatever you want, but don’t let me stop you from pulling out all the stops. Just wear whatever you want.”

Flower Girl smiled and said “Flattery might get you somewhere, Sweetie,” she trilled. “Though like I just told you about Tab, I’ve learned my lesson on that score. Not that he really complimented me once he locked me down. But anyway, it’s all the other sweet things you say to me that really captured my heart.”

Gardner blushed and said “I get that. But please don’t let what happened in your past relationship prevent me from telling you just how beautiful you are, and how attracted to you I am. That would be so wrong. I would be crushed if you wouldn’t allow me to compliment you.”

She smiled wanly. “I’m trying to get used to taking your compliments. I’m just not accustomed to them. But go ahead and keep giving them. It’s not that I don’t think well of myself, it’s just that I lost myself for a time while I was in that awful relationship, and it’s been a hard journey finding my way back.”

Gardner pulled her in for a hug. “I understand. But you said it yourself, that we’re on a journey together. So I’m here for that part, too.”

He kissed her cheek and caressed the spot where her tears had bedewed her face. “Feeling better now?”

She nodded. “Yes, it feels good to let you in on all that and not have to hold it in. I felt terrible for that period of time, knowing you were mad at me and being too afraid to call you. I just had such a heavy weight on my shoulders and I wasn’t sure how to set it down, so I needed to check in with my therapist first.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t pick up the phone and call you. I don’t have as good an excuse as you do. I just didn’t think you wanted to hear from me. And yeah, I thought I ought to check in with my own version of a shrink, and that’s Trudie. She may be a little looney, but she usually does give me some good advice.”

Flower Girl waved her hand dismissively. “It’s okay that you didn’t call given the circumstances. It was better to talk this over face to face. But now that we have, can we make a promise to each other that if we have misunderstandings in the future, we won’t let them sit and fester for multiple days like we did this time? That we’ll get together at least the next day and try to work it out?”

Gardner said “Yes. I can get on board with that. I don’t like it when people abandon me.”

Flower Girl gave him a piercing look, as if she was trying to impute more meaning into that sentence or hoping he’d explain further, but he didn’t elaborate, so she just decided to let it go. She assumed it must have something to do with how Paige had treated him. 

Gardner shifted uneasily and cleared his throat. “So, what should we do now?”

Flower Girl said “Well, we could study for a while, then go get some dinner.”

Gardner said “Okay. Hey! There’s this really great Italian place that Calvin told me about where there’s a ghost. Want to go there and chase it away?”

Flower Girl scrunched up her face in bewilderment and said “There’s a ghost there? A haunted restaurant? Do they know it’s haunted? If they don’t, they’re really missing out on a marketing opportunity.”

Gardner said “Nah, they don’t know it’s haunted. It’s only haunted for me. I took Paige there once and she walked out on me. Is that too gross and pathetic that I want to take you there and chase my old ghost away?”

Flower Girl shrugged her shoulders and said “I don’t know. Probably not. How come you want to go back to the scene of such a bad memory?”

Gardner said “Because I really want to face down that bad memory like you just did. I was really looking forward to taking my girlfriend to a nice Italian restaurant, and she shat all over my fantasy date.”

“Well that sucks. Hell yeah, I want to go to that restaurant!”

Gardner said “Thanks, Flower, you’re a good sport. One thing I should warn you, though. It turned out that Calvin’s idea of a really great restaurant does not match what most normal people think is a great restaurant.”

She asked “Uh oh, what am I getting myself into? What’s it like?”

Gardner grinned sheepishly. “Frankly, it’s a divey deli. But the point still stands!”

Flower Girl guffawed. “Well I appreciate your warning me in advance so I didn’t get my hopes up and expect white tablecloths and candles.”

“Someday I will take you to a place like that. I promise I will.”

She said “I don’t really care. I don’t need to be wined and dined. I just want to be treated with dignity and respect, understanding and compassion. I want to just _be_ with you. The setting doesn’t really matter.”

Gardner mockingly threw his arms up in the air and said “Yesssss! Cheap date!”

She laughed and said “Given how rarely I’m in the mood to go out, I’d say you’re probably right. You lucky duck! Come on. Let’s study.”

She reached for her backpack and pulled out a textbook. 

They settled in on the couch, each with some course work, and worked steadily for a couple of hours. 

Eventually, Gardner stretched his arms and legs. “I’m hungry, Flower, I need a snack.” he whined.

“Oh, I’m sorry. What can I get you?” she asked, rising up and heading for the kitchen.

He threw his arm around her and pulled her back down to the couch. He nudged his face into her neck. “This is my favorite snack. Can I just have a little nibble?” He started to drop tiny kisses on her throat and neck.

She giggled and swooned a bit. “Have at it, Sweetie. Help yourself.” She leaned back and let him cover her with kisses. Gardner started breathing harder and blowing warm puffs of breath on her. Her body temperature and pulse began to rise, and her breathing became erratic. She started huffing out small breaths, finally stifling a groan.

Gardner pulled away, giving her an inquiring look. “Should I take this further? Do we have time before dinner, and more importantly, are you up for it?”

Flower Girl said “I don’t know how much further you had in mind, but I personally don’t need you to take me out to dinner tonight. In fact, it kind of feels like too much, on top of going to the movie. So if you ask me what I’d rather do, go out to dinner or get friendly with you on the couch, I’ll pick the latter.”

Gardner smiled and nodded. “Yeah, we can just get snacks at the movie. Plus, when I think of it, we’ve already chased away a couple of ghosts today. No need to overdo it.”

She looked at him solemnly and said with a note of caution in her voice, “Gardner, Sweetie, please don’t make the mistake of thinking that just because I told you about Tab that I’ve chased the ghost away. What he did to me still colors every decision I make and I’m still suffering from PTSD. I told you about it all so you’d understand that. I mean, you’ve already been treated to a dose of my trauma when I snapped at you that day. I’m still healing, and it may be that you get caught in the crossfire of the battle I’m still fighting to overcome the trauma. So do me and yourself the greatest service you can do and don’t be complacent about that chapter of my life being over, because it isn’t.”

“Okay. Thanks for explaining it to me like that. I also have things that have happened to me that I’m still trying to get over, so I understand what you’re saying.”

Flower Girl asked “Are you going to tell me about them?”

Gardner stiffened up momentarily and then tried to shake it off. “I’ll share things with you when they seem relevant or when I think you need to know about them because they have a bearing on our relationship. Is that fair?”

Flower Girl didn’t look at all convinced or satisfied, but she didn’t press him. “Let me put it this way. I want to hear whatever you have to tell me, but I want to know all there is to know about you, Sweetie. Even the uncomfortable, hurtful stuff. So I’ll wait until you’re ready.”

Gardner nodded his head and said simply “Thank you. I think that will work fine.” He dove back in and started kissing Flower Girl’s neck. 

Her mind was momentarily preoccupied, however, wondering what Gardner was concealing from her. What trauma from his own past was so significant to his formation as a human being and yet so painful that he wouldn’t share it with her? She decided that she wouldn’t pry or press him. She would let him come to her in his own time. She had faith that eventually, he would want to trust her with all his feelings and stories, just like she did with him.

By now Gardner had managed to kiss his way down Flower Girl’s sternum to the edge of her camisole pajama top and was looking up at her, his eyes asking silent permission to move it aside to reveal what was underneath. She smiled and nodded, and he used his chin to nudge the material down, kissing every inch of skin that was revealed. She herself slipped the shoulder strap down to offer him better access. 

This time there was no industrial-strength bra impeding his progress, and he gently rubbed his stubbly whiskers over her skin. She squirmed and remarked “Ooooh, that feels so strange, but so goooood. You’re like a friendly porcupine.” Ever since he had been fired from the post office, Gardner had stopped shaving every day and now maintained a small amount of red facial hair that he never let grow into a full beard, but hovered just between stubble and “needs a trim.” He felt it made him look older than the kids he had to ride herd over at the arcade and gave him an extra air of authority. 

“I’m glad you like it. It’s part of my working uniform,” he said enigmatically.

“What does that mean?” she asked.

“It makes it easier to distinguish me from the kids in the arcade,” he joked.

“You do have sort of a baby face,” she said, running her hand over his cheek, which was resting on her exposed breast. 

Gardner smiled and snaked his tongue out, licking at her nipple. “Let me show you how manly I can be,” he joked, deepening his voice.

She jumped as he made contact, and hissed with pleasure. He drew her nipple into his mouth and began to suck on it, gently at first and then more firmly, then grazing it with his teeth until she cried out with pleasure.

“You like that?” he asked.

“Yes, I like it when you claim me and make your presence known. You seem like such a shy boy, but you’re not, really, are you?”

Gardner said huskily “Not when you let me be who I want to be. Not when you believe in me and say you like who I am and you like what you see. Not when you give yourself to me with such an open heart. Then I feel safe being the man I feel I really am.”

“Oh, Gardner. You said last time that you wanted to liberate me. I want to do that for you, too. I want us both to be free to be who we are. I got so messed up emotionally and sexually with Tab. I’m kind of unsure where the red and green lights ought to be now. For now, let’s just say this. I’m not going to make love to you unless I fall in love with you. But everything else should just happen when we both feel like we’re ready. Does that sound okay?”

Gardner said “Yeah, that sounds right to me. I think I learned my lesson about sex without love, too. It was nothing special. Not worth the price of admission. I mean, I guess it was good to get the first time out of the way, especially being a guy. There’s that pressure to know what you’re doing and to have experience. But this next time, I want it to be special, to mean something. So I think I feel the same way you do.”

She stroked his whiskers and lips, then tapped her lips, indicating she’d like a kiss. He scooched up and obliged, giving her a long, sweet one which he tried to infuse with as much meaning as he could. Soon enough the kissing grew heated again. Eventually Gardner had his lips clamped around her nipple again. He flicked her other nipple with his fingers as she squirmed and panted.

Finally, she reached for his shirt and tugged at it, letting him know she wanted more equity in the situation. He was still not that comfortable in his skin with her, but he wanted to reach that point, so he reached over his head and took it off. She sat up and removed her camisole, then ran her hands over his chest lightly.

“You have a lovely body, Gardner. You really do. I love how it feels and how it looks. I sense that you don’t believe that, but I hope my actions will convince you.”

He gave her an uneasy smile, then loosened up a bit as she began to plant wet kisses all over his torso, mostly his chest. He concentrated on how he _felt_ , not how he _looked_. And right at the moment, Flower Girl was making him feel incredible.

She spent only a few seconds giving quick gentle kisses to his stomach so as not to trigger his self-consciousness. She decided this would be just a “Hello, how do you do?” session. She sat up and rubbed their chests together and let the delicious friction stimulate them both. They each moaned and whimpered, enjoying the sensation of skin on skin. She said “I love how this feels. You make me feel so good, so cherished, so horny…”

Gardner exploded with a loud laugh. “Wow, I wasn’t expecting you to say _that_!”

Flower Girl said “I warned you I had a bawdy mouth on me! And I can’t help it, you _do_ make me horny. But still, it occurs to me, we had better not take this any farther. For one thing, it’s almost time to leave. And for another thing, you don’t have a change of clothes and if we get up to the kind of mischief we did last time, you’re going to be walking around with an embarrassing spot on your pants.”

Gardner’s cheeks pinked up. “Oh, erm, uh, yeah, there’s that to think about.”

Flower Girl said “I’ve often thought how inconvenient the male anatomy is. Women’s coochies are so much tidier in that sense. All tucked up and hidden away. On the other hand,” she mused, “there is the issue of daily and monthly discharge, lubrication, secretions and other fluid dispersal we have to cope with that you men get to avoid.”

Gardner yelped “Oh my god! I can’t believe you’re talking about this with me!”

She looked at him, astonished, “Why shouldn’t I be? Gardner, this is stuff you are going to need to know if you want to hang with a woman and really understand me. You can’t go getting intimate with a woman and not know how her body works and not understand all the things she has to cope with. I mean, do you even know about PMS and periods and things?”

Gardner scoffed. “Of course I know about periods!” He hesitated, then asked “What’s PMS?”

She rolled her eyeballs and replied “See? This is what I’m talking about! This is basic info you ought to know, and you should be glad you have a willing guide to the world of women. PMS stands for pre-menstrual syndrome. It means right before a chick gets her period, she sometimes gets kind of emotional from hormonal fluctuations or even physically sick with bloating, cramps and headaches. Not every woman gets that, but many do. I fortunately don’t suffer from it beforehand, but I do have terribly painful, long periods, so I take the pill to regulate them. My ovaries are like super-soldiers and they never seem to get the message to stand down, so I also take birth control pills to use the hormones in them to help me not get ovarian cysts. One time, before I was on the pill, I got a cyst and it exploded and it was the most painful thing I’ve ever had happen to me.”

Gardner winced. “Ooof! That sounds horrible. Wow, this is all inside information, huh?”

She nodded “This is the good stuff you’re getting. This is the lowdown inside scoop. I take it you and Calvin don’t have any sisters.”

Gardner stiffened up slightly. “Uh, no. No sisters.”

She looked at him appraisingly, squinting her eyes. “You know it’s funny, but you guys look nothing alike.”

Gardner said in an exaggeratedly breezily tone “Oh, well, yeah, people say that all the time.” He looked around, desperate for a diversion. He spotted a clock on the cable box and said “Hey, look at the time, maybe we ought to get ready to go and we’ll grab some food on the way to the movie.”

Flower Girl had that sensation once again that Gardner was avoiding discussing something with her, purposely changing the topic, but she couldn’t figure out why. Still, she allowed him to do it. She promised herself to let him have his space and maintain his boundaries. 

They drove to campus and stopped by one of the many food trucks on their way to the auditorium. They ate grilled cheese sandwiches and French fries while they sat on the quadrangle underneath a tree. There weren’t quite so many people on campus now since the sun had set. Still, it was a mild evening and people were milling around, buying food and eating it on the lawn. 

After they finished eating, they went to the auditorium and Gardner insisted on stopping at the concession stand. Flower Girl said she wasn’t hungry, but allowed Gardner to buy her a package of her favorite Junior Mints, “just in case.” He got Milk Duds and a soda. 

When they entered the theater, there were only a few people present since they were purposely very early, so they took the same seats as they had the week before. These seats had proved to be handy for a quick exit when Flower Girl had had a panic attack, and by now she felt comfortable sitting in them.

They were chatting and eagerly waiting for the movie when they heard a most unwelcome greeting. 

“Leah, Gardner, fancy meeting you here!” It was Eve’s screechy voice racketing around the auditorium as she marched towards them, dragging Derek behind her as she clutched his hand in hers.

Flower Girl tensed when she saw Eve and grabbed Gardner’s hand, who clenched hers back with more than a little alarm and threw his arm around her. She reflected that it seemed like Gardner was even more rattled than she was, even though Eve’s verbal assault on her had been way more aggressive than her overtures towards him. Perhaps it was his sense of wanting to protect her that occasioned his protective reaction. She knew what it was like to feel like fresh meat for a predator, though, and empathized with Gardner. 

She squeezed his hand back and said “It’s okay, Sweetie. We’re both okay.”

Derek had a deer in the headlights look in his eyes, combined with a look of both bewilderment and shame. He said “Hey, guys. I didn’t realize you were going to be here. Eve said she had no one to take her to this move because you guys were going out on a date and asked me to tag along with her. Sorry if we’re _intruding_.” His emphasis on the word “intruding” seemed to be meant to telegraph his feelings about what he felt at discovering the true nature of what was an obvious ambush on Eve’s part.

Before Gardner or Flower Girl could say anything, Eve said “That’s not how I put it, Derek. I said that Leah and Gardner were going to a movie together and that I wanted you to come with me. And here we all are now! Might as well sit together, eh?” And with absolutely no shame or compunctions about the misery she had caused the couple earlier that day, she plunked herself down in the seat next to Gardner.

Now it was time for another of Gardner and Flower Girl’s wordless conversations that they had with their eyes and distressed expressions. He looked at her with bulging, panicking eyes that silently communicated _‘Oh my god, can you believe the nerve of this girl? What can we do about this? Please tell me I don’t have to sit next to her for this movie!’_ and Flower Girl’s sympathetic mute reply was _‘I know this is hard for you. It’s hard for me too. But let’s just make the best of this and not cause a fuss. It will only feed her insanity if we make a big deal of it.’_

Gardner sighed and shrugged his shoulders, then slumped down in his seat in defeat. Flower Girl whispered to him “Do you want me to take your seat and you can have mine?”

Gardner whispered back “Noooo, if you can’t sit next to the aisle, you might have a panic attack and then you won’t enjoy the movie, worrying about it. I’ll be okay.”

In the end, it did turn out to be okay, because Eve had a different strategy for this evening than fawning all over Gardner like she had in the past. This time, she apparently was trying to make him jealous by hanging all over Derek, who didn’t appear to be enjoying the attention and was squirming in his seat. He had to keep unhooking her hands from various parts of his body and setting them back in her own personal space. He reared back in his seat to try to put some distance between his and her face, which she kept trying to nuzzle together to imitate intimacy.

By now, Gardner had figured out that he wasn’t in any imminent danger of being manhandled, so he relaxed and turned his attention back to Flower Girl. He decided to just resume the date and enjoy it to the extent he could, and to be as open with his affection for her as he wanted to. Maybe that would help Eve accept that he was off the market. With his arm around her, he kissed Flower Girl’s hand, then leaned over and kissed her cheek.

She was taken by surprise at first but then embraced Gardner’s strategy. “I like this, this is nice,” she said softly, as she snuggled up to him.

Gardner said “I decided to just go ahead and have our romantic movie date. Not care about Eve and Derek.”

Flower Girl said “To be fair, I don’t think Derek had any part in trying to sabotage our date. He looks pretty miserable right now.”

Gardner stole a glance over his shoulder and saw Derek unpeeling himself from Eve’s grasp. He turned back to Flower Girl and said “Okay, maybe you’re right. He’s not really such a bad guy, I have to admit. Only thing I don’t like about him is that he likes you too much.”

Flower Girl said “You don’t know that. He’s never said anything to me to hint that he wants to date me. And even if he did, I’d have said no. So you can stand down, Tarzan.”

Gardner laughed and gave her a squeeze. “I’ve never had anyone to protect or to claim, as you phrased it before. I kind of like it.”

“I like it, too,” she admitted. “Just don’t get carried away and forget that I’m my own person. And don’t pull any macho shit on me. I hate that. Tab had no respect for women. He seemed to figure they were only good for spreading their legs and listening to him talk about himself.”

Gardner said “I hope you think there’s plenty of contrast between me and him.”

Flower Girl replied “Obviously I do. And I see a huge contrast in our relationship. I don’t belong to you and you don’t belong to me, but we belong to each other. It’s more about what we mean to each other. How we care about each other and feel about each other.”

Gardner nodded and laid his hand upon her cheek gently to emphasize his point. “I think I understand that. But if you need me to know more, to understand more, or if I somehow seem like I’m not getting it, please just tell me. If you’re mad at me, please don’t walk away from me again like you did in the garden the other day. I know why you did it, and I understand, but I hope we’re past that now. Now I want to go back to what we said before – communication is key.”

She nodded. “Yes. You’re right. We need to be open and talk about everything that’s on our minds and share what’s bugging us or troubling us. Hold nothing back. Right?” She gave him a piercing look that bored a hole in his soul.

He gulped and nodded. He didn’t trust himself to reply verbally, lest a bolt of lightning come down from the heavens and strike him dead. He knew he was concealing a huge secret from her – his bizarre upbringing and the ordeal his parents put him through when they abandoned him. At this point, he sensed that she had picked up on the fact that he was holding back something fundamental about his history or emotional makeup that she really ought to know. He was grateful that for now, she wasn’t calling him out on it overtly but was only hinting at it.

Mercifully, the lights dimmed and the movie started. Gardner whispered “I really hope you like the movie, but let me know if it gets to be too much for you. Just say your safe word – flowers – and we’re out of here, no questions asked.” 

Flower Girl said “Thanks. I think I’ll be okay as long as nobody gets attacked by killer seagulls.” She was making reference to the last Hitchcock movie they had seen the previous week, _The Birds_ , which featured a series of bird attacks, the first of which scared the audience so much that they started shrieking, which had triggered her panic response to such a degree that they had fled the theater. 

They settled in and watched the movie, holding hands. When Gardner started to caress her arm, she tensed up initially. She couldn’t help contrasting in her mind this movie date with the horrendous experience she had had when Tab took her to the movies, that awful night when he had assaulted her. There was no way she could refrain from recalling the memory, particularly since they had just talked about it hours before, but she tried her best to distinguish the two experiences,. She reminded herself that this was Gardner she was with, and that those hands belonged to an affectionate, caring man. 

Gardner seemed to pick up on her thoughts and he whispered in her ear “I’m here with you now, Flower. You’re safe with me. You’ll never ever be taken to a movie by any other man who will hurt you again. Not if I have anything to say about it.”

She thanked him silently with a small kiss, then looked back at the screen, and let relief and gratitude for the blessings in her life wash over her. The fact that Gardner was so attuned to her distress and considerate of her feelings meant the world to her. Many times in her life she’d been told she was “too sensitive,” as if that was a character defect, but Gardner not only seemed not to mind, but he almost seemed to possess an equal degree of sensitivity. 

Flower Girl managed to make it all the way through the movie, helped along by Gardner’s occasional flirtatious caresses of her knees and arms and shoulders and neck. In fact, she was having a bit of a hard time remembering to pay attention to the screen and kept having to remind him that he had wanted her to see this movie. He’d giggle and say “Oh, right,” and withdraw his hand for a while, but he was back with gentle cuddles eventually. She didn’t mind at all. 

When the lights came up, Gardner was surprised to see that Eve had switched her seat to the opposite side of Derek and that there was an empty seat next to him. He hadn’t even noticed. He thought to himself that perhaps she had gotten so repulsed by his and Flower Girl’s PDA that she couldn’t take sitting next to him anymore. Whatever the reason, he was more than gratified. He looked at Derek, who gave him a friendly smile and winked at him almost imperceptibly, as if he was somehow in on the whole thing, supporting him and Flower Girl, and truly understood Gardner’s distress. 

Gardner helped Flower Girl up from her seat and asked “Do you want to bail out of here real fast?”

She said “Yes, definitely. Let’s burn rubber!”

She waved to Derek and said “I’ll see you at our next study group, Derek!” and scooted out into the aisle with Gardner close behind her, waving at Derek quickly and ignoring Eve. They quickly threaded their way through the crowd and practically ran out into the evening air. Once they were free of the building, they joined hands and made a run for the car, laughing all the way.

When they got to the car, Flower Girl leaned up against it for ballast as she caught her breath, panting and still laughing. 

She asked “Can you believe the nerve of that girl? Crashing our date? And dragging poor Derek along as her accomplice? Like maybe she thought he’d be up for swapping dates or something? She is one sick puppy.”

Gardner shivered at the thought of the whole setup Eve must have had in mind.

He said “I can’t imagine what she thought she was going to accomplish by pulling that stunt. All she did was make me dislike her even more and be even more turned off by her. She’s gone full-on Glenn Close in _Fatal Attraction_!” He imitated the actress in the movie. “I’m not going to be ig-noooorrrred, Gardner!!!”

Flower Girl started busting up laughing again, propped up against the car, with Gardner leaning against her, laughing his head off, too. Suddenly, the mood changed, as they both realized their bodies were pressed up against each other, and Gardner took a hank of Flower Girl’s hair at the nape of her neck and pulled her in for a searing kiss. They tangled tongues and ran their hands through each other’s hair, suddenly caught up in a passionate embrace. 

When they finally pulled apart, Flower Girl said “Wow! That came out of nowhere. That was intense.”

Gardner said “I know. You just have that effect on me. I get a vision of you being so lovely and wonderful and all I want to do is show you how much I – I care about you and want you.” He just barely avoided using the word love. It was too soon for that. 

She nodded and said “I feel that way, too. I was remembering the last time I was at a movie with a boyfriend and I was thinking about how different it was tonight. I was counting my blessings and thanking God it was you instead. I was really feeling happy about the choice I made in my life this time.”

Gardner said “I know. I could tell it was upsetting you at first. I just want you to know that I’ll never _ever_ hurt you, Flower. Even if I disappoint you, I’ll never physically hurt you or force you to do anything you don’t want to do.”

She said “I know that, Sweetie. It really should go without saying, but I appreciate your reassuring me about that point. I was just having a flashback. It happens sometimes, and it was just the symmetry of the situation, combined with the fact that we’d been talking about it this afternoon. But I guess it’s also inevitable that I’m going to be comparing you to my awful last boyfriend. You’ve been doing it with me and Paige, too.”

Gardner said “Yeah, I have. So I guess it’s just natural. Well, we both lucked out, didn’t we?”

Flower Girl leaned forward and kissed Gardner tenderly. “You bet we did.”

She pulled her keys out of her purse and said “We’ve spent a lot of time together today and I’m thinking you probably want to go home now. I’m not saying you’re not welcome at my place, but I think maybe it’s premature to ask you to sleep over and there’s no way you’re going to peel me out of my house again to drive you home if you come over now. What do you think?”

He said “I could take a cab home from your place, but I think maybe you’re right. The temptation would be there to stay the night and I think we’re not really there yet. Plus, you’ve had a big day and so have I. Lots of emotion and stuff happening. I’m pretty wiped out. So why don’t you drop me at home?”

She nodded and said “Good call. We’ll get there eventually, no rush. Our journey is long and we have lots of time. Let’s just enjoy it as it meanders along. That’s something else I didn’t get a chance to do in my last relationship.”

Gardner cracked “Neither did I, obviously, since it only lasted about eight hours.”

She giggled and gave him a peck on the cheek, then unlocked the car doors. They drove home and he peppered her with questions about what she thought about the movie. They had barely had time to analyze it before they were at his house.

She said “Well, we’re already here and I’ve got lots more to say about the movie. Let’s pick this up again the next time we see each other or speak.”

“Which will be when?” Gardner asked.

“Well we said we’d talk every night whether we saw each other or not, so we could chat on the phone tomorrow night…” She left the sentence hanging unfinished.

“Or, we could get together tomorrow before I have to work,” he suggested.

She said “Yeah, we could do that. I don’t have class on Fridays. Last Friday was pretty memorable.” She waggled her eyebrows suggestively, recalling her tour of Gardner’s boat. 

He blushed and said “Mmmm, yeah, it was pretty epic. Want to come over and see my stamp collection? I haven’t shown you that yet.”

She giggled and said “Is that a euphemism for something naughty? Is that like asking me over to your place to look at your etchings?”

He said “No, no, I really _do_ collect stamps, remember? I want to show them to you. They’re very important to me.” He looked sincere, but was suppressing a wry smile. 

“Okay, well then I definitely want to see them.”

“Cool. Want to have breakfast with me and Cal again?”

“Yes, please! Can we have waffles again?”

“I’ll ask him, but he might want to impress you by cooking something else.”

“Oh, well, that’s fine by me. If he’s got something else special in his repertoire, who am I to squelch his culinary talents?”

Gardner leaned across the seat divider and gave her a kiss to remember him by. “Good night, Flower. I’ll sleep better knowing I’m going to see you again so soon.”

“Me too,” she said. “Thanks for taking me to see the movie. It was truly wonderful. On many levels.” Her eyes were shining with something more than pleasure. There was gratitude and a sense of peace in them as well. 

Gardner understood what she was getting at. “My pleasure. Come over at 7:30 tomorrow morning.” He hopped out of the car.

“Okay. Goodnight, Sweetie. Sleep well,” she said and waved, then drove away as he stood watching her leave.


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning, Flower Girl showed up right on time for breakfast. Calvin greeted her with a hug and remarked upon her punctuality.

"You're an eager beaver!" He turned to the stove and picked up a sausage link with his tongs. "Girl, tell me the truth. Do you love me for my personality or the length of my links?"

Gardner gave him an exasperated look, did a facepalm, and groaned "Calvin! You can't _say_ things like that!"

Calvin squealed "What? What? Chicks dig funny guys! I'm a funny guy, aren't I Flower Girl?"

"Oh you definitely are, Calvin. I have a pretty dirty sense of humor, too. Don't sweat it." She turned to Gardner and one by one peeled his fingers from his face. He fought the smile that was beginning to emerge as his own sense of humor caught up to the situation.

They all sat around the table, eating a vegetable quiche, hash brown potatoes and sausages. Calvin was about to deep throat a sausage when Gardner caught him and gave him a stern frown and shake of the head. Fortunately, Gardner thought, Flower Girl was busy with her cup of tea and hadn't noticed.

"So, Flower Girl, tell me about you. Where are you from?" Calvin asked.

"I'm from a snooty, rich suburb just outside of Austin, not far from here. It kind of embarrasses me so I don't talk about it much."

Calvin and Gardner exchanged meaningful looks. The thought that Flower Girl had her own family background skeletons might work in Gardner's favor.

"Did you like growing up in the suburbs?" Calvin asked, deciding to see how constrained she was on the topic. Her answer revealed a level of frankness that surprised him, even as she took off on a tangent about her mental health that he hadn't expected.

"Well, not really in terms of suburbia, because that's kind of dull. I really prefer the urban atmosphere of Austin because it's so interesting and stimulating. But my hometown was less intimidating for my agoraphobia in terms of letting me get out and about because it was less crowded and more familiar." she said. "The fact of the matter is, because of my discomfort and panic attacks when I'm in crowds or in public places, I hardly ever take advantage of my new home here in the city." A flush of embarrassment crept up her neck to her cheeks.

Gardner patted her hand and said "Hey, you've been doing a great job lately. You'll get there."

Flower Girl ducked her head bashfully and smiled. She asked Calvin "So have you guys always lived here in this house and if not, where do your folks live?"

Calvin choked on his coffee. He gave a panicked look at Gardner, whose face turned an interesting shade of puce. Calvin wiped the droplets of his coffee off his face and stuttered "Uhm, w-w-well, y-y-you see, w-w-we, this is where we grew up together and our parents don't live here anymore. They decided to let us have this place as a bachelor pad." He started to regain his composure and bravado. "You know how it is, two single, good lookin' guys, we needed a place to entertain all the pretty girls who were after us..."

Gardner warned him "Calvin, that's not helping..." He stared him down with a withering glare as Cal shrank further into his tongue-tied befuddlement.

Flower Girl ping-ponged between the silent communication, or rather argument, going on between the two guys, with flummoxed bewilderment. What was she missing here? She decided to persevere and followed the thread a little further.

"So your parents now live where?"

Calvin took a deep breath and said "Well, uh, they live not too far off. We just don't really dig hanging out with them much, so we don't see them very often. I mean, we're adults now, so we value our independence."

Flower Girl turned to Gardner, who seemed to be literally holding his breath, waiting for her to be satisfied with Cal's answer and move on to a new topic. She decided that seeing him so uncomfortable was more painful than not knowing why his family background seemed to be a verboten subject, so she decided to move the conversation in a different direction.

"Oh, that's cool. So have you guys had many bachelor-type parties in this house then?" she teased.

Calvin fibbed "Oh, yeah, every weekend. Gardner and I were total swingers before you and Tracy came along and stole our hearts."

Gardner, not the least bit amused and by now on his last nerve with his wacky, annoying adopted brother, rolled his eyes and said "Again, Cal, _not_ helping! Don't you need to leave for work soon?"

Calvin rose from the table and said "Oh, yeah, that's right. I do need to scoot. I've got an epic transmission job I'm working on. Gonna take me most of the day to finish it up. I'll just skedaddle and leave you two kids alone now."

He made to leave the room under his own steam, but Gardner hooked his arm around him and waylaid him, forcing him into the next room, where Flower Girl could hear some bickering going on but couldn't really make out the words. She could hear Gardner was annoyed with him and Calvin was apologizing for something, though. Then she heard Calvin shout "Bye Flower Girl! Have a great day!" and the door slammed.

Gardner came back, his face a bit red, and walked over to the table and started clearing the dishes. He looked like he was in no mood to discuss whatever it was that was bugging him though, so Flower Girl just helped him silently and let him stew in his own juices. She knew by now that this was the best way to approach him, particularly since she was fairly sure that she had trodden on the same sensitive subject that she had tripped over the last time she had seen him in this pissy mood previously.

As they washed the dishes, Flower Girl sang a favorite tune, _Love of My Life_ by Queen. Gardner listened, enchanted by her voice, which wasn't outstanding, but wasn't half bad. She was an alto, with a strong, clear pitch and even a modicum of vibrato. As she sang, she swayed in time to the tempo and punctuated the meaning of the words with her hands. Soon, she was gesturing to Gardner dramatically, acting out the words, trying to raise a smile from him. Eventually, he couldn't help but oblige her with one.

"That was really nice, Flower. I liked both the song and the singing," he said, as he put the dish wand back in its holder.

"Thanks, Sweetie. I love Queen. They're one of my favorite bands. Freddie Mercury is such a rock god and a hero of mine."

Gardner said "I don't know them that well. Just the songs they play at sporting events."

Flower Girl said "Ohhhh, you're really missing out! They have such a diverse catalog. They even wrote a song just for me! It's called _Fat Bottomed Girls_!" She laughed to indicate she didn't mind making light of her full figure.

Gardner pulled her in close to him and slipped his hands around her butt, which was sheathed in a pair of form-fitting yoga pants. "It isn't fat. I think of it as ample." He gave it a good squeeze, to which Flower Girl responded with a squeak.

She said "Ample. Hmmm. Playing thesaurus here, a synonym for that could mean sufficient, enough, plenty, right?"

Gardner gave her another squeeze and dug his fingers into her cheeks further and said "Yep. It's just right for me. I'm feeling very content just now." He pressed in closer until he was flush with her body so she could feel his increasingly hard stiffy. "Can you feel that? That's my truth-o-meter. It doesn't lie."

She gave an astonished gasp and giggled. "Oh! Wow. Uhm, yeah, I'm willing to believe you."

Gardner said "Good." He leaned in and gave her a kiss, going right for one that included some tongue to emphasize his point.

He ended the kiss and asked seductively "Want to go see my stamp collection?"

She said "Yes, but I- I really do want to see it."

He looked at her with amusement. "Oh, you're going to see it. Believe me. Eventually."

He led her by the hand out to his boat. He let her start to climb the ladder first, as he snuck glances at her "ample" butt, until she realized what he was up to and stopped. "I know what you're up to, Mister!" she exclaimed and scrambled back down again, covering her ass with her hands. "You go first!" she insisted.

He said "Hey, you can't blame a guy for trying."

She laughed. "You used to be such a gentleman!"

He got to the top of the ladder and said "I _am_ a gentleman, Flower, but I'm still a guy. And you're a gorgeous woman. That's just biology."

She looked up at him and smiled, flattered at the compliment. She climbed up and took his hand as he helped her with the last couple of steps.

He ushered her into the boat with his hands on her shoulders, steered her inside and then took hold of her, spinning her around and sweeping her in for an all-enveloping hug. He smothered her with kisses that left her breathless and stumbling backwards. She pushed away and broke from his hold.

"Gardner, uhm, wait, wait. I thought we were going to look at your stamp collection."

He was panting and very worked up by now. "Yes, but ..." He stopped to take a closer look at her face and it dawned on him that she looked very uncomfortable. She was twisting her fingers together, her shoulders were hunched up towards her ears, and there were lines of consternation on her forehead.

Time stood still and Gardner had a sensation of clanging warning bells ringing in his ears. He took a deep breath and a step back from Flower Girl.

"Talk to me, Flower. How are you feeling? What are you thinking?" he asked.

She gave a sigh of relief, hearing those words of caution, receptivity and care. He wasn't an animal like Tab. He wasn't going to force himself on her.

"I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment, Sweetie. I came over today to see your stamp collection, and yes, maybe to get friendly, but it feels like this is all happening in the wrong order and much too fast. Like our priorities are skewed. I want to know you better before being physical becomes such a big part of our relationship. I _need_ to know you better."

Gardner nodded and took a seat on the banquette next to the table by the window, gesturing for Flower Girl to join him. He said "I understand just what you're saying, and I don't disagree. I think you're absolutely right. I was acting on instincts, of the hormonal variety, I confess. Maybe it's best that you're saving me from my own baser impulses."

Flower Girl sat down and reached for Gardner's hands. "I'm not saying there's anything base about wanting to get physical and tangled up in each other. I want that, too. But I just want to feel like I'm empowered when I'm doing it, and knowledge is power. I don't feel like I have enough of that yet. I want to know you better."

Gardner asked "So this isn't about body confidence or you not being attracted to me?"

Flower Girl gave him a sympathetic smile. "No, Sweetie, this isn't about any of that. This is about my horrible past experience with my first boyfriend and me learning a lesson from it. It's about me paying attention to the danger signals in my head and knowing that I care enough about you to do things the right way this time. I want us to go the distance, and I want to have no regrets about anything we do. I've done a lot of work in therapy to prepare for my next relationship, and now I'm just walking the talk. Please don't take it personally, if that's possible."

She gave Gardner's hands a squeeze, which he returned.

He said "I understand. I mean hey, why let all that hard work go to waste? It's like if you were a professional athlete in training and we ignored all the good advice your coach gave you. I guess I ought to be grateful, since I know pretty much zero about how to build a successful relationship. So I'll follow your lead."

She said "Please don't misunderstand me. I don't want to stop you from coming on to me or making a first move. You can do that. But I do appreciate the fact that you picked up on the vibes I was sending out and you recalibrated after you asked me how I felt. Thank you for that. Like you said, communication is key. Still, please don't make me make all the first moves just because I've flagged this issue. But yes, keep checking in with me, like you did just now. That's all I ask."

Gardner leaned forward and kissed her once on each cheek. "Okay. I'll bear that in mind."

He got up and pulled a binder from a cupboard and sat back down at the table.

"So this is most of my stamps here, in this book. Let me show them to you."

Flower Girl rubbed her hands together gleefully in anticipation and prepared to be amazed. Gardner took a moment to appreciate her reaction. No one he knew voluntarily subjected themselves to his stamp collecting obsession, aside from his post office coworkers, with whom he still maintained a club that they called the Philatelic Society of Pecan Lane. They met weekly to compare and occasionally swap stamps, plus drink beverages and gossip. It occurred to him that their next meeting was coming up soon and that he would have to decide whether to tell them about Flower Girl. So far, he hadn't mentioned her.

For forty-five minutes, Flower Girl sat enraptured as Gardner described the origins and history of his stamps, and squealed with pleasure, remarking upon their unique features and their beauty.

"Wow, some of these are so pretty! They're like miniature works of art," she observed.

Gardner said "Well they actually really are pieces of art. Lots of artists have been commissioned to create stamps throughout history, like Charles Wilson Peale and Gilbert Stuart in colonial times, and later on Frederick Remington's Western images were very popular. Eventually lots of artists' works ended up on stamps, like Cassatt, Homer, Rockwell, even Warhol."

Flower Girl said "Wow, I'm taking an American art history class and we've already studied a bunch of those folks. As a matter of fact, I have to go to the museum soon-ish and pick a painting to write a paper about. I'm really dreading it."

"Why? Don't you like art?"

"Yes, I'm really loving it, but just the idea of going to that big, crowded building freaks me out."

Gardner asked "Want me to go with you? We could make it more like a date. Would that give you the 'make it worth my while' factor that would get you over the hump?"

She gave it some thought, then said "Yeah, that definitely sounds more appealing. But are you sure you want to? You're going to have to be there for a while with me while I take notes and photos. It might be boring for you."

He said "Of course I don't mind. That's fine. I like art, even if I don't know all that much about it except for what I've picked up through collecting stamps. We can both have a good squint at it and then compare notes on it."

She beamed at him. "That would be really neat. Kind of like having an art jury or a salon."

Gardner leaned his head on his hand and looked dreamily at her. "Sounds very sophisticated and grown up."

Flower Girl said "Hey, this can also be a part of your effort to do more extracurricular stuff and become more well-rounded. Chicks dig guys who love culture." She winked at him. "I adore that you're so open to new experiences and broadening your knowledge," she observed.

"Well, I admit that I didn't use to be that way. Meeting Paige was at least good for that one thing, which was that she made me see that there's a lot more out there in the world than just my postal route." He shifted a bit uncomfortably, not wanting to dwell on a touchy subject. "So what now? What's your pleasure?"

Flower Girl had her legs tucked up under her. She slid over on the banquette closer to him, leaned in and gave him a kiss. "How about twenty questions with kisses?"

Gardner raised one eyebrow, intrigued. "That could be good. But what if you ask me something I don't want to answer?"

Flower Girl asked "What types of things don't you want to answer? I wasn't planning on asking you anything major. Just things like what's your favorite color, what type of music do you like, tell me something funny from your childhood."

Gardner said "That last part. I don't want to talk about that last part. Don't ask me stuff like that, and you have a deal."

Deciding that it wasn't worth pressing him on why his childhood was off-limits, she quickly agreed. "Okeydokey."

He asked "So where do the kisses come in?"

She said "Every time one of us answers a question, they get a kiss. Duh!" She rolled her eyes.

"Okay, go ahead and ask me your questions."

"How about if we take turns? I don't want to interrogate you, Gardner. I just want us to get to know each other." She scooted back a bit so she could face him.

He nodded in agreement. "Okay. That does sound better. I'll go first. Do you have any siblings?"

"No, I'm an only child."

She leaned forward and gave him a small kiss.

"My turn." She tapped her cheek with her forefinger and concentrated. "What do I want to know? Hmmmm...." Gardner started to fidget. She laughed. "Just kidding! Don't get nervous. Okay, tell me, what was your favorite toy when you were a little boy?"

Gardner frowned and furrowed his brows. "I thought you said you wouldn't ask me about my childhood."

Flower Girl said "Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't think that counted. I just thought you meant don't ask you any questions about your upbringing or whatever. Okay, so you don't have to answer that." She started blushing and uneasily looking around the room, trying to find somewhere to direct her eyes that wasn't on Gardner's disgruntled face.

Gardner abruptly said "Wait. I'm sorry. You're right. There's nothing wrong with that question. The answer is, my favorite toy was a transistor radio. I liked to listen to all the different stations – music, news, sports – and imagine pictures and take trips in my mind, and experience things that were better than my situation where I was."

This was an unexpectedly fulsome, not to mention charming, answer that took Flower Girl by surprise. She still felt self-conscious for having skirted too close to Gardner's boundary, though, so she decided she'd better check in with him to make sure he wasn't mad at her.

"I'm, I'm so sorry Sweetie. I didn't mean to –"

Gardner sighed and realized he had to just spell it out for her.

"Flower, you didn't do anything wrong. I just don't like talking about my childhood because I had a shitty one. Cal and I, well, we just don't speak to my parents. So that's why I don't like it when you start poking around in that area. I don't mean to get cranky, but it's a sore subject. We don't need to pretend I didn't _have_ a childhood, but let's not get too deeply into it. It's not something that I want to dwell on, any more than you want to talk about what your ex-boyfriend did to you in that movie theater."

Flower Girl recoiled at the comparison. That made it pretty clear the depths to which Garden held an antipathy for the topic of his childhood, and it now began to add up for her why his reaction had been so strong. "I appreciate your telling me that. I've had this feeling all along that there was some area you had roped off like a minefield that I kept tripping into, but I didn't understand its contours. Now I do. Or, well, really I don't necessarily understand, but I'm now on notice of its boundaries. So thank you for that. It makes things less awkward for me and now I'm less likely to upset you, which I'd never want to do."

Gardner's face softened. He said "I know you wouldn't purposely hurt me, Flower. Come here." He reached for her and she slid nearer to him, allowing him to take her in his arms and embrace her. He kissed her ear and whispered into it "Where's my kiss for answering a question?"

She looked at him and, seeing he had a smile on his face, mirrored it back to him. She leaned in and kissed him, allowing him to hold her there and turn the kiss into something more than a quick peck. Finally, he let her go and said "Okay, now I'll ask you a question."

She sat back and waited, a bit flushed from the kiss.

"Question, question, what should I ask you?" he mused. "Well I hate to be boring, but I guess I'll ask you what _your_ favorite toy was. It is a pretty clever question."

She smiled and said "Thank you. I think so. Kind of a window into your formative years. Well, I'm your typical girlie girl, and I had a bunch of Barbie dolls and lots of her gear, like the Barbie Dream House, her clothes and whatnot. I also had a dollhouse. I loved playing make believe with them. Fashion, hair and makeup were my obsessions as well. I had other, bigger dolls whose hair I would style. So yeah, I loved playing with dolls. I also loved arts and crafts and I would color in coloring books and make my own jewelry with this big bin of beads and wire that I had."

"Sounds like you had a nice variety of toys."

She nodded. "I have to admit, being an only child has its advantages. You get spoiled rotten, if your parents can afford it, plus there's grandparents as well." She moved in towards him again and stuck her lips out comically, puckered up awaiting another kiss. He gave her a big, wet, sloppy kiss, complete with smacking sounds this time. They both laughed and started to enjoy the game.

"Okay, now it's my turn to ask you a question again, Sweetie. Are you a morning person or a night owl?"

"I'm neither. I just go to bed at a sensible time and get up when I'm supposed to so I get my day started when I ought to." He sat there blinking at her as if his answer was the most obvious one in the world, and anyone who said anything different was a lunatic.

"Why are you looking at me like I just asked you do you beat your wife?" she laughed. "There's nothing wrong with liking to stay up late! I'm a total night owl, as you must have guessed by now, judging by my defensive reaction."

He gave her a mock scornful look. "Philistine!" he teased her. "What time do you usually go to bed?"

She said "Well, I _should_ go to bed by midnight, but I admit that sometimes that's hard for me to do. I have a tough time relinquishing the day. My mind gets in a whirl sometimes and I have a hard time shutting it down. Or sometimes I'm feeling anxious about things and I escape into reading fiction and I'm afraid to put the book down lest I be left alone with my thoughts. That was especially true after Tab attacked me. I used to get night terrors. But mostly I just love to stay up late because it's so quiet and peaceful at that time. The world feels emptier then. People aren't as loud, and there aren't as many people occupying the space I normally do, and I like to imagine there are just fewer people on Earth altogether. That's _my_ time."

She looked at him as he examined her, just taking in the information she was imparting to him. She realized that he was finally seeing the value in this game. Suddenly, she remembered that she had lost track of the reward system and said "Ooh, I'm sorry, I owe you a kiss!" She offered her lips to him and he accepted them sweetly.

"So where are we now?" she asked. "You asked me a question after I asked you one, but it wasn't your question, it was the question I asked you, if that makes any sense. So you can go ahead and ask me another question if you want."

Gardner laughed. "So many rules and corollaries to rules for this game! Okay, let's see. What do I want to know? How about this one? Would you rather have wealth or accomplishment in the future?"

Flower Girl tossed her head and said "That's easy – accomplishment. But not like the kind you brag about. I mean, I want to get things done in this world that matter. Like I said when I introduced myself in class – I want to be a do-gooder. I want to do good things. Like make a difference in this world."

Gardner asked "So what are your goals or what do you hope to do?"

She said "Well, I'm studying politics because I'd like to be an advocate. NOT a politician, but an advocate. I'd like to work for a non-profit organization, or a political action group of some sort. Work on an issue or cause that matters to me. Maybe something to do with women's issues, or health care, or civil rights, or voting rights, or ..."

Gardner interrupted her. "Wow, okay! You've got massive dreams and lots to choose from!"

Flower Girl asked him "Do you care about wealth?"

He said "Well, I mean, if you've never had it, sometimes you wish you'd get a taste of it, but no, it doesn't matter to me. That's not my motivation in life, though it's always been instilled in me that it's important to support yourself financially. It's not solely why I'm going to college, to get a higher paying job. I'm getting an education to better myself. I just want to do something that's meaningful and interesting. But I don't really care about accomplishment either, not in the sense of doing something really splashy or important. I always thought that delivering the mail was really important, though no civilian I ever met thought so."

Flower Girl said "I think it was important. I think the mail is vital."

He said "I also think it is. Though it's true, these days, a lot of it is junk mail, but still, people do still rely on the mail for important stuff, like Social Security checks, bank statements, birthday cards, medications, voting in elections, that kind of stuff."

"Of course! And packages! Where would we be without packages?"

Gardner smiled broadly and held out his arms to her. "Come 'ere. We're behind on the kissing portion of this game." She let him overtake her in a big bear hug and give her a warm, lingering kiss. He ran his finger over her lips, contemplating her for a moment, then she pulled away again.

"Okay, I've got a question for you, Sweetie. You are offered two ice cream cones and you can only have one – chocolate or vanilla. Which do you choose?"

Gardner said "Neither. I'm lactose intolerant."

She burst out laughing.

He smiled and said "Just joking. I'd pick vanilla. And if you tell me that that makes me a boring person, I'm going to turn into the tickle monster right now." He held out his hands clenched in the tickling position.

She put up her hands and said "No judgment! Not gonna judge. Ask me the same question!"

"Okay, Flower. Which would you choose – chocolate or vanilla ice cream?"

She said "I'd pick mint chocolate chip. And if you're gonna tell me that makes me a cheater at this game, I'll tell you that life is too short for boring flavored ice cream." She gave him a shit-eating grin and stuck out her tongue. He laughed and grabbed hold of her tongue with his fingers and sucked it into his mouth, transitioning into another kiss. This one was long and involved, with their tongues twirling and swirling as if they were eating said ice cream cones.

Finally, they broke the kiss and Gardner said "I really like this game. This was nice."

Flower Girl ran her hand through his auburn hair and smiled. "I'm so glad. Let's not make this the last time we play it. There's so much more to ask and know."

He nodded and gave her another quick kiss. He said "I should get ready to go to work. Do you want to take off, or do you want to drop me off again like last week?"

She was pleased that this week he was giving her a choice. It made her happy to know that Gardner was receptive to her requests for how to treat her. She said "Thank you for asking. I'd be happy to give you a ride."

On the ride to Gardner's work, they talked more about the movie they had seen the night before. When they pulled into the parking lot of the Good Time Bar and Arcade, Flower Girl pulled into a spot and shut off the motor. She wanted a chance to say a proper goodbye.

"Here you go, Sweetie. Don't let those kids run you ragged, and be sure you get to sleep at a reasonable time." She stifled a giggle, then stuck out her tongue when he rolled his eyes.

He leaned over to kiss her. "When will I see you next?" he asked.

She said "I'm pretty flexible, other than needing to study. You're the one working hard to keep up with a job and school and being in bed at a reasonable time." She made another funny face at him. "So you tell me what works for you."

"I'm working the later shift tomorrow, so how about if I call you in the morning and we'll decide what to do then?"

She said "That sounds good. Who knows if my mind is going to let me out of agoraphobia jail. I might just need to hang out at home. You could come over."

"That would be fine with me. I'm probably going to be tired from working such a long shift today."

"Okay, Sweetie. Sounds good." She wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'll miss you."

"Me too. Come 'ere." He buried his head in her neck and inhaled the aroma of her lilac perfume. "Mmmmm, that smell is going to keep me going for the next few hours." He pulled away to look at her. "Okay, gotta go." He kissed her deeply for a moment, then reached for the door handle and hopped out.

She took a moment to collect herself and settle her tingling body and fast-beating heart, then started up the car and waved at him as he watched her drive away. As she drove down the highway, she reflected on how the day had gone. She was glad she had taken a stand and spoken up for herself in favor of wanting to better understand who he was as a person. Even if she did decide to get more physically intimate with him, she needed for the door to his mind to be at least as accessible as the zipper on his pants. She felt that today balanced that equation a bit more.

She did feel uneasy, however, about that roadblock he had constructed on a huge chunk of his past. She decided to put it on the back burner for now, in hopes that he'd eventually share it with her of his own volition when he got more comfortable with her. After all, he knew all her deepest, darkest secrets and some of her most embarrassing stories. She felt encouraged that he had been very open in telling her about what had happened with Paige. That gave her hope that someday he'd feel comfortable talking to her about all subjects, including his unhappy childhood. She decided this was not a deal-breaker and to put it out of her mind for now. But she knew it wouldn't stay there forever -- she knew how her mind worked and that it would return to the topic perennially until it had unearthed the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment, give kudos and let a friend know that this story exists. I'd like to know who is reading this story and it's a pleasure to interact with you. Thanks for reading.


	8. Chapter 8

The ringing of her phone the next morning awoke Flower Girl from a deep slumber. She had stayed up far into the night reading a particularly trashy romance novel. She had been annoyed with the author because the story ended each chapter with a cliffhanger, and she felt compelled to rush to flip the page to begin the next one, ignoring the spinning of the clock's hands towards the dawn. She'd finally fallen into an exhausted sleep around 4 a.m.

"Mmmph... Hello?" she answered the phone.

"Flower? Are you okay?" Gardner asked.

"Yeah, hi, Sweetie," she croaked. "I'm just verrrry sleepy. I didn't get much sleep last night. I was reading. It was one of those nights."

"Oh, were you up worrying about something?"

"No, not one of those icky nights. More one of those bratty nights when I just didn't want to give up the day because I was reading a good book. That damned author was the queen of the cliffhangers and I couldn't put my book down." She cleared her throat and rubbed her fingers over her eyes to clear the sleep out of them. "Tell me how you are, Sweets. Did work go okay?"

"Oh, yeah, just fine. No drama with the kiddos at least, they were just having fun and spending ridiculous amounts of money on games and junk food."

"That sounds like heaven on a stick to me," she sighed. "I never spent any time in places like that when I was a kid. I never went anywhere. I was too afraid to leave my house. Too afraid to do normal kid things. I was pretty much a loner, except for one good friend eventually."

Gardner said "I wasn't a loner, but I was not really everyone's cup of tea – Cal was kind of my only friend. I used to spend a lot of time at places like the Good Time, playing the arcade games and hiding out from life."

Flower Girl said "Awww, that's so sweet that you were best friends with your brother."

Gardner realized his mistake and said "Oh, oh yeah, I mean, yeah, well, brother, best friend, yeah, he was everything to me. He looked out for me."

Flower Girl noticed something amiss, but didn't know what it was, so she ignored it. That was becoming a more and more frequent necessity, but she had promised Gardner she wouldn't press him on family matters, so she just moved past it.

"So Sweetie, I'm still in my PJs and I'm wiped out. I don't feel up for doing anything energetic today. Can we just hang out here today?"

Gardner said "Absolutely. In fact, you don't even have to change into clothes if you don't want to. Just go back to sleep and I'll bring you some breakfast and we'll eat when I get there. Sound good?"

Flower Girl said "Sure, I won't turn down breakfast in bed. Although it sounds like maybe you're just as interested in seeing me in my pajamas as doing me a good turn by bringing me breakfast, am I right?"

Gardner said with pretend shock "Now that thought hadn't even crossed my mind! You've been reading too many steamy romance novels, Flower! I'm just an innocent young lad bringing his lady fair some much needed sustenance."

Flower Girl said "Yeah, and I know what's for dessert – me!"

Gardner laughed but said "Only if you say so. We won't do anything either one of us isn't ready for, Flower. I won't forget what we talked about yesterday."

She said. "Okay, I like how that sounds. I can't wait to see you then. I'm going to go back to sleep for now. Just buzz me when you get here." She hung up the phone, smiled and gave a little shiver of anticipation. Then she plopped her head back on the pillow and fell back into a deep sleep.

An hour later, Gardner buzzed the intercom and Flower Girl woke up again. She stumbled towards the speaker and pressed "talk." "Who is it?" she asked and pressed "listen."

"It's me, Gardner, with breakfast."

She pressed "talk" again and said "Yay! Come on up," and buzzed him in.

She opened the door and left it ajar, then quickly ran for the bathroom to tidy up. She ran a brush through her hair and pinned it up loosely. She brushed her teeth and washed her face, took a pee and washed her hands. Gardner was just coming in as she was exiting the bathroom.

"Come on in," she said, as he was hovering at the door, not knowing whether it was okay to just walk right in. "I took your advice and went back to sleep, so I was just taking a few minutes to make myself presentable."

Gardner stared at her, looking impressed with what she had managed to accomplish in the time it had taken him to make it from the ground floor to her fourth floor apartment. "Wow, well you look great!" he said, nodding approvingly.

She blushed and said "Gee, thanks. Considering I literally just rolled out of bed, I'm very flattered." She had on another pair of floral shorty pajamas. This pair was a shorts/short-sleeved shirt combination. The shirt had a v-neck with tiny buttons down the front. She wasn't wearing a cardigan to hide herself today.

"What did you bring?" she asked.

"I hope you like sausage, egg and cheese on a plain bagel sandwiches," he said.

"Oooohhhhh!" she squealed and ran over to snatch the bag out of his hand. "I just LURVE those! You are tooooo good to me!" she enthused and kissed his face all over.

He gave a gratified smile that he had hit the jackpot with his breakfast selection.

She said "They're a little lukewarm so I'm going to heat them up in the toaster oven while I make us something to drink with it. Do you want coffee or tea?"

Gardner said "I'll have what you're having."

Flower Girl turned around from the counter, put her hands on her hips and said "Don't be low-maintenance, Sweetie. I want you to drink what you like to drink. What do you like to have with breakfast? Tell me! That's part of me getting to know you better. Consider this part of twenty questions. Question: You are offered a cup of tea and a cup of coffee with your sausage, egg and cheese sandwich. Which one do you accept?"

He laughed resignedly and said "Coffee. I'd accept the cup of coffee."

"Okay then! Coffee it is!"

She started up her tiny coffee maker and put the kettle on for a cup of tea for herself. When everything was in process, she turned around and smiled at him. They just gazed at each other for a moment, appreciating the little bit of progress they had just made in building their databank of knowledge about each other.

It suddenly occurred to Flower Girl that she hadn't greeted him properly yet, so preoccupied had she been in denuding him of his food offering. She walked over to him and gave him a hug and a kiss.

"Hey there," she said gently. "I forgot to give you a real greeting. I got so excited about breakfast. Excuse my manners. I'm a beast before I've had breakfast."

Gardner smiled and said "I'll keep that in mind for the future." He kissed her back and let his hands roam around, exploring various areas of her pajamas.

He drew back to give her a more comprehensive examination. "I like these pajamas. They're pretty."

She did her best not to be self-conscious or give in to the impulse to cover herself up. She remembered him urging her once before to accept his compliments, so she did. "Thank you," she said simply.

She heard the kettle whistling and turned to remove it from the stove. After making herself her tea, she poured Gardner his coffee, took the sandwiches out of the toaster oven, and set them on plates. She grabbed a package of strawberries from the fridge and said "Let's eat at the coffee table. You grab the drinks and I'll bring everything else over."

They settled in on the couch and munched on their breakfast, while Gardner filled her in on the various brouhahas that had taken place between the patrons the night before. Surprisingly, it had not been any of the kids who had had to be wrangled, but rather a group of rowdy, drunken adults who had been out of line. They were hogging the gaming machines and pushing the kids aside. Gardner had been forced to referee and lecture the grownups about their manners, and in the end, he solved the problem by handing out numbered prize tickets to everyone as a way of monitoring the lines so people knew whose turn was next.

"Honestly, what kind of adult tries to jump the line on a kid?" Gardner fumed. "I mean, the game just isn't that important! And what kind of parent is that person going to eventually make?"

Flower Girl shrugged. "I don't think younger adults really think of themselves like that far down the road. Not to mention the fact that when they've been drinking, they're not using their best cognitive decision-making skills in the first place anyway."

Gardner said "Well, I don't know about that. I've seen lots of drunks in my time, and it's my opinion that alcohol is truth serum. You do and say stuff when you're drunk exactly the way you want to. Stuff you wouldn't when you're sober. It's like the gloves come off and you just don't see the consequences of your actions anymore, but it's all there, lurking in your head and heart, just waiting to come out until your inhibitions are down."

She conceded "Yeah, that's another way of looking at it. You may be right. I don't have a lot of experience with drunk people, obviously. You know, Gardner, I've lived a pretty sheltered life. I don't have a lot of experience with a lot of things. I haven't done things and I haven't been places, and I guess there's just a lot of stuff I don't know. Maybe that's how I ended up in the clutches of Tab. But on the other hand, I don't like to think of myself as a victim."

"Did you ever try to break up with him?

She sighed and pounded her knees with her fists. "Of course I did! He wouldn't let me go. Or I couldn't get away. It's hard to tell. That's how they are, abusers. They wear you down.

"They do something to hurt you, and your logical brain tells you it's wrong. So at first, you try to work it out with them, try to change them, or change yourself. That's how it started with Tab. I'd complain about something and he would even pretend that he was going to change, and sometimes he would, for like a day or two, but then he'd be right back to his old ways again.

"Sometimes, though, I'd really stand up to him and call him out on his shit, but then he'd try to make it seem like it was my fault that he'd done something hurtful. He'd make it all about my failings. His favorite thing to say was that I was too sensitive, too over-analytical. I told you that thing he said about how if there was a manual for how to breathe, I'd buy it. Or sometimes he'd make it seem like I had no other options, like no one else would want to date me, or that the way he treated me was normal and I needed to just get over myself. I mean, he made me question my very sanity! So that's why I put up with him cheating on me or leaving me alone in crowded places, because if I complained, he would say I was being unreasonably sensitive."

Gardner said "So what happened when you tried to break up with him?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "The first time, he acted like his world was falling apart and that he needed me, and he begged me to stay with him. Then he threw me a crumb of kindness and made me dinner, and I took it up like it was a goddamn nugget of gold. Another time I tried to break up with him, he poured on the guilt. And because he had beaten down my self-esteem so far, I thought I was a terrible person if I left him. I thought I owed him chance after chance to redeem himself. Somehow, it was always about what I wasn't giving him, how I was failing him, about what I was doing wrong."

"Wow, Flower. Sounds like he was dragging you through the wringer nonstop."

"It was exhausting. I would ask people for advice, hear the sane things they would tell me, which mostly included breaking up with him, and then I'd ignore them or I'd try to follow through and I'd fail because Tab would twist things around on me. I wrote about all of this in my journal, where I'd get some clarity on the issues and ask myself all the right questions about how I could stay with this horrible person. But then I'd go back to him. It finally took him assaulting me to end the nightmare."

Gardner took her hand. She was breathing heavily and her face was red. "How do you feel about talking about this with me? Do you mind it?"

She said "I don't mind it. I'm sorry if it's putting a damper on our time together, but no, I don't mind it."

Gardner waved his hand and said "Pshaw! It's not a damper. We're just expanding on the twenty questions thing. Getting to know each other better. I want to know all there is to know about you."

Flower Girl gave him a piercing look and said "So do I, Gardner. I want to know everything about you, too. You realize that, right?"

He shuffled uncomfortably in his seat. "Y-y-yes, of course."

"And you're on board for that?" she asked, not breaking eye contact with him.

He said "S-s-sure, I'm on board."

"Okay, I'm glad about that. I know there's a part of your life you don't want to talk about right now, Sweetie. But I'm not going to stand for you never telling me about it. I'm just going to put that out there. So if you aren't up for it, you should probably leave me right now. If you are up for it, and I hope the hell you are, I want to eventually know you as intimately, as possible. Do you understand my meaning?"

Gardner understood her alright. He had to ask himself, though, was she blackmailing or bribing him with sex? Was she straight up saying that unless he told her the story about his parents, she wasn't going to put out? No, of course that wasn't what she was saying. Right? He thought he should ask to make sure.

He cleared his throat and said "Ahem, just so we're on the same page, can I get a clarification? You're not telling me that I have to tell you about all the things I don't want to talk about, otherwise no nooky, are you?"

She laughed and said "Well, that's putting it kind of bluntly, but if you want to boil it down to that, then maybe we shouldn't be thinking about having nooky after all." She took his hands in hers. "Gardner, Sweetie," she began, looking deeply into his eyes, "I have laid bare the most horrific thing that ever happened to me in my lifetime. Most people never have to go through such a horrible thing, and they're lucky not to have to strip themselves that bare for their lover. But I did it. Your reaction to it has been kind and nonjudgmental. But you needed to have that information so that you could understand why I freaked out on your boat yesterday, right?"

Gardner nodded. "That's true. I might have gotten my feelings hurt or taken it a little more personally if I didn't know your background on the topic of sex and relationships and boyfriends."

"Right," she said. "So whatever it is that you're keeping from me, well, there's probably something in there that I need to know so I can understand you better. And if I don't know it, then I'm going to keep on making mistakes like I have been, and you're going to keep getting cranky with me. And aside from me not wanting to be the object of your ire, I don't think I can be completely physically intimate with someone who is going to hold out on me emotionally. Making love, that's a huge commitment. Being in love is, too. So if I'm not the girl to whom you can commit all your heart and soul and past and present to, you should let me know. Because I'm not just looking for a good time, even though I have had a great time with you so far. And I hope you know that I would receive your secrets as kindly, respectfully and considerately as you have mine."

Gardner sighed and said "Okay. You win. I'll tell you."

Flower Girl dropped Gardner's hands, crossed her arms and shook her head vehemently. "NO! I do not want to win! And don't you dare put it like that. If you aren't ready to talk, we will not talk about it today. I'm forbidding you to talk about it until you are ready. I'm just telling you that what we have, it can only go so far without us being completely open and honest. You're the one who said we needed communication, openness, no secrets, no phoniness, that all of that was important to you. I'm affirming that I agree with you. Okay?"

Gardner was grinning at her. "Wow! You are fierce, whether you're protecting either your heart or mine. Thank you for letting me wait to do things on my terms, Flower. I know I need to talk to you about something that's a big issue with me. I just, I really don't feel ready to. Kind of how you felt stuck yesterday. Like you wanted to know me better? Can I explain why I'm feeling that stuckness?"

Flower Girl nodded. "Of course, please tell me."

Gardner said "Well, okay. That day Paige came over to my boat, I told her this thing about myself right away, and she just, well, she just blew right by it. I mean, she kind of reacted to it in a superficial, flippant way, but not in a way that made me feel like she really understood why it meant so much to me, and then she went off and started talking about herself again. It caused me so much pain, I can't even convey it in words."

A few tears slipped from Gardner's eyes and he wrapped his arms around himself. Flower Girl scooted over to him and gathered him in for a hug. She rocked him back and forth, running her hand through his hair.

"Shhhhh, Gardner, it's okay," she cooed, as he began to sob.

His shoulders shook violently as he finally let out some of the emotion he had been holding in. He had felt fear and self-loathing and worry about the fact that Flower Girl knew he was keeping a secret from her. But he wasn't ready to talk with her yet about the fact that his parents abandoned him, nor the terrible backstory that accompanied it. Aside from Trudie, he had never talked about it with anyone until he met Paige, and she had been so heedless of his feelings. He'd taken a chance and it had blown up in his face, and he'd paid a terrible price.

"I'm sorry, Flower, I'm sorry I'm not ready to talk about it yet. But don't take this the wrong way. I'm not saying you'd do the same thing as Paige, but I'm just still recovering from that whole thing."

He buried his head in her neck and wailed "P-p-please don't cut yourself off from me. Don't withdraw yourself or think we're not intimate just because there's this one thing I need more time to know you for before we talk about it."

Now Flower Girl stated to cry. "I'm sorry, Gardner, I didn't mean for it to sound harsh. I was just laying it out for you because I really care for you, but I needed to let you know that I need for this to be a real relationship. And I don't want there to be any confusion about what I expect and need from you. That's my own blowback because of what happened with Tab. But if this is about you needing more time to grow to trust me and to know that I won't stomp on your feelings and heart, if I need to earn that trust, then you go ahead and take that time. I'll back off."

She leaned back and looked him in the eyes. "I'll give you your space. I won't bring it up again. If you have healing you need to do, then do it and let me know if I can help you. But please don't shut me out. And don't count on keeping this secret forever. Please show me you're working towards telling me about it."

Gardner sniffled and asked "H-h-how do I show you?"

Flower Girl shrugged and said "I don't know, I guess by being open about everything else, by caring about me, by being as sweet to me as you already are, by tolerating my less lovely attributes and showing me yours, too and coming to accept it all. Do you think you can do that?" She wiped some of his tears off with a swipe of her thumb.

Gardner said "Yeah, I can do that. I want to do that." He wiped his teary face with his sleeve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment, give kudos and let a friend know that this story exists. I'd like to know who is reading this story and it's a pleasure to interact with you. Thanks for reading.


	9. Chapter 9

Flower Girl felt bad for making Gardner cry because he felt guilty for not telling her his secret. She decided she needed to lighten the mood. She gave him a mischievous smile and said "You know, they say that true intimacy isn't when you first make love, it's the first time you fart in front of each other," and she let one rip.

Gardner looked stunned, and jumped off the couch. Flower Girl started to laugh hysterically. She asked "What are you going to do first, Sweetie? Tell me your secret or fart in front of me?"

Gardner shrieked "Tell you my secret. Definitely."

She was still laughing as he backed away from her and took refuge in the kitchen. She started walking toward him and yelled "I think that sandwich had too much grease. Gave me gas. Here comes another one..."

He threw his arms out in front of him defensively and she just laughed and laughed as she got closer, until she was doubled over, wiping the tears from her eyes. "Just kidding, Sweetie. Promise." She cornered him and pressed him up against the counter and asked "Can I kiss you now?"

He took a tentative sniff of the air, detected nothing foul, and nodded. They kissed and both broke up laughing again. Then they resumed their kissing. Flower Girl noticed that he still had some tears on his face, grabbed the shoulder of her pajama top and used it to wipe them away. While she was doing that, Gardner was sticking his nose down the shirt, checking her out.

"Like what you see, Sweetie?"

"Mhmmm, very much. Can we take this somewhere more comfortable than the kitchen?" he asked.

She asked "Couch or bed?"

He said "We've tried the couch. We haven't done anything but sleep on the bed yet. How about bed?"

She gave a perky smile and nodded, taking his hand and leading him to her bedroom. The bed was still unmade. Gardner got the feeling that the bed was never made, since it looked exactly the same way it did the last time he had been there. Despite his preference for order, it looked very inviting.

Flower Girl plumped up some pillows against the headboard and said "Join me," beckoning him with open arms. Gardner slipped off his shoes and crawled towards her embrace.

"How are you feeling today?" he asked her.

"I feel fine," she said. "Lazy, happy to be with you. Glad to have you here with me. Glad we have more than a couple of hours to be together. Glad we can take our time. What about you?"

He said "Well, after having had a good cry, I feel a bit wrung out, but I feel good for the most part. Like you said, glad to be with you and also glad we have more time together today than we had yesterday. It would have been very rushed yesterday. And you're worth the wait, Flower." He looked into her eyes, kissed her gently, and mumbled "So worth the wait," and deepened the kiss until their tongues were tangled up.

Flower Girl slid down until she was lying down and Gardner rolled partly on top of her, his chest on hers, his arms to either side of her head, as they continued to kiss. She had her hands on his neck, keeping him close to her so she could thoroughly explore his mouth with her tongue.

He pulled away and began to nuzzle her neck, planting small closed mouth kisses at first, then wetter ones and finally licking her. He let his tongue dip into the small depression beneath her Adams apple and she moaned. He was massaging her clavicle bones with his thumbs, then let his tongue take their place.

Lower his tongue plunged until he reached the bottom of the v-neck of her pajama top. He said "I want to kiss what's beneath this shirt, Flower. Do you want that?"

She nodded. He tried to unbutton the buttons, but realized they were just for show. She chuckled and said "Those are decoy buttons. Gotta pull the whole thing off."

Gardner said "Gladly," and took hold of the hem and raised it as she wriggled out of it. To his delight, she wasn't wearing a bra underneath. Her creamy white freckled flesh was laid out for him like a banquet, and he began to feast. He licked the right breast while he used his hand to massage the other one.

She encouraged him by tangling her hand in his hair and moaning "Oh, yes, Gardner, that f-f-feels so good," as he began to use his lips to suction up her nipple, then took his tongue to tease it to a point. He swirled his tongue over it quickly over and over, working Flower Girl up into a state of frenzy.

"Oh my God, Gardner, that feels so good. P-p-please can we take your shirt off? I want to feel you, too." He sat up and ripped his shirt off much more confidently and with a heretofore never seen urgency, then flung it down on the ground and laid back on top of her, working over her breasts. Now she was able to run her hands over the bare skin on his back, which she did, scratching her fingernails gently back and forth, giving him pleasure as well.

He started to kiss his way down her belly. He rubbed his stubble down her skin, which made her simultaneously moan and giggle mildly. "Ohhh, that feels gooood and t-t-tickles." He laughed and said "Duly noted."

When he reached the waistband of her pajama bottoms, he paused and looked up at her. She was staring down at him, her lip caught between her teeth, her chest heaving and her breath coming in fast panting gasps.

He asked "Can I touch you down here, Flower?"

She said "Yes, my body is crying out for it. I want you to."

He smiled and gave her belly button a kiss. He settled himself between her legs and hooked his left hand around her right thigh, while he took his right forefinger and gently traced her mound through the material of her pajama shorts. He could feel the heat, the wetness, the readiness waiting for him behind the cloth, but he knew he should take his time.

He pressed the heel of his hand into her clitoris and pressed firmly. She sucked in a breath and arched her back. Now he moved it in a circle, continuing to apply pressure as Flower Girl raised her pelvis to meet his hand. He stopped moving suddenly and watched the disappointment cross her face. Now he knew she was really into this, really enjoying it, and he could proceed.

He brushed aside the shorts material at the legs to expose her crotch to the air and took a good look. She was glistening with fluids, pink from the stimulation he had already applied, and swollen with need.

"Spread your legs for me a little more, Flower," he instructed. He didn't remove her shorts. He wasn't sure whether she was ready for that yet. This was fine. He had enough access to give her plenty of pleasure.

He dipped his forefinger in the fluids dripping from her coochie, then smeared them on her clitoris. She looked shocked for a moment, but not surprised, just blown away by the stimulation. He gathered some more moisture on his forefinger and his middle finger so that they were extremely slippery, and started to rub her clitoris gently. He got the feeling that not a lot of pressure was going to be necessary this first time for him to bring her off.

He slid his fingers back and forth while he caressed her thigh, and kissed it. When his fingers dried off, he would descend back down and dip his fingers in her moisture to re-lubricate. He decided to see what would happen if he entered her. Cautiously, he warned "I'm going to try something different. Okay?" She nodded.

He slid his forefinger in her vagina and moved it inside, up in the area behind her pubic bone. Gardner hunted around for a moment and found a rough, swollen patch and curled his finger in a "come here" gesture and rubbed her G-spot. Suddenly, Flower Girl arched her hips off the bed almost violently and gasped. He smiled like he had won the lottery.

He looked up at her surprised face and said "Bingo!" and pushed her gently back down. Now he took his other hand and lubricated his fingers and used them to massage her clitoris while he used his other digit to stimulate her G-spot. Within seconds, she was shouting out her climax and writhing with ecstasy. She brought her own hand down on top of Gardner's hand and held it there more firmly, pressing on it and eking out the pleasure he was giving her.

After a few minutes, Gardner withdrew his finger and held it up to his face. He took the finger he had inserted inside her and stuck it in his mouth like a Popsicle and sucked on it. She grinned and reached for one of his other slimy fingers and pulled it towards her and touched it to her tongue. She appeared to approve of the taste because she stuck it the rest of the way in her mouth and sucked on it like Gardner was doing, then let him have his hand back.

"You liked?" Gardner asked, hoping it was a mostly rhetorical question.

She nodded her head vigorously and took a big cleansing breath, then blew it out.

"Yesssss. I liked. I frickin' lurved! You found a place inside of me I didn't even know existed."

He smiled, trying not to look cocky and ridiculously proud of himself, and failing.

She asked "How do you know about that if you and Paige only did it once?"

Gardner said "You probably will regret asking me that. I come by that information from my lesbian former post office coworker, Linda. That's called your G-spot."

Flower Girl stretched her whole body luxuriantly. "Well you tell Miz Linda that your girlfriend says thenk yew, ya hear?"

Gardner smiled at everything – the fact that he had a girlfriend, that she was accepting of his friends, that she was witty, and that she was partly naked and curling against him like a serpent in her bed.

Suddenly, Flower Girl sprang up and put her arms around Gardner's bare torso and whispered in his ear "Would you like to get a little more nekkid, too?"

He drew back to look at her, trying to see if she was still in joking mode, but she had a pretty serious look on her face. Not only that, but she was fingering the waistband of his pants, so he figured she must mean business.

"Uhm, sure. Yeah. Definitely."

"You sure about that? You don't want to take a minute to decide, or phone a friend?" she joked.

Gardner said in a husky voice "No, I'm absolutely sure."

Flower Girl smiled and lowered her eyes and hands to Gardner's belt, which she began to fumble with. She got the buckle undone and he sucked in his stomach so she could remove it from his belt loops. She popped the button on his khakis and lowered his zipper. He was wearing blue boxers.

She said "Called it! I knew you'd be a boxers man. And blue – that's totally your color."

He said "I take it you're satisfied with them then?"

She said "Oh, I don't know about that! I'd love to see you in some sexy boxer briefs, but we can work on that later."

Gardner blushed at the thought of himself in tighter, sexier underwear, but told himself that the prospect of spiffing himself up for a girlfriend was no different than hoping that Flower Girl would someday let him buy her some sexy lingerie for him to strip off her. Before he could get too caught up in this side issue, he felt a hand pulling at the waistband of his boxers and exploring the soft skin just below it.

"You don't have a tan line, Gardner," he heard her say.

"No, as you know, we redheads have to be careful of the sun. I mean, I used to have a wicked farmer's tan on my arms from walking around in short sleeves to deliver the mail, but even that's started to fade away now that I'm indoors so much."

She asked "Can I take off your pants?"

He gulped and nodded. He sat back and helped her pull them off. Now he was sitting there in his boxers and his socks.

She laughed and said "Eww – the socks definitely have to go. Very unsexy." She pulled them off one at a time. She thought Gardner looked very nervous and uncomfortable at that moment, so she decided to take a different approach.

She stood up on the floor at the edge of the bed and said "Come here, Sweetie. Scoot yourself over here." He moved and was now sitting with his feet on the floor. Then she parted his legs and placed her body between them, letting her breasts dangle in his face, while she put her arms on his shoulders.

"Don't be embarrassed, Sweetie. I'm standing here half naked just like you and you're looking handsome just sitting around in a pair of adorable blue shorts. Now what would you like to do next? We can stay like this, or we can take off your shorts if you want. I'll take mine off if you take off yours, just to keep things fair."

Gardner looked frozen. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. Flower Girl said "Okay, how about this? Let's leave our shorts on. Why don't I sit on your lap?" Gardner just nodded and she made herself at home, sidesaddle on his lap.

She kissed him gently, sweetly, hoping he would loosen up and forget his embarrassment, but if he didn't, the way things were was fine, too. They had gone far enough and it didn't matter. Suddenly, Gardner seemed to wake up, though. He used his arms to pull her whole body closer to him, so that she was pressing down harder on his lap, or more specifically, his crotch, as they kissed. She could feel his erection beneath her thighs.

They got into a complicated kiss and Flower Girl decided to try something different. She swung around and straddled Gardner's lap. She shoved her shorts aside so that she was now pressing down on his penis directly with her coochie. It was still slippery and warm from her previous exertions, and Gardner moaned as soon as she made contact. He strained to gain more friction and traction.

"Want me to touch you, Sweetie?" she asked.

Gardner nodded.

"Touch you over your clothes, or your skin?" she asked, wanting him to be very specific so that she didn't overstep her bounds.

"Skin, please," he whined.

"Okeydokey, I've got you," she reassured him. She slid her hand inside the front of his boxers and took hold of his dick. The minute she touched him, Gardner both sighed with relief and jumped with the unfamiliarity of the sensation of being touched by someone other than himself. Flower Girl made sure that she maintained kissing contact between them, in order to ground him.

He whimpered into her mouth as she delicately fingered the head of his penis with her thumb and forefinger. She slid over to the underside and rubbed it, having learned that that is a most sensitive spot.

"Does that feel good?" she asked him.

He just nodded his head and continued to kiss her.

She pressed his dick against her crotch and slid it against her over and over, working more friction into the mix. By now, she wondered whether the material from his boxers was making that uncomfortable for him and decided to check in with him.

"Sweetie, do you want to keep things as they are, or would it be more comfortable at this point to take your boxers off?"

She heard him choke out a whispered "Take 'em off," in response. She smiled and dismounted from his lap. She helped him stand up and gazed into his eyes. She wasn't sure whether she should remove them or if he would. Fortunately, by now, Gardner was a man of action and he whipped them down double-quick, stepped out of them and kicked them away.

As promised, she pulled hers off after his were gone. "Fair's fair, I did say." She smiled and bit her lip to keep from giggling. He smiled at her, a bit giddy and off his head at the fact that they were both starkers at this point.

She didn't look down at his body much. She felt like Gardner was still self-conscious, so she maintained eye contact with him. He didn't really look at her below the waist either. She pushed him back down on the edge of the bed to sit again and remounted him.

She took ahold of his penis and began to stroke it again. It was sort of a combination hand job and coochie rub. She used her fingers to rub and massage the top of the head and shaft, and she captured the rest of the shaft in her slippery, hot folds and slid up and down on him. As he progressed closer towards climax, his breathing changed, and he started to emote, which pleased her as it gave her some affirmation that what she was doing was right and was giving him what he needed.

"Oh, yeah, yeah, that feels so good, ohhhh, yeah," he moaned as she slid back and forth over his penis. "It's so hot. So hot and wet, like a sauna. It's like a cozy, warm blanket," he babbled about how her slick, steaming labia lips felt folded around him.

Finally, he clenched his fingers on her shoulders and shouted his release, jutting his hips up and almost tossing her off his lap. She let go of his penis and grabbed for his torso to hold on, feeling like a cowgirl on a bucking bronco trying not to get thrown. Eventually, he stilled and they wrapped each other in a hug and rocked back and forth.

Flower Girl reached for the nightstand and grabbed a few tissues and mopped up the mess she and Gardner had made of his groin and stomach. Then she tossed them in a trash bag she kept next to the bed. She gave him a big hug.

Gardner blew out a long breath and said "Wow."

Flower Girl chuckled and said "You can say that again. That was pretty awesome from my perspective, too."

Gardner looked up at her and asked "It was?"

She nodded "Definitely. I've never done anything like that before. Is it rude or crass to tell you that?"

Gardner said simply "No. You can say that for me as it applies to most things we have done and will get up to."

"Really? Wow. Well do you have anything really way out that you have done that would surprise me?"

Gardner smirked and said "I've had sex on the floor."

Flower Girl said "Ooooh, that is pretty kinky for a first time. I'm impressed."

"What about you?" he asked.

"Well, you already know I've given head in a movie theater," she said, adding a small laugh to let him know it didn't bother her to mention it in this context. "I've never done anything else that's remotely kinky or different or creative. This is it, baby. Tab was all about missionary position, him taking his pleasure, not giving a shit about mine, end of story."

Gardner frowned, swung Flower Girl around and sat her on his lap side saddle again so that he could cradle her. "That's awful, Flower. So basically, he just used you like a sex doll."

She nodded. "Yup."

Gardner asked shyly "If you had your choice, would you be more adventurous with sex?"

Flower Girl nodded again and said "Definitely. I want to feel good and I want to try things and I want it to be beautiful and fun and funny and interesting and exciting and loving. I want it to be spiritual, with no hang-ups."

Gardner said "Well, about that last part, it feels like we both have some hang-ups."

She said "I would rather phrase it as us having reservations and hesitations based on bad past experience, and that as a result we now have high standards and common sense."

"And a bit of nervousness and shyness on my part today, I have to admit," Gardner said.

Flower Girl gave him a sympathetic squeeze. "I know, Sweetie. How are you feeling now? You're sitting here all nakey with me now and you seem fine."

Gardner laughed. "I guess it helped me a lot when you said you were willing to be brave and get naked, too. And then it also helped me when you gave me that 'what's in it for me' incentive. I mean, you started making me feel really good, but you made me realize that I could feel even better if I took the rest of my clothes off. That's what you were doing, isn't it?"

Flower Girl nodded. "Yes. Was I that obvious?"

Gardner shrugged. "Kind of, but your patience and willingness to let me be who I am and do what I needed to do at my own pace was much appreciated." He kissed her gratefully. "Isn't it funny how yesterday I was all full speed ahead and you were hesitant, and today we switched places?"

Flower Girl tilted her head and gave it some thought. "Yeah, you know, I hadn't thought about that. I guess maybe you give me strength and courage when I need it, or maybe I'm just contrarian. But whatever the case, I was totally okay with you not taking your clothes off. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, of course. I knew that. I was just nervous about you seeing me. Seeing how I look." He glanced down at his stomach.

Flower Girl took Gardner's hand and put it on her belly. "Gardner, see this? This is what is known as a poochy stomach. Yours doesn't hold a candle to mine. Okay? I'm not going to try to convince you to see something other than what you see in yourself, but I don't see a pooch or a bulge when I see your tummy. I see an expanse of flesh I want to nibble and lick."

Gardner turned up his lips and snorted. "That's – that's amazing."

Flower Girl said "Yeah, it is. So let me have my happy vision of you. You are gorgeous in my eyes, and I'm really excited about your stomach. I haven't gotten to truly feast on it yet. I've been avoiding even looking at it because I know how sensitive you are about it. But I hope you'll let me give it some attention soon."

Gardner said "I will. You can. You have my blessing."

She raised her arms in victory and yelled out "Yeah!!!" This put her breasts almost in Gardner's face, so he took the opportunity to give one a lick and a kiss. "Mmmmm, that feels good," she purred. Her eyes started to flutter and her breathing sped up.

He guided her back onto the bed and laid her out. He ran his fingers down the length of her body, outlining it from her neck, past her breasts, down her waist, over her hips, skimming her thighs and calves, down to her toes. He took a detour back up in between her legs until he reached her center and let his fingers settle on the folds protecting her sensitive nub.

"Can I taste you here?" he asked.

She asked "You're hungry already? That was a pretty big breakfast sandwich you had."

He snorted with amusement. "Yes, but I haven't had dessert yet."

She said "I'm a terrible hostess not to have provided you with anything sweet. I know what a sweets fiend you are. Go ahead, Sweetie."

He spread her legs and nestled himself between them. He was beguiled by the reddish brown curly hair that grew naturally down there. He had been subjected to porn by both Calvin and the guys at work, and had seen what had become the fashion for waxing and shaving that had transformed grown women's vajayjays into strangely bare facsimiles of preteen coochies. Paige had had an odd sort of landing strip landscaped into her pubic hair. He found that look to be a total turnoff and had no clue why any woman would subject herself to the attendant pain and annoyance that would come with trying to achieve it.

He poked around Flower Girl's center with his long, pointy nose, nuzzling her, making her giggle. He took an experimental swipe of his tongue on her inner lips, which were thin and flappy, and slick with the moisture oozing from her opening. This made her jump and giggle again. He reached up and offered her his hand to ground and settle her. She gratefully took it and squeezed his hand in return.

He inserted his tongue gently into her vagina now, tasting her salty fluid that he had sampled previously on his finger. It was an overwhelmingly erotic and heady experience, and it drew him in further. He plunged his tongue in, then withdrew, then moved in again, essentially fucking her with his tongue.

"Ohhhh myyyyyy, that feels so goooood..." she gasped and moaned, urging him on.

He moved up to find her precious nub, which was concealed between a couple of small folds of skin. He had never been this close, or rather face-to-face with a woman's clitoris before, and once again, he was fascinated. He took a moment to admire it, then sampled it with his tongue. Once more, Flower Girl's moans encouraged him to continue.

He flattened his tongue and pressed it on her clitoris, lapping at it like a dog. Then he decided to see what would happen if he applied suction. He wrapped his tongue and lips around it and gave a hard suck to her love button. That caused a big reaction, with Flower Girl's hips shooting up off the bed. That seemed to be her "tell," her way of letting him know that he was doing something that felt particularly good. He guided her gently back down and held her hand firmly again.

He decided to apply the two really good pieces of intel he had collected during this make out session and combine them. He inserted his finger and started to stroke her G-spot, while sucking hard on her clitoris. Flower Girl began to move and twitch, and as he snuck a look up at her, he could see her head thrashing side to side. Shortly thereafter, she heaved a great breath and shudder, began to shout "Oh, oh, oh," and then she came, pretty thunderously, if Gardner was anyone to judge. Finally, after her innards had vibrated and clenched for a minute or more, the hand she had been using to clutch his went limp as she breathed out another big sigh.

"Ohhhh, Gardner. You really are magnificent. You know that?" She looked down at him, as he kissed her quivering inner thighs tenderly while he held onto her hips. He looked up at her with a crooked smile that was almost a smirk.

"You do know that!" she said, with mock annoyance. "You rascal! You're really good at it and you know it!"

Gardner shrugged his shoulders and said "Actually, I don't know it. I've never done that before. But thanks for letting me know you liked it. All positive feedback is welcome."

Flower Girl summoned him up to her with her hands in a "come here" gesture. He slid up the bed and threw himself into her arms. She gave him a welcoming hug.

"You are awesome! A natural sexual athlete!"

He laughed. "Glad to know I'm decent in at least one sport."

She observed "Well I'm guessing that most guys, if they could only be good at one sport, might choose that one." She puckered her lips up, requesting a kiss, which Gardner granted. He laid his head down and nestled it in the crook of her neck, breathing in her natural scent. She wasn't wearing her lilac perfume today because he had caught her just as she had woken up.

"Flower, that was so cool," he said. "I really liked that. It was way cooler in real life than in my fantasies."

She said "Ditto."

Gardner pulled back to look at her. "First time for you, too?"

She nodded and said "Yup. Like I said, I don't have much experience either. Let's just get this out on the table right now. The only thing I've done is been fucked in the missionary position. Tab never touched me tenderly otherwise, though he'd kinda squeeze and grab and poke at me. And he never wanted me to touch him much otherwise, other than that horrible night in the movie theater. He was not into affection, he was not into foreplay. It was actually pretty painful, because he'd never let me get, you know, ready for him."

Gardner's eyes widened with revulsion. "God, that's horrifying, Flower!"

She nodded silently, feeling no need to comment further.

Gardner stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. "You're so precious. So beautiful. To do anything other than cherish and worship you is a crime against humanity. And why? I just don't understand why he did that to you. I mean he missed out on so much."

Flower Girl chuckled sardonically and said "Tell it to the judge."

She ran a hand down Gardner's back and over his bare butt. He shivered at the touch of her caress. She said "Turnabout is fair play. Do you like that proverb?"

Gardner gulped and said "Well, yeah, that's always been one of my particular favorites."

She gave his ass a little smack and said "Let's do it. I'm feeling cocky today. Puns are more my thing than proverbs."

"Ha ha," he said as he rolled his eyes.

She pushed him off of her and had him lie back against the headboard. She grabbed a couple of pillows and propped his head up. "That's so you can see the action. No fun if you can't see what's happening on the field," she joked.

Gardner's eyes widened with surprise and then delighted anticipation, not to mention some admiration for her pluckiness and bravery. He knew she must be at least a little nervous about what she was about to do, but if she was, she wasn't showing it.

She could see how keyed up he was, so she gave him a series of gentle kisses to settle him. He smiled and sighed into them, which she took as a good sign. She continued the kisses down his body. Finally, finally, finally! she spent a few moments giving his stomach some attention with her kisses and tongue. He didn't appear to wince or draw back, another good sign.

She descended down to his groin and began to stroke him with her fingers gently, exploring every part of him and getting a good, up-close look at him. She looked up at him to catch his reaction and saw he had a look of awe on his face. She gave him a wink, then let her tongue sneak out and lick the head of his penis. Suddenly, the expression on his face morphed into one of shock and extreme pleasure. He tilted his head back and moaned.

Encouraged by his response, she let her tongue roam more freely and swipe down his length and back up again to the head. She lingered at the juncture between the two, where he seemed quite sensitive, and she applied some pressure. He shuffled and twitched at the sensation, which was helpful feedback for her. Finally, she summoned up her courage, took hold of him and put him into her mouth, carefully because she didn't know how much she could handle without choking.

She started out only tonguing the head while she worked the rest of him with her fingers, which Gardner seemed to like just fine. Gaining confidence as she went, she fed more of him into her mouth and opened her throat. Fortunately, as an avid reader of romance novels, she had the technical know-how about what to do, even if she had little experience. She found it surprisingly easy to put two and two together, however, and soon she felt like a champ, giving Gardner what she felt like was a reasonably satisfactory blowjob. Judging by the sounds he was making, he certainly seemed to be enjoying it.

Up at Gardner's end of the bed, his mind was officially blown. He had had sex with Paige, but this – this was a different feeling altogether. The warm and wet feeling of a blowjob resembled sex, but a vagina didn't move and tease and stimulate like a tongue did. Holy shit! Did she just do that? Yes, she had just moved on to licking his balls. She had one testicle totally in her mouth and she was sucking on it. Oh. My. God. The feeling was like nothing he'd ever experienced or imagined. Now his penis was back in her mouth and she was moving faster up and down on it. Gardner felt like the end was in sight and he needed to warn her.

"Flower, I'm going to blow any second. You may not want that to happen in your mouth."

She shrugged her shoulders, gave him the thumbs up signal and kept on sucking. Okay, maybe she did. He closed his eyes and let the pleasure overtake him. He was too far gone to debate the issue. He grasped the sheets on either side of him and heard a whooshing sound in his ears that apparently was a combination of his heavy breathing and his heart beating furiously, and he shouted his release. Then he was twitching and floating and buzzing.

At Flower's end of the bed, she was smugly congratulating herself on swallowing her first load of sperm without gagging or shedding a single drop. She didn't want to be the kind of dopey, prissy girl who needed to spit it out. I mean, jeez, it was all natural and nothing to be afraid of. Plus, after she got a taste of it, she realized it didn't taste that bad, particularly in comparison to her own fluids. Maybe a bit headier, definitely more bitter. She mused fancifully that it would be fabulous if it turned out to have beneficial properties, like helping your nails grow faster, or making your hair shinier.

She briefly recalled how she had refused to swallow Tab's ejaculate when he forced her to give him head in the movie theater, which had earned her his scorn and a short, sharp shove when he saw her spit it out. When it was all over, he had berated her for being a prude and a spoilsport. She banished the unpleasant, unwelcome memory from her mind and focused on the happiness and pride she felt at this moment at having completed her first legitimate, successful blowjob.

She crept up and laid herself next to Gardner, lazily tracing patterns on his whole body with her fingernails. He shuddered and shivered at her touch, still sensitive after his shattering orgasm. She carefully avoided touching his equipment, sensing that that part of him would be too tender for any attention.

"How do you feel, Sweetie?

He replied "Amazing. Like I'm floating on clouds, just drifting. How do you feel?"

"I feel ..." she hesitated for a moment and gave it some thought. "Well, it's kind of silly, but I feel triumphant. Like I just did something amazingly talented. I don't feel like I have many skills, and to be able to give someone such pleasure, well that just makes me feel so chipper."

Gardner laughed. "Good for you, then. Everybody's got to have a talent. You just needed to find it."

She smacked him playfully and said "Well I wasn't done explaining! That's not the whole reason why I feel triumphant. It's also because I feel like I chased away a ghost. Like you were talking about chasing away the ghost of Paige, I need to get rid of my Tab ghost. And I'm doing that now. I'm finally getting to do all these sexy things with a sexy man, all these things Tab made me think I wasn't entitled to have or wouldn't be any good at, or stole from me or forced on me. So that feels like a win, too."

Gardner took her in his arms and held her tight. "I understand now. You are so entitled to all of this. We both are. This is what everyone wants, and everyone should have it. We're just so lucky we have each other."

"Yes we are, Sweetie. We are blessed." She kissed his chest and allowed him to hold her and squeeze her some more. She started to feel a little insecure since Gardner hadn't commented on her technique. "So did you think I did it okay? I mean, was I talented enough for you?"

Gardner looked at her like she had asked him if the sky was blue. "Well duh! Yeah! I mean, of course. Sorry, should I have said so? I don't always know the right thing to say. But yes, uhm, yes! You were extremely talented. Not that I have anything to compare it to, but my body loved what you did. I have zero criticisms. Only praise."

Flower Girl's features un-creased into a beaming smile and she said "Oh good. I was worried there for a minute. Sorry, I'm just being insecure, but since it was my first time other than the movie theater attack, I really didn't know if what I was doing was right. I was making it up as I went along. But if you ever want me to do something, you can always ask."

Gardner blushed and said "Oh, uhm, well, jeez. I don't know about that."

Flower Girl said "Is there something you want that you've never had?"

Gardner said "Well I've never had almost everything."

"Don't evade the issue. Is there stuff you fantasize about that you want?"

Gardner said "How about if we figure that out as we go and leave it for another time? I'm not really sure and I don't want to think about it right now. It might lead us down a path neither of us is ready for anyway."

Flower Girl said "Fair enough. But if there ever is something..."

Gardner cut her off quickly "I'll let you know. Promise."

She giggled at how uncomfortable he sounded, yet he was willing to go along just to shut her up.

"Openness and communication. That's what you said!" she teased.

"Me and my big mouth," he grumbled.

They lay there together, spooning and hugging, each lost in their own haze of post-nooky bliss. Finally, Flower Girl said "I need a shower. I'm all sweaty and worked up." She looked up at Gardner and saw his forehead was beaded with sweat as well. "Do you want to have a shower as well?"

He said "Yeah, that would be great. You can go first, of course, since it's your place."

She got a mischievous look on her face, biting her lip and letting a twinkle dance in her eyes. "We could save time and water and shower together..."

Gardner blushed beet red. He moved his lips as if to say something, but they just sputtered open and closed as if he were a fish out of water gasping for oxygen.

Flower Girl took pity on him. "If that's a bridge too far, it's okay." She got up and started to walk towards her bathroom.

Gardner shook his head as if to clear his mind from a trance and yelped "Wait! I'm right behind you!"

A small but smug smile split Flower Girl's face as she continued towards the bathroom door. It occurred to her that everything with her and Gardner was a matter of push-me-pull-you. There had to be an avenue of retreat laid out for every new road taken. That made perfect sense to her, given her own propensity for panic and the need for an escape hatch to manage her anxiety.

Gardner caught up with her and slipped his hand around her waist, nuzzling the back of her neck with kisses as she adjusted the water temperature. She could feel him coming to life again behind her, poking her with his arousal.

"How's that water feel for you?" she asked.

He tested it with his hand and said "fine," and nudged her towards it. They both stepped in to the combination shower/tub and flinched at the new sensation of water spraying them. Gardner immediately closed in for another kiss. Suddenly, he was all in with this showering together lark. Breathless, Flower Girl paused to reach for her shampoo and poured some in her hands, offering them up to Gardner's head so she could wash his hair. He seemed to melt with emotion at the thought that someone wanted to nurture him in that particular way, which made Flower Girl's own emotions flare up.

After she gave his scalp a good scrubbing, he imitated her and reciprocated the gesture. Then she gave his body a thorough going over with a bar of soap. This first pass was primarily utilitarian, meant simply to cleanse him. She didn't want to push her luck too far and freak him out. When he had command of the soap, however, he made his ablutions of her body much more sensual. He swiped the soap over her nipples and massaged them to hardened peaks, and swept his hands down between her legs and over her buttocks repeatedly after they were already clean.

Moaning and trying to stay steady on her feet, Flower Girl grabbed the soap back from him. She slicked up his penis and toyed with the tip until Gardner too was a moaning, unstable mess. She ran her fist up and down the length of him, gently tugging and rubbing him as he came apart in her hands. Suddenly, he clutched at her shoulders and he was coming, huffing out gusts of breath between his moans.

After his breath had evened out again, Flower Girl said "Well the good news is this is going to be the easiest, fastest cleanup job in the world." She laughed as she reached for the soap again. Very gently, she washed Gardner clean, taking care not to apply too much pressure to his now very sensitive bits. When he was pristine again, she sweetly kissed him and he gazed at her with a look that held fondness, gratitude, incredulity, bliss, so many emotions he wasn't used to experiencing.

"Do you want me to...?" he started to ask her, gesticulating towards her nether regions.

Flower Girl shook her head. "Nope. That was just for you. It was fun and I liked it. It doesn't always have be tit for tat. Literally." She smiled wryly and Gardner gave an amused chortle.

They climbed out of the shower and grabbed towels. Huddling close together, they helped each other dry off. Gardner slipped his arms around Flower Girl and she hummed with satisfaction.

"Ohhh, this is so nice," she observed. "Another first. It's so nice to be held and cherished. That is what you're doing, isn't it? Cherishing me?"

Gardner said "Of course. Consider yourself sincerely, deeply cherished."

She smiled and said "I like that. It's what happens when you're falling for someone. Like not in love yet, but maybe on the way there?"

"I would say so," he agreed, though in his own mind he knew he was probably closer to being in love with her than she suspected.

"I feel the same way," she said, nodded her head definitively, and stuck out her lips to request a kiss, which Gardner granted.

As they got dressed, Flower Girl apologized that Gardner had to get back into the clothes he had worn over to her place. "You know, if you want, you can bring a few things over here and leave them. Just in case you ever, you know, need them."

Gardner gave some thought to what she was driving at. It occurred to him that she might also be alluding to the next step in their relationship – sleepovers.

"Uhm, okay, yeah, maybe I'll bring a few things over. Just in case, like you said."

Flower Girl smiled and carried on as if she hadn't just proposed something fairly monumental. At this point, the cat was out of the bag: they were now sexually active, she wanted to spend as much time with Gardner as she could, and she cared deeply for him. Why should she hide that? And if Gardner felt awkward sweating up the sheets (or emitting other bodily fluids) or staying overnight because he had to do the walk of shame in the same outfit he'd arrived in, she'd do whatever it took to avoid that impediment.

Flower Girl went to the kitchen and fetched Gardner a ginger ale and herself a bottle of water, then they sat down on the couch, facing each other toe to toe. They both seemed to want to debrief about everything that had happened.

Gardner asked "So how do you feel about what we did today? I mean, fooling around and all."

Flower Girl said "I feel good about it. I did it all willingly and enthusiastically. I just needed to get my bearings and know I was on solid ground with you. And for the record, I enjoyed myself thoroughly. It was farging awesome!"

Gardner smiled and blushed a bit. "I'm glad you had a good time. I did, too."

"Are you okay with everything that happened?" Flower Girl asked, her brow suddenly wrinkling with concern.

"Yes, for sure. It felt like it all happened naturally. I feel like we complement each other and we're sort of, well, like I said at the beginning of our friendship, we're cut from the same cloth."

She laughed "You mean we're both charmingly awkward and clueless?"

"Yeah, I guess you could put it that way if you had no filter and were being kind of a poopy head," Gardner said in his deadpan delivery.

Flower Girl cackled and tickled Gardner's toes with her own. "You slay me," she said. "I feel like I can be myself with you. My perfectly imperfect self."

Gardner's ears pricked up at this statement. It occurred to him that that was exactly what had drawn him to Flower Girl in the first place – her manifest imperfections. She made no pretense about them, readily confessed them to him, and thereby paradoxically turned them into assets rather than defects. Gardner felt he was riddled with his own imperfections and thus determined that the only person who would ever accept him would have to be someone with an equal amount of baggage.

"That's why I lo- uhm, cherish you so much, Flower. You're imperfect. So am I. I have more baggage than Dallas Fort Worth International Airport. It's what makes you interesting and empathetic. That's what makes you so attractive and wonderful."

"Really?" she asked incredulously. "Then you don't see me as this fixer-upper girlfriend who has to do a whole bunch of changing before I'll be a functional person or up to your standards?"

"No. I see you as a human being who is a work in progress. Same as I am. And you don't have to change for me. You don't even have to change for you, unless you want to or feel like you need to for some reason. I accept you unconditionally." Gardner had a placid, solemn look on his face. He wasn't bullshitting or blowing smoke up her ass. He was just speaking simple truth and wanted her to know it and take it to heart.

Flower Girl exhaled a large breath, like she'd had the wind knocked out of her. Shock and surprise covered her face and tears began to leak from her eyes. She threw herself at Gardner and gave him an all-enveloping hug.

"Thank you for saying that, Sweetie. That's the most generous gift I've ever been given. Acceptance, trust, admiration, but the acceptance part is the most important. For one thing, it's not easy coming into a relationship with mental health problems that are so apparent. And then there's the fact that I went through hell with you-know-who, trying to figure out how to be who he wanted me to be, or how to stay myself but make him treat me right, and it never worked either way, and I was always miserable." She started to weep harder.

Gardner let his fingers play with Flower Girl's hair and tried to soothe her. "Hey, it's okay. That's in the past now. It happened, but you survived it and you're in a safe place. You are cherished. Just remember that. You can be who you are."

Flower Girl continued to sob, her shoulders shaking violently. Gardner sought to reassure her. "Listen to me, Flower. If I ever tell you that something you did isn't right for me, then I'll try to make sure I explain why and I'll try to never leave you wondering what the problem was. I'll never play mind games with you. And I will do my best to meet you halfway on everything I possibly can. I for sure will never just lay down the law to you. But you should also know that you can always walk away from me. But I hope you'll never feel like you have to leave me. God, I hope you'll never feel that way. I'm going to try my very best to keep you by my side because you're happy to be there. That's the right way to do things."

He stroked her from the top of her head down her back, over and over, until her crying began to subside and she was merely whimpering. He shushed her and rocked her, and even started to sing to her her favorite Queen song, Love of My Life. That got her attention.

"You- you know that song? I thought you said you didn't." she sputtered, sniffling and wheezing, with tears and snot occluding her breathing.

"Yeah, well, I do now. I listened to it over and over late into last night after work. I was missing you desperately and I couldn't sleep, and it made me feel like you were in the room with me."

Her lip trembled with emotion and another tear slid down her cheek. Gardner caught this one with his lips. "Wow, I can't believe you learned that song for me," she said incredulously.

He smiled and said "That's what guys do when they're falling for someone, don't you know?"

She grinned and said "Oh. Goodness. I'm truly blessed. I'm just not used to that."

"I'd say get used to it, but maybe I prefer you in a state of constant gratitude," he joked.

She giggled and swatted his shoulder. "And how about you? Think you'll get used to having orgasms on the regular?"

Gardner's jaw dropped momentarily, then he recovered his composure. "Uhm, well, I uhm, I could definitely get used to it. But I won't take it for granted."

"Good," she said. "It would get boring if you did, anyway."

"Don't worry. I have a lot of lost time to make up for."

"Oh dear. You're going to put my through my paces, eh?"

He laughed. "No, I'll give you plenty of time to rest up. I think today was kind of just maybe an over-exuberant introductory session."

"Well dang, you mean we aren't always gonna go at it like rabbits?" she pouted jokingly.

"I don't know, Flower. Between school and working, you might wear me out."

"Wear you out! Listen Mister ..." she sassed.

"Just joking," he soothed her, squeezing her tightly and showering her with kisses.

"I had a really good time today, Sweetie," she said, laying her head on his shoulder.

"I did too, Flower. I really did," he reassured her. "I need to leave for work soon, though."

"Yeah, I know. How about if I drive you there?"

"You don't have to do that," he demurred.

"For the millionth time, I know that, Sweetie!" she said with a note of mock exasperation. "I want to take you there. It means more time together and I like doing things for you, okay?"

Gardner retrenched. "Okay. Sorry. I forgot. I'm still not used to accepting favors."

"Man, we are going to have to work on that, Sweetie. We are going to have to put you on a strict regimen of blessings, kindness and serendipity. Okay?"

"I guess I'm ready for your boot camp then," he joked and kissed her, hoping to convey his gratitude through his lips. Flower Girl seemed to get the message.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment, give kudos and let a friend know that this story exists. I'd like to know who is reading this story and it's a pleasure to interact with you. Thanks for reading.


	10. Chapter 10

Gardner worked Sunday all day and fell exhausted into bed early that night after ringing up Flower Girl to say good night, then on Monday they both had classes and studying that kept them occupied during the day. They planned to meet up for dinner.

Flower Girl came over for Calvin's famous eggplant parmesan and a game of horseshoes. Then Calvin's girlfriend Tracy came over so that she could meet Flower Girl. Tracy had tried to get Flower Girl and Gardner to come out to the bar she and Calvin had originally planned to go to, but Flower Girl didn't feel up for it. Gardner had to explain about his girlfriend's agoraphobia, and fortunately Tracy was totally sympathetic. So she joined them later at the house, after her shift at Happy Hour at Good Time was over.

"So nice to meet you, Leah!" she said as she shook Flower Girl's hand warmly.

Flower Girl smiled and greeted her shyly, not sure how she would be perceived, knowing she had been pre-billed as the girl who had put a damper on their evening's plans because she didn't like going out to crowded places.

"I'm sorry I'm being a wet blanket about going out tonight, Tracy," she said ruefully.

"Think nothing of it, I have a cousin who's got the same problem as you do," Tracy said, dismissing the matter with a wave of her hand. "We had every single one of her birthdays in her bedroom when we were kids, and the guest list was confined to me and her best friend. And hey, you're way braver than she is! I hear Gardner took you to the movies!"

"Oh did you now?" Flower Girl drawled, semi-amused and somewhat annoyed that she was the subject of gossip.

Tracy raised an eyebrow, showing her own amusement. "Hey, don't be mad. These boys talk about everything. That's just how they are. Or really, that's how Calvin is. Gardner can't pass gas without Calvin wanting to know about it and then telling me the details. He's very protective of him, particularly after what happened with that bitch Paige."

"Yeah, I've heard a little bit about her."

Tracy rolled her eyes and said "She was a real piece of work. Took Gardner's heart and stomped all over it. She wasn't worthy of him, she really wasn't. I hope to get to know you better, but from what Calvin has told me, I get the feeling that you're way more suited for him."

Flower Girl flushed with a mix of embarrassment and pleasure. "Well, I hope so. I aim to do right by him. He and I have both been through the wringer in our limited love lives, so we sure don't have any incentive to hurt each other. It's just a question of compatibility and maturity, or lack thereof probably."

"But you do care for him, right?" Tracy fixed her with a serious gaze, as if she were a gatekeeper to his heart.

"Yes, I really do care for him, deeply, even though we've only known each other for a few weeks. We started out as friends, and that's the best way to begin. I'm pretty gone for him."

Tracy was silent for a moment, appraising Gardner's new girlfriend, mulling over her response. Then she seemed to have completed some sort of mental calculation and found that the formula of her explanation added up correctly and decided to grant Flower Girl her approval.

"Okay, it's alright with me if you date him. But please don't break his heart. He's been through a lot in his life and he doesn't trust people easily. He already gotten the shit kicked out of him by Paige. Don't do him like that."

Flower Girl said "I know she hurt him. He's told me about her. But what else are you referring to? I know there's something else, but he hasn't said what. It's something to do with his past. Something to do with family. What am I missing? I feel like there's something important that I need to know, and I'm flying blind. How can I be sure I'm being careful of his heart when I don't have all the information?"

Tracy's mouth dropped open and her gaze slid over to Gardner, who was sitting on the couch next to Calvin, arguing with him about who could have command over the television remote control. "He hasn't told you about his uhm, his upbringing?"

Flower Girl shook her head. "No. He specifically told me he doesn't want to talk about it. He just said he had a shitty childhood and has a bad relationship with his parents and doesn't talk to them, and he doesn't want to get into the details. And he particularly asked me to not bring up the topic. And anytime I've inadvertently gotten close to it, he's gotten cranky with me and kind of snapped at me or bitten my head off. So I'm afraid to bring it up again."

"Wow. Okay. Uhm, well, that's unfortunate. I can see how that must feel kind of unfair to you. And uncomfortable. All I can say is that if he doesn't feel ready to talk about it, it's probably because he feels like you're someone incredibly special and unique and he's not ready to be that vulnerable to you yet. I know that sounds counterintuitive, but you should probably take it as a compliment."

Flower Girl ran her hands through her hair and tugged at it. "This is so frustrating! On the one hand, he's got this rule that we have to be completely open, with no phoniness and no hiding things, like with me and my agoraphobia. I'm supposed to let him know when I'm feeling anxious, so he can comfort me and take me away from situations that bother me. But on the other hand, he's got this big ass secret trauma from his childhood that's weighing him down that he won't share with me. Something that's obviously fundamental to his whole formation as a person, and I can't know what it is. And even you know about it, and you're not even dating him! That's really galling to me!"

"I know it must seem like that, Leah, but just give him some time to open up to you. It's not like he's talked about it with me. The only reason why I know about it is because Calvin told me about it."

"Do you think it would be okay if I talked to Calvin and asked him about what it is that's bugging Gardner?"

Tracy shook her head adamantly. "Absolutely not. If there is something that Gardner doesn't want you to know, then asking Calvin about it would be a betrayal and Gardner would see it as such. You're just going to have to wait for him to open up to you in his own time. I know you're frustrated because you want to help him and because you care for him and want to be as close to him as possible, but you can't rush things with him. If you try to, you'll lose him. Believe me, I've seen him around pushy women and I know what happens to him. He shuts down."

Flower Girl snorted with amusement. "Yeah, I've seen it too. No doubt about that! Okay, I'll take your advice. But it makes me very uncomfortable. I feel like there's a wall or a barrier between us. And I don't know what it will take for him to lower it and let me in."

"Just give it time, and keep on caring for him and being wonderful to him like you are right now."

"Okay, I'll do that. I just have to have faith that eventually he'll come to trust me. I've told him some deeply personal and shameful things about myself. He has to know that I'd never judge him, whatever it is that he's holding back."

"It's not about you judging him, most likely. It's probably just him not being able to stomach having to go through reliving the trauma when he talks about it. Everyone has to do things in their own time, Leah. I don't know how you handle being so open about your mental health stuff, but you're a seriously brave person. That seems to be in your constitutional makeup. But Gardner's not built that way. He's more fragile. And he's going to need lots of patience, time and care. Can you give him that?"

"Yes, I can. I will."

"Good. Thank you. Then I'm glad you're here and in his life."

Tracy turned to look at the guys, who by now were on the floor, wrestling each other and grappling for the TV remote. She put her fingers in her mouth and let out a high-pitched whistle.

"Oy! You guys! Cut it out! How about we play a game of drunk Monopoly or something?"

The group settled for playing a mixed game of Monopoly, with Gardner and Flower Girl teaming up stone-cold sober, and Tracy and Calvin getting drunker as the game progressed. Unsurprisingly, the teetotalers wiped the floor with them, scooping up all the best properties and bankrupting their opponents in short order. Tracy was stuck in jail while Calvin was reduced to offering to sell his socks in order to mortgage his properties, a deal Gardner rejected scornfully as he sipped his lemonade. Tracy eventually passed out while waiting to get sprung from the hoosegow and Calvin went bankrupt. Gardner and Flower Girl declared victory around midnight.

Flower Girl rose from where she had been sitting on the floor and stretched her stiff limbs, yawning languidly as Gardner heaped up their winnings with smug satisfaction. Calvin attended to figuring out whether to wake Tracy up or to just carry her into his bedroom. After Gardner had tidied up the game board and put everything back in the box, he rose and returned it to the cupboard. He looked at Flower Girl, who was watching Calvin and Tracy stagger to his bedroom and was looking uncertain about what her next move should be.

Gardner approached Flower Girl and took her hands in his. "It's late. You should probably be making a move to go home now..."

Disappointed, she said "Okay, I guess I should hit the road."

He cleared his throat awkwardly. "I wish I could have you stay over here, but my boat, as you've noticed, only has a tiny bunk that fits one. It's pretty cramped."

She dipped her head resignedly. "I understand, Sweetie. It's okay."

Gardner squeezed her hands, trying to get her attention, hoping she'd look up. There was something left unspoken in that suggestion, even as his words were saying she should leave, his eyes were saying 'I don't want to say goodbye.' When she did look up, what she saw were two eyes pleading with her to read his mind, to not make him ask for what he really wanted. He was hoping she'd remember what she'd signaled to him before about him staying over at her place.

Comprehension dawned and she said "You could come home with me if you wanted to. I've got a nice big bed. Would you like that?"

Gardner's face split into a huge grin and he said "I thought you'd never ask. Sure. I'll go grab a couple of things. Come with me."

They went to his boat and he started to grab some pajamas, a tooth brush, and a change of clothes for the next day. Flower Girl said "Why don't you pack a few extra things to leave at my place just in case you ever get caught there by surprise? Then you don't have to plan ahead all the time."

Gardner beamed at her and threw a couple more outfits in his bag. He zipped it up, hoisted it over his shoulder and smacked it for good measure. "Okay, all set!"

Flower Girl walked over to his bookcase and scanned the shelf. "I think you ought to pack a book that you like that you can keep there, so you can have quiet time if you ever want it."

Gardner's jaw slackened and his eyebrows surged towards his hairline. He was amazed that this extraordinary woman, this person who apparently was his soulmate, was so concerned for his mental well-being that she knew he might need some me time even if he was spending time at her apartment. The generosity of spirit that went into such a thoughtful suggestion staggered him and left him nearly breathless.

"Y-yeah, okay, g-g-good idea," he stuttered. He spent a few moments surveying his books and chose one of his old favorites, a comfort read that he had been meaning to revisit when he had the time. He caressed the worn cover of the paperback and tucked it in the pocket of his bag. Then he turned to Flower Girl, took her in his arms and folded her in a hug he tried to infuse with as much affection and gratitude as he felt.

"Thank you, Flower," he murmured in her ear, burying his nose in her neck and inhaling her lilac scent.

She whispered "I'm not sure what you're thanking me for, but you're welcome."

"I'm thanking you for knowing how to make me feel at home wherever I am and wherever you are."

"Oh, well, that's kind of my jam. It's really important to my survival, and I kind of get the feeling it's key to yours as well. I think that's why you and I fit together so well. Don't you?"

He nodded and nuzzled her a bit more, then claimed her lips for a full-on kiss that left them both breathless. When he pulled away, they were both a bit unsteady on their feet.

He said "Okay, I think we'd better go, or we'll never get to your place."

Making a sound that was something between a purr and a whimper, Flower Girl said "Mmmm, I agree. Let's go. As it is, I'm going to be driving cross-eyed."

When they arrived at her apartment, deciding to defuse any awkwardness, Flower Girl unceremoniously began to change into her pajamas, so Gardner followed her lead. They brushed their teeth together, giggling as they nudged each other, throwing elbows in an effort to gain position in front of the sink. Flower Girl spent extra time in the bathroom removing her makeup and performing her skincare routine.

When she returned to the bedroom, she saw Gardner perched nervously on the edge of the bed, clenching and unclenching his fingers. She slid easily onto his lap, giving him something more pleasant to do with his hands, which he wrapped around her.

"Are you okay, Sweetie?"

"Yeah, I'm, uhm, great."

"You don't look great, I must say. You look nervous."

He sighed and admitted "Yeah, I guess I am. I've just uhhh, never done anything like this."

She wrinkled her nose and smiled at him. "What, slept in a queen-sized bed?"

He laughed. "Well, yeah, that. But no, you know. Slept with a woman."

"Define 'slept with.' I mean, we're just going to literally sleep, Gardner. That's all."

He let out a breath that was something like a mixture of relief and disappointment. "Okay. Good. That's— that's good."

"You didn't think— I mean, we're not— I mean..." Flower Girl was nonplussed. She realized they needed to have The Talk. She beckoned him to slip under the covers with her. Once they were tucked in, she began.

"Gardner, Sweetie, let's talk about this whole sleeping together thing and our expectations. If that's okay with you."

"Sure. That's fine with me. I think it would be best to clarify things. I'm all about clarity and specificity, as I've said before."

She smiled, appreciating this endearing quality about him. "Okay, great. Well, I sort of alluded to my take on the subject when I told you about Tab and what he did to me. He talked me into having sex with him even though I didn't love him. I paid a terrible price for that and I learned a really important lesson from that experience, and I vowed that I'd never do that again."

Gardner nodded his recollection and comprehension.

Encouraged and emboldened, Flower Girl barreled on. "So until you have heard the words 'I love you' leave my mouth and be directed at you, there will be no going all the way. No sexual intercourse. No making love in the truest sense of the word. I just need to feel like the next person I have that experience with is someone I can give my whole heart to, whom I can trust completely, and if I'm not in love with them, then I shouldn't be making myself that vulnerable to them. Because there are consequences to having sex, not just emotional, but sometimes reproductive, even if they're sometimes unintended. And that's a whole other level of commitment. Do you see where I'm coming from?"

Gardner nodded and took up her hand, playing lightly with her fingers. "I get it. I really do. Do you think it will be just more time together that would make you fall in love with me, or is there something else that I would need to do to convince you?"

Flower Girl debated whether to tell him the truth. She was pretty much already on the road to falling in love with Gardner, but there was that huge barrier between them, that secret Gardner was guarding, and it seemed like an insurmountable obstacle. She decided to soft-peddle it rather than confront him.

"I would say that of course, time and more experiences together will bring us closer together, but I do feel that you being open and forthcoming with me has a lot to do with it."

Gardner hung his head down and dropped her hand. "I see. Well, time will tell, I guess," he said, a tone of resignation tinged with regret straining his reply.

Flower Girl took Gardner's hands back up in hers. "I'll work very hard to earn your trust, Sweetie." She smiled at him and kissed his cheek. "Good night. Sleep well." She leaned over and turned off the lamp.

As they settled down in the bed, at first they were both lying on their backs, a few inches apart from each other. Gardner was stiff and uncomfortable and Flower Girl was too, conscious of the fact that she had put him on the spot and told him something he hadn't wanted to hear. Suddenly, Flower Girl felt a hand fumbling for hers and clasping her fingers. She squeezed Gardner's hand tightly and said "I'm glad you're here, Sweetie." He said in return "Me too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment, give kudos and let a friend know that this story exists. I'd like to know who is reading this story and it's a pleasure to interact with you. Thanks for reading.


	11. Chapter 11

At some point in the middle of the night, Flower Girl woke up and needed to use the bathroom, but she found herself pinned beneath Gardner, who had thrown his whole body over hers and was resting his head on her torso. He was clinging on to her like a baby koala to its momma. She tried to carefully peel him off her without waking him, but he jolted awake nonetheless.

"Don't go!" he spluttered, hardly conscious of his surroundings or what he was saying.

"Shhhh, Gardner, I'm just going to pee really quickly. I'll be back." She stroked his forehead and smoothed his spiky hair down. He caught her hand in his and clung to it.

"Sorry. Shoot. I kind of lost track of where I was. I was dreaming, or having a nightmare really."

"Hold on, I'll be right back." She got up and used the bathroom, then came back. Settling herself back into bed, she took Gardner into her arms and let him curl his body back around hers again. She stroked his arms and back to try to soothe him back down.

"Tell me about your nightmare," she offered.

"It's always the same. I'm being abandoned. I come home to an empty house."

"That's it? No ghosts or monsters or a guy with a chainsaw chasing you down the hallway?" she joked, not realizing how scary and realistic Gardner's nightmare actually was.

"Nope. Just an empty house. That's the worst thing in the world."

"Humph. I wonder what that symbolizes. You know, dreams are all about symbolism. I took a psychology class last year." She began to prattle on about her Psychology 101 class and Carl Jung and his theory of dream symbolism.

Gardner interrupted her. "Flower, that's all very interesting, but for me, this isn't symbolic. It's a memory. It happened."

"Oh," she said, completely nonplussed. She didn't know what more to say. She had nothing comparable in her life to relate it to, no basis for offering any experience, strength or hope, no way to empathize, particularly as he had offered her no details. She wasn't even sure what he meant. "Do you want to talk about it some more?"

"No. I don't. That's enough for now. Okay?"

She leaned over and kissed his forehead. "Of course. It's fine. Thanks for sharing that with me. I appreciate it."

Gardner whispered "I really care for you, Flower. I really do."

She said "I know, Sweetie. I can tell."

He clung to her a little tighter and she thought she could hear his breathing speed up, as if maybe he was crying, but she didn't want to put him on the spot by probing it further. So she just continued to stroke his arms and back and hair. Eventually, his breathing evened out again and he seemed to calm down.

Gardner laid in bed contemplating how scary it had been to have cracked open his cupboard of horribles again and shared them with Flower Girl, even in the form of relating a nightmare. He wondered whether he would have done so had he had all his wits about him in the light of day, but since it was the middle of the night and he had been half asleep, he had let his guard down and let the words tumble out. He told her he'd been abandoned. She didn't offer much in the way of sympathy, but then again, he supplied her with zero background facts and she hadn't known what to make of what he was telling her. To her credit, she had asked if he'd give her more to go on so she could comfort him and he'd refused, so he could hardly hold her responsible for a lack of sympathy while he was still forcing her to fly blind.

Still, what did impress him was her willingness to let him dictate the terms of the conversation and to drop the subject at his insistence. She had respect for his boundaries and was willing to wait him out. But it did trouble him that she might be withholding her love – and sex – as leverage to get him to reveal this horrible truth about himself. It seemed to him it was an unbearable paradox – in order to be loved by her, he'd have to tell her that he wasn't loved by his parents.

The alarm sounded early in the morning so that they could get ready for Literature class. Neither of them was feeling terribly amorous, so they took separate showers and got ready to go. Flower Girl went first so that she could make them breakfast while Gardner took his turn. She had eggs and toast ready on plates when he emerged from the bedroom dressed for the day.

He got a goofy smile on his face as he caught sight of Flower Girl, wearing the floral apron that Calvin had worn the first time she had visited their house. He nodded at it and asked "Calvin give you that?"

She looked down at herself and said "Yeah, he said it would look more 'fetching' on me than on him. What do you think?" She struck a pose, with one hand on her hip and the other behind her head, her hip cocked out.

Gardner sauntered over to her and slipped his arms around her. He sank his lips into her neck and took nibble. "Mmmm, you look delicious. Taste yummy, too."

Giggling with gratification, she hooked her arms around him, stabilizing herself as her knees began to buckle. "I hope you'll say the same about my breakfast. Come on, let's eat before it gets cold."

They disentangled themselves from each other, grabbed their plates and headed for the couch and the coffee table. Then Flower Girl nipped back to the kitchen and asked "Coffee or tea?"

Gardner said "Coffee."

She said triumphantly "Yesssss! I guessed right. Still a coffee man." She grabbed the mug she already had poured out for him, as well as the mug of tea she had prepared for herself, and brought them to the table. She made one more trip back to the kitchen for a container of chunks of cantaloupe and then joined him on the couch.

She switched on the morning news and turned the volume down low. They ate in companionable silence for a bit and commented on current events as they scrolled by. Eventually, Flower Girl decided to ask about Gardner's nightmare.

"Did you ever get back to sleep after your nightmare woke you up?"

Gardner laughed "My nightmare didn't wake me up, you did!"

She said with faux indignation "Well jeez, I would think you'd be grateful for that! You should sing an ode to my bladder."

He snorted and said "That would be an interesting song. Yeah, I did get back to sleep. You're a comforting sleeping partner."

With a forkful of eggs part of the way to her mouth, Flower Girl paused and almost melted into the sofa cushions. "Awwww, that's so sweet! Do you have trouble sleeping often?"

Gardner nodded as he crunched his piece of toast. "Yeah. I fall asleep okay, but I have nightmares almost every night."

She gave him a pitying look. "Have you ever thought about talking to someone about it? I mean, someone professional?"

Gardner's face became a mask of impenetrable stone. "No," he said definitively. His expression made it clear that that was a complete sentence, paragraph and chapter.

"Okay. Just a thought," she said. Changing the subject, she asked "Are you excited to go to school together for the first time?"

He smiled and allowed himself to reveal the giddy enthusiasm he felt for the novelty of their situation. "Yes. This is pretty special. I kind of can't believe we're here together. That we slept together and that we're still together the next morning. That kind of blows me away."

Flower Girl said "It is kind of kicky, isn't it? I'm pretty thrilled. I'm almost tempted to show up for class late so that we walk in together in front of Eve, just to get the point across that we're really together."

Gardner said "We could do that, if you think you can handle the change in routine."

She stopped to contemplate the costs to her mental health of walking into a crowded classroom versus the benefits to maybe finally getting that pushy hussy out of their lives. "I guess there are two considerations. First, if we do it, would it make us bad people because we're hurting her feelings? And second, if not, will you let me keep my eyes closed while you lead me to my seat so I don't have to see all the people who are already in the room?"

Gardner took a moment to contemplate the first question. "Well, I don't see it as us being bad people. She's the one who's been hanging all over us, or really me, and it would be me pushing back and saying 'step off and leave me alone.' I mean she's practically sexually harassing me. Though it's typically sweet of you to even consider her feelings above ours. And as for your other question, I told you I'll gladly be your service dog Duke. You just hold my hand and I'll get you to your desk no problem."

"Okay, then let's do it." She slipped her hand in his as if to seal the deal.

After loitering in the parking lot until just before class started, Gardner and Flower Girl dashed over to the academic building where their class was held and made a flurried entrance into the classroom, just as the professor was beginning her lecture. As promised, Flower Girl was able to keep her eyes shut and held on to Gardner's hand as he led her to their seats. Everyone in class turned to look at them as they sat down and settled in. They couldn't have made a more showy entrance if they'd tried.

Gardner watched his girlfriend carefully as she took out her notebook and pens, assessing her for signs of distress. He leaned over, took her hand and whispered "Are you okay, Flower?"

She nodded and gave him what she hoped was a brave smile, but he noticed that her other hand was shaking and her cheeks were flushed. He kept hold of her hand and stroked it gently for a moment to soothe her, until she withdrew it so that she could begin taking notes on the lecture. She mouthed the words "Thank you," and blew him a kiss.

Out of the corner of his eye, Gardner could see Eve frowning. As far as he was concerned, it was "mission accomplished." When class was over, he and Flower Girl were ready to leave promptly, their bags already packed up, and Gardner repeated his Duke the service dog routine, leading his girl out of the room while she shielded her view of the chaotic scene before her. Unfortunately, Eve was hot on their heels.

When they got outside the classroom, Eve called after them. "Hey, you two! "

They reluctantly stopped and turned to face their nemesis.

"What's up, Eve?" asked Gardner reluctantly. Flower Girl was still in something of the trance she usually put herself in to endure crowds, as there were many people milling around them in the hallway, so she still had her eyes closed and was clutching Gardner's hand, not really attending to Eve's presence.

Eve observed their body language of solidarity and coupledom, curled her lip in disapproval, and said "Oh, uhm, I just thought I'd catch up with you and see if you enjoyed the Hitchcock movie we went to. You two disappeared pretty fast after it was over. Want to go get coffee?"

Gardner nudged Flower Girl to get her to engage and help extricate him from this situation. She opened her eyes and said "Sorry, Eve. I'm feeling kind of out of it. Sort of panicky. Can we have a raincheck?"

Eve rolled her eyes and said "Sure. Whatever. I guess you two are joined at the hip now, so I suppose you wouldn't like to go to coffee with me on your own, Gardner?"

Gardner frowned and said with as much authority and finality as he could muster "Yes, we're joined at the hip, or rather the hand." He held their linked hands aloft. "I'm taking care of Leah right now. She's my girlfriend, and she's in distress. That's my main priority and it always will be. But maybe another time we can all hang out."

Eve sighed and threw her hands up. "Okay. I hope you feel better, Leah." She walked up to her and gave her cheek a hard pinch with her long talons, which made Flower Girl cry out and withdraw in pain. Smirking with malevolent satisfaction, Eve walked away.

"That was not an affectionate gesture," she said, rubbing the place where Eve had pinched her. "She did that to hurt me."

Gardner said "Maybe she thought she was snapping you out of your trance of something."

"Humph. More like she was taking her hostility out on a sitting duck. She's got a cruel streak, that one. I don't want to have coffee with her, Gardner."

"I know, neither do I. I just said that to get her off our backs for now."

Flower Girl was rubbing her cheek and doing a slow burn. "I cannot believe how dirty that bitch fights!"

Gardner said "Well, I guess we did poke the bear a little bit with our showy entrance to class."

"No we didn't! We took a stand and declared ourselves. Well, from now on, she'd better look out. I'm not going to let my guard down around her anymore. And you'd best not either, Sweetie."

"I won't. I'm sorry I didn't protect you better."

"It's not your fault you didn't realize the outer limits of her jealousy and cattiness! But now that you do know, yeah, please make sure your hands are quicker than hers."

Gardner laughed. "Now I'm your guard dog as well as your service dog."

"Do you mind?" she asked, somewhat embarrassed and regretful that she was asking him to help her fight her battles.

"No, of course not. It's every guy's dream to be his lady's knight in shining armor."

She leaned into him and kissed him passionately. "Thank you. Tab never took care of me, never looked after me, probably never cared about me."

He took her head in his hands to steady her gaze and peered deep into her eyes, hoping to penetrate her soul. "I'm not Tab. I'm me. And I care for you on a molecular level."

She gave him another stunner of a kiss and said again "Thank you. You're changing my world with that care."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment, give kudos and let a friend know that this story exists. I'd like to know who is reading this story and it's a pleasure to interact with you. Thanks for reading.


	12. Chapter 12

Gardner and Flower Girl settled into a routine of casual hangouts in the day or night, study sessions and stealing whatever time they had before or after class or Gardner's work shifts at the Good Time Arcade. Gardner also insisted on doing date nights, something special that honored their relationship and allowed him to treat his girl special, like he thought she deserved. To start out with, they finished up seeing the rest of the Hitchcock Film Festival, making sure not to mention it in class so that Eve wouldn't glom onto them. He also kept his promise to take Flower Girl to dinner at a restaurant with white table cloths and candles.

There were still plenty of days when they didn't see each other, however, whether it was because of their respective busy class loads or Gardner's work schedule, or just their need for me time. They both agreed that because they were both introverts, maintaining some personal space was very important. They'd each had a life before they met each other, and they didn't want to be the kind of couple whose whole world revolved around each other, so keeping up with their outside interests was also a priority.

Thus it was that Gardner found himself attending the monthly meeting of the Philatelic Society of Pecan Lane. He and his former co-workers – and still close friends – Dale, Strawberry and Linda usually convened their meetings at a local park. They'd drink beer (well, the other three drank beer, Gardner stuck with good old H2O), and show each other their latest acquisitions for their stamp collections. Barring any recent stamp conquests, they would just shoot the shit. Frankly, shooting the shit seemed to be mostly the point of those meetings, something that used to irk Gardner, who never really had any shit to shoot and felt like life mostly passed right over his head. Now, suddenly, he had a life worth mentioning.

"So what's got you grinning like a fool, Gardner?" Linda asked, as she sipped on her sub-par beer. She had lowered the group's drinking standards because she was too cheap to buy decent hooch when it was her turn to provide the refreshments, and even though it wasn't her turn to buy beverages for this month's gathering, the liquid offerings had sunk to the lowest common denominator by silent acclimation to avoid simmering resentment over Linda's parsimony.

Gardner sat back and stretched his arms, grinning smugly and trying to look casual about his imminent disclosure. The group exchanged knowing looks, however, hip to what that self-satisfied expression denoted.

"Are you getting laid, amigo?" yipped Dale excitedly, flapping his hands manically.

"Been doin' the horizontal mambo, brother?" Strawberry grilled him, raising one eyebrow quizzically and tipping his beer towards Gardner in a salute.

"Wettin' your wick, kiddo?" Linda growled lasciviously and started to perform fellatio on her beer bottle.

Gardner gagged and protested "Come on, guys! Lay off! You know better than that! I don't kiss and tell."

"Oooooh!!!" they all catcalled, and "Git it, boy!" and "Alright!"

"Got a picture of yer pretty lady? I need some new Jill-off material," Linda requested.

Gardner frowned disapprovingly but obliged and showed them a photo of Flower Girl. She was sitting on a bench in the Japanese garden, wearing one of her many floral sundresses that had a fairly low neckline, highlighting her sumptuous décolletage.

Linda's eyes widened and her jaw dropped. "Holy rollers, Gardner, you've got a goddess on your hands! I sure hope to heaven you know what to do with her!" She passed the photo to Strawberry, whose eyes similarly popped out of their sockets as Dale clambered over to gawk at the picture.

Gardner nodded sagely. "I sure do, thanks at least in part to some of the info you've imparted to me over the years. By the way, she wanted me to say 'Tell Miz Linda that your girlfriend says thenk yew, ya hear?'"

Linda threw her head back and cackled with gratified laughter. "I'm pleased to have been of some real service to ya, kid. Well, you and the missus. Tell her if she's ever up for a threesome, I'm all in."

"Yeah, uh, me too. Except for the threesome part," said Strawberry.

"Uh, rude," said Gardner and fixed him with a stern glare. Then he let his gaze drift challengingly over to Dale, waiting for him to pile on.

Dale just chuckled. "Hey, don't look at me, Trudie's got me so tuckered out, I ain't got time or energy for no threesomes."

Gardner picked up his water bottle and started to fiddle with the label. He cleared his throat and said "So, ah, can I ask you guys for some advice?"

Linda cleared her throat in an attempt to sound more serious. "Sure, Gardner, you've assembled the brain trust, might as well take advantage of our vast reservoir of knowledge and experience."

The other two guys nodded their heads in concordance.

"Well, um, what are the steps to falling in love?"

His three friends glanced at each other as if Gardner had asked them a question as imponderable as the classic Zen riddle "What is the sound of one hand clapping?"

Strawberry said "As far as I'm concerned, there ain't no such thing as fallin' in love. There's only obligation and conflict when you go down that road. If you want to enjoy yourself, you best avoid any mention of the L-word."

Dale reached across the table and smacked Strawberry's head. "Don't tell him that! He's young and impressionable! Let him have the fantasy! Love isn't a dumpster fire for everyone. Just most people."

Linda snorted and looked superior. "Personally, I don't bother with love. I'm all about gratification. If it feels good, then it's all fine. I'm about pleasure. I don't get into feelings and emotions. They just fuck you up."

Gardner sighed and slumped down in his seat. "Great. I'm sitting here with three emotionally crippled people, trying to figure out how to approach what could be my one chance at true love."

Strawberry reprimanded him. "Well that's where you're makin' your first mistake! There is no one and only chance! There's lots of chances. I mean, look at that Paige chick you cycled through last year! If you'da thought she was your only chance, you wouldn'ta taken a chance on hookin' up with this new chick. By the way, what's her name?"

"Her name is Leah, but I call her Flower Girl, or Flower."

His three friends all looked at each other with bewilderment and bemusement.

Linda ventured to ask. "Flower? How come?"

Gardner said "Because she always wears lilac perfume and it reminds me of the flowers that grow on my old postal route. Plus, she wears clothes with flowers on them a lot."

Linda pretended to melt and said "Awww, that's so cute. You're a real romantic guy, aren't you Gardner?"

Gardner bristled a bit and said defensively "Yeah, so what if I am? What would be wrong with that? Flower seems to like it just fine!"

Linda reached across the table and chucked Gardner under the chin. "Nothin' wrong with it at all. I think it's real nice. And she's probably a real sweet girl. So you think you're in love?"

Gardner shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. I might be on the road to that destination. I know I really care about her. I know I'm looking for someone to love and that I wouldn't object to being in love with her. But there's this part of me that doesn't trust anyone enough to fall in love. It's not about her per se. It's really more about me. There's this part of me that I'm not sharing with her, and she knows it, and it's standing between us."

"What does she say about it?" Linda asked.

"She said that unless I open up to her completely, she can never fall in love with me. And she told me if she isn't in love with me, she's never going to sleep with me." Suddenly, Gardner slapped his hands over his mouth, realizing he hadn't meant to divulge such a personal bit of information.

"So the wench is holding out on you?" barked Strawberry indignantly.

Dale curled his lip in a disgusted fashion. "Typical female. There's always strings attached. My ex-old lady always wanted me to do a list of chores a mile long before I got any sexy times. Clean the gutters, drop off the recycling, rake the leaves..."

Linda piped up "Hold up guys. Don't be pigs. Not every woman thinks of sex as just an orgasm. For some women, it's a meaningful experience. I mean, I've met a few like that. I usually don't bother dating them so I don't break their hearts."

Gardner was grateful to Linda for speaking up for her gender. He retorted "My girlfriend is not a wench. She's a sensitive woman who was treated horribly by the last guy she dated. He physically and emotionally abused her, and she is entitled to make whatever decisions she wants to about how she bestows her trust and love. And that includes whether she decides to have sex or not."

"So that means you ain't even gotten to sample the goods yet?" Strawberry asked mournfully, taking another look at Flower Girl's picture and staring at her ample proportions.

Gardner snatched the picture away and snapped "I didn't say that! I just said we hadn't had sex yet! As in, we haven't gone all the way. In any case, after what happened with Paige, I'm in no rush."

Linda tried to reassure him. "Hey, listen kid. I know we're not exactly role models for you. We just want you to be happy. Sounds like you're already doing fine on your own."

"But I'm not! I'm keeping secrets about my past from her. Things about my formative years that I'm holding out on her. I'm even holding out on you guys. I haven't told you my secret either, and I've been friends with you for almost seven years."

His three co-workers looked at each other, amused at his cluelessness and deciding whether to take pity on him and spill the beans. Linda shrugged her shoulders so Strawberry sighed and stepped up. He asked "Is this about your parents runnin' out on you?"

Gardner was gobsmacked. He felt sure he could hear his jaw creak open like a rusty garden gate. "W-w-what? You know about that?" He looked around at Dale and Linda, who were nodding their heads in acknowledgment. "You, you all know about it? How?"

They all spoke in unison. "Calvin."

Gardner sighed and put his head down on the table, shielding it in his arms. "Good old Calvin. That kid can't keep his mouth shut."

Dale put his arm around Gardner. "Don't be mad at him. He thought it was important that we understand what a special kid you were when you came to work at the post office. He didn't want us riding you too hard for being such a young new employee, and he asked us to look out for you. Now that's a guy you want in your corner, right?"

Gardner looked up, gazing at his three friends. "Yeah, I suppose so. You guys did look after me, all those years. I appreciate it. I mean, you suck at giving love life advice, but you were great at being co-workers and you're good friends. And you were really good at keeping a secret."

Linda clinked her bottle with the other two guys. "The best at keeping secrets. Right guys?"

"Amen, sistah," said Strawberry.

"You know it," responded Dale.

"In that case, please keep your mouth shut about the things I've said to you today about me and Flower Girl, okay? And if you ever meet her, don't tell her my secret."

They nodded and the conversation drifted off into more typical veins of conversation, like Linda's latest one-night-stand with a lady long-haul trucker, Dale's most recent garage sale stamp discovery, and Strawberry's plans for remodeling his kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment, give kudos and let a friend know that this story exists. I'd like to know who is reading this story and it's a pleasure to interact with you. Thanks for reading.


	13. Chapter 13

November midterms were over and the Thanksgiving holiday was coming up soon. They had a week's break and Flower Girl was looking forward to the respite. Flower Girl wanted Gardner to come home with her to meet her family. They were tucked up in bed one night when she raised the topic.

"Sweetie, my mom is having everyone over for Thanksgiving at our house. All my aunts and uncles and cousins and my grandparents. Will you come home with me and meet my folks and family?"

"I don't know about that, Flower. I'm really, really not good with family situations. It's just not my thing."

"Well what the heck, Gardner? Does that mean you're _never_ going to meet my family?"

He got a hunted look on his face, uncomfortable with not having thought through the longer term repercussions of his words. Here he was, trying to convince Flower Girl to fall in love with him, which obviously someday might lead to marriage. What did he think he was going to do then? Elope? Still, he felt like his best move was to deflect and delay.

"I just don't think I'm up for it yet, Girlie. How about if you come home with me for Thanksgiving? Calvin's making a turkey and all the fixings, and Tracy will be there and some of my friends who'd love to meet you."

Flower Girl melted at the thought that there were people in Gardner's life whom he told about her, and who were looking forward to making her acquaintance.

"Oh, that's so sweet. Well since you put it that way, I guess that would be okay. Sure, I'll come. I'll just let my mom know I have somewhere important to be. I guess she won't mind. After what happened with Tab and all the misery he caused me, she'll probably be happy for me."

Gardner wrapped his arm around her and kissed her cheek. "That's good to hear. You'll be the guest of honor for sure. Just one thing you should know. There will be a girl there who has a big crush on me. Or at least she used to. I haven't seen her in a while. She's Tracy's best friend Rose. You know, the one I told you about."

"Oh, yes, I remember. The pushy one," she said with a frown and a wrinkled brow.

"I doubt you have to worry about her going mental on you like Eve did, but I don't know if she knows about you and me or how she'll react. So I'm just giving you the heads up."

"Okay, thanks for that. I'll be on my toes. Who else will be there?"

"Well, my post office co-workers will be there, and my best friend Trudie. She's dating one of my former co-workers. I think you'll really like her. She's a hoot."

"That sounds like a fun guest list, though how many people would that be?"

"Let's see. Me, Calvin, Tracy, Rose, Dale, Strawberry, Linda, Trudie, and you. So nine people total. Is that too much for you?"

"Well, it's a lot of bodies in Calvin's little house. I'm not sure how I'm going to do, I must confess."

"Maybe the weather will be good and we'll be able to have part of the party outside. And hey, if you need to take a break, you can just go hide out in my boat for as long as you need to. No judgment."

She chewed her lip, considering the proposition. "Won't people think it's weird if I just disappear?"

"I could tell them what's up if you want me to, about your agoraphobia, or if you don't want people knowing, I can just say you've been feeling kind of under the weather and you went to go lie down."

"I don't mind if you tell people. If these are the most important people in your life, then they should know who I really am, because I hope I'm going to be in your life for a long time."

Gardner pulled her onto his lap. "I like the sound of that. You being a part of my life for a long time. Maybe even forever."

She gave him a bright smile, but remained noncommittal.

Meanwhile, Gardner silently congratulated himself for not only dodging the scene at Flower Girl's family Thanksgiving celebration, but managing to get her onboard to meet all the significant people in his life. He felt like they had been growing progressively closer, and part of their bond would have to include her reacting positively to his friends. Their reaction to her didn't matter as much, though he hoped they'd like her.

Flower Girl decided to turn up early for the Thanksgiving celebration just like she did for her classes, on the theory that she would notice the crowd less if they filtered in after her. Plus, she wanted to help Calvin out with the cooking or whatever other chores he might have for her. That would help her keep her mind off of her nerves. Even though he usually was the king of his own domain in the kitchen, he took pity on her and allowed her to help.

"You can put the marshmallows on the sweet potato casserole, Leah," Calvin said magnanimously, handing her the bag of sugary nuggets.

She clapped her hands gleefully and squealed with joy. "Ooooh, Calvin, yer a peach! Even my own mother doesn't let me near the marshmallows! This is so exciting!" She reached for the bag and kissed him on the cheek.

Calvin touched his cheek, a bit stunned by her affectionate gesture. "Yeah, well uh, that's me, I'm just a great guy all around. Spread the word."

Just at that moment, Gardner came in the kitchen and asked "What's going on here? Calvin, why is my girlfriend smooching you?"

Calvin threw up his hands and said "Hey, it's not my fault! She can't resist a guy in an apron bearing sweet treats."

"Oh yeah, well just remember that I'm the one she calls Sweetie." He stepped over to said girlfriend and wrapped his arms around her as she protested "Hey, don't squash the marshmallows! You won't like the casserole without them!"

Giggling, she opened the bag and plucked out a marshmallow and offered one to Gardner. He opened his mouth for her to feed it to him. She pretended she was going to pop it in his mouth, but at the last moment, head faked him and stuck it in her mouth instead. He gave her a sad frown and she relented, choosing another morsel and sticking it in his mouth.

"Now that we've both had something sugary, Sweetie, how about a kiss?"

"How can I refuse that proposition?" He pulled her in closer to him and let his hands stray down to her bum as he zeroed in for his kiss. They let their tongues mingle and taste the sugary sweetness of each other's mouths until Calvin called a time out for interference.

"Hey, Gardner! Listen up! If you come in my kitchen and bother my sous chef again before dinner is served, I'm going to make you sit at the kids' table all alone! Now scram!"

Flower Girl's other coping mechanism for dealing with the crowd of unfamiliar guests was that she had decided to host a cocktail hour at which she planned to get drunk, or at least tipsy enough not to care that she was in a small house jammed full of people. In the spirit of Thanksgiving, she served Cosmopolitans, which featured cranberry juice, vodka, triple sec, and a touch of freshly squeezed lime juice. She dropped fresh cranberries in each cup (Calvin insisted on using plastic cups, based on the reputation this group had for clumsiness, having smashed up most of his glassware at a previous party he'd held).

By the time the first guests arrived, Tracy and Rose, Flower Girl was already comfortably numb. She hadn't apprised Gardner of her plan to get schnockered, however, so when she was introduced to Rose as Gardner's girlfriend and Rose said "Oh, so you're the one who stole Gardner's heart from me," she gave a retort that was pretty uninhibited and loose lipped which took him aback. She said "Nope, I didn't steal it, he handed it over to me of his own free will, and I gave mine to him. When did you have his heart? Did I miss something?"

Calvin, Tracy and Gardner all turned to look at Flower Girl with stunned faces, though none of them seemed angry. Mostly they were amused at this level of sass emanating from the hitherto mild-mannered girl who had visited the house previously. Rose, on the other hand, was stunned to have been called out in such a brassy manner. She didn't seem to be able to summon an adequate comeback, so Flower Girl said "Thought not. Let me get you a cocktail." She walked over to the coffee table, picked up a Cosmo and handed it to Rose. Then she fetched another one for Tracy and acted as if nothing untoward had happened, and raised her own cup to propose a toast. "Happy Thanksgiving everyone!"

As Gardner's friends arrived, Flower Girl found herself running the gauntlet of not being introduced so much as being hazed. Each of them had some sort of test she had to pass in order that she might be cleared for takeoff to date Gardner. Linda wanted to know if she had sufficient sexual know-how and asked if she needed any tips or pointers. Dale grilled her on whether she was the type of woman who was going to saddle Gardner with a bunch of responsibilities and obligations before he was ready for them, and encouraged her to let him sample the milk before he bought the cow. Strawberry just wanted to know what her taste in music, movies was and quizzed her on her knowledge of pop culture references, concerned whether she sufficiently cool enough to be Gardner's companion.

After receiving such a protracted and unnerving third degree, Flower Girl felt that additional alcoholic fortification was needed. She was helping herself to another Cosmo when Trudie waylaid her.

"Hi there, honey. I'm Trudie. I'm Gardner's best friend. How about if you fix me one of them cocktails you're having? Light on the cranberry juice, heavy on the vodka."

Flower Girl obliged and handed it over to her. Trudie took a sip, looked as if she could breathe fire, and said "Ahhhh, you make a mean stinger! Okay, you're racking up points already in my book. Let's go sit down so I can finish up hazing you and then you can enjoy the rest of the party." She took hold of Flower Girl's hand and dragged her towards the couch.

Once they had settled their bottoms comfortably, Trudie turned to Flower Girl and extracted a lorgnette from her pocket which she used to examine the girl minutely from head to toe. Flower Girl squirmed nervously as Trudie gave her the once over.

Finally, Trudie pronounced her verdict. "Hmmm, you've got a cute figure and a pretty face. Yep, no doubt about it, you're a looker. Okay, you passed that test!"

Flower Girl shuddered as she contemplated what would have been her fate if she had not passed the eyeglass test. "So you don't see it as a disadvantage that I've got curves and kind of a, shall we say, cushioned frame?"

Trudie said "No way! You look like you stepped out of an impressionist painting."

Flower Girl smiled and took a big gulp of her drink. As the alcohol surged through her veins, she started to get into the spirit of the thing and said "Okay, lay it on me. What's next?"

Trudie cackled, spilling some of her drink down her blouse. "That's what's next! Good sense of humor and willing to roll with situations that are kind of far out."

"Oh! Well, sure. I've been doing that all night. This has been like the Pecan Lane gang's rush night for me. Throwing me questions, trying to embarrass me. You're a walk in the park compared to them."

Trudie wagged her finger at her and said "Never underestimate me, little girl. I haven't even gotten started. What I really want to know is, are you going to take care of Gardner's heart? Because I already went through it once scraping it up off the ground once before, and I DO NOT want to go through that again."

Flower Girl nodded and attempted to look serious and convey sincerity. "Yes, I know. He told me about Paige. The answer is yes. I'm going to look after his heart. He has mine, and he's looking after it magnificently. I'll do nothing less for him. I adore him."

"Do you love him?"

She shifted nervously in her seat and cast her glance down to her almost empty cup. Swigging the last of her drink, she confessed "It's possible that I might be falling in love with him, but he's putting up obstacles to it that my own standards and values can't surmount."

Trudie's eyebrows formed a V and she heaved herself up off the couch. She held her hand out to Flower Girl and said "This calls for another drink, don't you think?"

Flower Girl nodded and let Trudie lead her back over to the makeshift bar. They refilled their cups and Trudie steered her out the side door into the evening air. They took up seats on a couple of lawn chairs and resumed their discussion.

Trudie asked "What kind of obstacles is he throwing at you?"

Flower girl replied "It's something to do with his past, his family, his childhood. He's got some secret that he doesn't want to tell me, and he won't talk to me about those topics. On the occasions when I've come close to addressing them, he's gotten upset at me and warned me off."

Trudie nodded, but looked perplexed. "Not sure why he's keeping it a big hairy secret, but whatever. So he won't talk to you about this one subject. How come that keeps you from loving him?"

"Because I've completely opened myself up to him. Laid out all my warts and secrets. Told him about my mental health problems, told him about how my ex-boyfriend sexually assaulted me and emotionally abused me, and shared other yucky stuff from that relationship that's embarrassing and important for him to know so that we can be compatible. I've held nothing back no matter how traumatic or upsetting. I've trusted him with my ego, my mental well-being, my heart, my soul. But he hasn't completely reciprocated. That gives me pause."

"I can see why you'd feel like that, honey. But ya see, Gardner's a very different type of person than you. He's very closed off, while you're apparently very open. I mean, you just met me and you told me you got raped. That's pretty ballsy. Gardner's known Linda, Dale and Strawberry for almost seven years and he hasn't told them about his childhood either."

"Really? So they don't know?"

"Oh, I didn't say that. They know, because Calvin told them. But they never told Gardner that they know, because Calvin told them to keep it a secret in deference to Gardner. They realize that he's got this hang-up, this barrier that he's built around that part of his life, and that he doesn't want anyone crossing it. Doesn't mean that they aren't close friends, and them knowing his secret didn't really make them better friends because they never talked about it with him. Calvin only told them so they'd look out for him and take care of him when he was younger and just getting started in that job."

Flower Girl sipped at her drink and gave this some thought. "Well, that's some interesting information. But still, Trudie, I'm supposed to be his girlfriend, his lover, his soulmate. How can I be any of that with this big secret standing between us?"

Trudie gave her a piercing look and said "Why don't you take that secret and move it behind Gardner so it doesn't get in the way? It's in his past, so it ought to be behind him, not between the two of you. Someday, when he's ready, I'm sure he'll tell you about it. But if you hold out on him, make it a condition for your love, I doubt that will ever happen."

"Do you really think so, Trudie?"

"I have no idea, honey, but I do know that Gardner is desperate for someone to love and to love him back. How he feels about his past is something he's been living with for a really long time, and it's probably what's kept him from giving his heart to anyone up until now. And putting conditions on it isn't going to make him get off the dime. It's just gonna shut him down and reinforce the reasons why he hasn't given his heart away up 'till now."

"So you're saying I need to take a leap of faith?"

"No, I'm saying you need to love Gardner for who he is. A person with some damage and hurt and some trust issues. Maybe loving him will help him heal. You've got the whole process backwards in your mind. It's not up to him to change so you can love him. It's up to you to love him so he can change."

Flower Girl let her gaze drift over to Gardner, who was chatting with his stamp collecting buddies and drinking a beer. They were laughing and joshing each other. He seemed more at ease and jolly than she had ever seen him before. Her heart swelled with a feeling she had, up until now, labeled as fondness, caring, cherishing and adoration. But in the aftermath of her discussion with Trudie, she knew that if she allowed herself to let go of her misgivings, she could love him easily and enthusiastically.

"Thanks for your advice, Trudie. I'll take all you've said into consideration."

"No problem, hon. I want to see my boy happy. Just remember, if you break his heart, I've got a penchant for explosives."

Gardner strolled over to the two of them and leaned on Flower Girl's shoulders heavily. She sensed he'd had enough to drink to make him a bit squiffy, which for all she knew could have been a single beer, since Gardner rarely drank and might have been a lightweight when it came to imbibing alcohol.

He had a broad grin on his face and said enthusiastically "Hey, it's nice to see my two favorite girls chewing the fat. Trudie, are you being nice to my girlfriend?"

She gave an angelic, innocent smile and said "Of course, my young protégé. I've just been telling her what a sweet boy you are and how irresistibly loveable you are."

Gardner's smile dimmed somewhat and he said "Well, maybe. Not yet. Gotta work on that. Gotta get brave enough to come clean."

Flower Girl interjected "No, Gardner. Trudie's put me right. You don't have to do anything. You're loveable just as you are. You don't have to do a thing."

He said "I don't?" blinking in surprise.

"No, you don't. You just keep on doing what you've been doing. Treating me well and being the caring, sweet man who you are. That's it."

"Okay. I can do that." He giggled, bent down and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

He said "'Scuse us, Trudie. We've got somewhere else we need to be." He eased Flower Girl up from her seat, put his arm around her and steered her towards the front of the house, in the direction of his boat.

She started giggling, protesting "Gardner, where are we going? The party is still going on! I'm not even panicking. I don't need to go hide out in the boat!"

Gardner said "I know, but maybe I need to go hide out in the boat. I need some privacy. There's too many people around and I haven't had a minute alone with you for hours. Is that okay?"

She nodded and let him lead her over to the boat. Gardner gestured towards the ladder. "Ladies first."

She rolled her eyes. "I know this routine. You want me to go first so you can stare at my ass."

"Damn straight!" he guffawed.

She gave a pretend frustrated sigh and climbed up the ladder. As she was clambering up, Gardner goosed her, making her jump and squeal. He laughed again. Yep, she thought, he definitely had some alcohol on board to be that uninhibited.

She hovered near the door as Gardner barreled in ahead of her. She wasn't sure what he had in mind so she waited for him to set the agenda. He took her hand and guided her to the bunk, his eyes seeking permission as he led her in that direction. She smiled, granting him her tacit agreement. He sat down and pulled her down with him.

As soon as they were seated, his lips were upon hers, kissing her, or really consuming her. He was hungry for her mouth and tongue. After a few moments, she pulled away and joked "So that's what you wanted – dessert?"

"Yes, that's what I wanted. I told you I've got a sweet tooth." Gardner eyes swept over her lustily. "You in that tight sweater with the little buttons and the flippy, flowery skirt. You look so deliciously beautiful tonight." He resumed kissing her, seducing her with his mouth and tongue, threading his fingers through her flaming red hair that outshone his own, his being more an auburn color that even looked brown in some lights. Hers looked like a copper saucepan even in this low light.

Their chests were both heaving and hearts beating wildly as they took a moment to gather their wits. "Oh, man," he groaned desperately. "I want you, Flower. I want you so bad."

Attempting to sound reasonable, she said "I want you too, Sweetie, but this doesn't seem like the most opportune moment, for a lot of reasons."

Gardner sucked on her neck, then started to unbutton her sweater and began the descent down her cleavage. She used her hand to arrest his progress and cleared her throat, but when she spoke her words came out thready and croaky. "Gardner, h-h-hold on. Please. Listen to me. I really want to give myself to you. Let you take what you want. But this isn't the time or place for it. For one thing, someone might interrupt us. For another thing, we're both kind of plastered. If you want, we can sober up a bit and tell everyone goodbye and go home to my place and do this there. Do you want to do that?"

He gave a frustrated groan and pulled away from her chest. Running a hand through his hair and then down his face, he said "Yeah, of course, you're right on both counts. I never want us to be together in anything less than perfect conditions. I don't want to cheapen it in any way."

"Thank you, Sweetie. I want it to be something special always. I mean, it can be something dirty and kinky, but that should still be special."

Gardner laughed huskily. "You are something else, you know that?"

Flower beamed. "As a matter of fact, I think I do."

She buttoned up and straightened out her clothes and smoothed her hair. Then she ran her fingers through Gardner's hair to neaten it up a bit. They rose from the bunk and Gardner pulled her into his arms for a tight hug. He ground his erection into her seeking some relief.

"That's to let you know how much you turn me on. How much I want you, always. Anytime, anyplace."

She took his hand and slipped it under her skirt to press it against her crotch. It was soaked and steaming hot. "Ditto, my Sweetie."

Gardner's eyes widened and she could hear his respiration pick up speed. He copped one more feel of one of her breasts, kissed her passionately a final time, then led her towards the door and they exited the boat. This time he climbed down first.

"I know what you're doing now, you want to see if you can get a view up my skirt as I come down the ladder, right?"

Gardner guffawed and said "You see right through me, as usual."

When they returned to the house, dessert was being served. They helped themselves to apple pie, pumpkin pie, and sugar cookies in the shape of turkeys. Gardner steered Flower Girl clear of Trudie's plate of chocolate brownies that Strawberry offered her.

"Don't eat those. They've got pot in them," he whispered to her.

She snatched her hand back in revulsion, then thanked him for warning her. "Jeez, that is SO not my scene. Particularly with all the meds I take for my agoraphobia and panic."

Gardner said "I'm really glad we're on the same page regarding drugs. Paige is a toker. Made me nervous."

"Yeah, I don't like it for myself, and I'm not that comfortable around it either. Your friends can do it. I try to live and let live. But I'd never date a guy who smoked anything or did hard drugs."

Gardner nodded. "Same here."

They switched to drinking tea with their dessert, and by the time they had finished eating, they were both feeling sober enough to say their goodnights and climb into Flower Girl's car and head home.

Flower Girl said farewell to each person she had met, including Rose, which Gardner felt was extremely magnanimous of her. Rose seemed to have grown remorseful for her rude behavior at the beginning of the evening and said "You take care of Gardner's heart now, ya hear? He's a special boy." Flower Girl took Rose's hand in hers, squeezed it and said "I promise I will."

She asked Trudie if she could come visit her at her house, having heard that she was an avid gardener and had a fleet of rocket launchers, both of which intrigued her. Trudie said she was welcome to pay a call anytime, with or without Gardner.

Linda invited her to attend the next meeting of the Philatelic Society meeting, but she demurred, saying that was Gardner's me time, which caused Linda to give her a respectful nod. "I guess we'll just have to go out drinking together then!" to which Flower Girl agreed.

Dale and Strawberry said they wanted to take Flower Girl clubbing with them, and she said that would be delightful, providing of course that they invited Gardner along, which they grudgingly agreed to.

When she stopped finally to say goodbye and thank you to Calvin and Tracy, she received big hugs from both of them, and an invitation to go on a double date as soon as possible. She said she thought this sounded like a fun idea, provided it was at a place that wasn't too crowded and noisy. Tracy apologized for her friend Rose's rudeness and Flower Girl explained that they seemed to have come to an understanding or at least a détente over the situation. She thanked Calvin for his hospitality, and then Gardner and she were finally free to leave.

When they got home to Flower Girl's place, Gardner was all over her as soon as they were inside, picking up where they left off in his boat. He didn't even seem to be all that interested in making it to the bedroom before he started getting her naked. He was unbuttoning her sweater and stripping it off her shoulders the minute she closed the front door.

He took a moment to admire her voluptuous figure before he began covering her in small kisses. She was panting and reeling with the headiness of the moment, but with great determination and self-control she stopped him and commanded his attention.

"Sweetie, stop for a moment, I have important something I want to say."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment, give kudos and let a friend know that this story exists. I'd like to know who is reading this story and it's a pleasure to interact with you. Thanks for reading.


	14. Chapter 14

Gardner was in hyperdrive mode with his kisses, and Flower Girl needed to repeat herself to get his attention. "Sweetie, _Gardner_ , hold on. Can we talk for a minute? I have something I want to say."

Now aware that his name was being called and his attention was required somewhere other than his girlfriend's neck and cleavage, Gardner caught his breath and cleared his throat. "Uhm, sorry about that. I got kind of carried away. Sure, let's talk. I'm always up for that. What do you want to talk about?"

"Let's go sit down," she said, and she led him over to the couch.

Suddenly, as his libidinous fog cleared, Gardner got a cold chill up his spine, dreading that what he was about to hear was bad news. He was used to being let down, and why should this occasion be any different? His emotions went from their zenith to their nadir in a flash, and his stomach began to churn. He nervously worked his fingers together, rubbing his knuckles and wringing his hands.

"What do you want to say to me, Flower?" he ventured bravely, wanting to just get it over with so he could go home and drown his sorrows in whatever beer he hoped remained from the party.

Flower Girl looked at his writhing hands, picked up on his distress and reached for them. Gardner's gaze was downcast, so she took his hands and squeezed them to gain his attention. "Sweetie, please look at me."

Gardner refused. "No. You're going to say something I don't want to hear and I don't want to see your face when you say it."

Surprised by her boyfriend's pessimism, Flower Girl gasped. "That's not the least bit true! Quite the opposite. Now please look at me, Gardner. You will be kicking yourself for the rest of your life if you don't look me in the eye when I say what I'm about to say."

Reluctantly, Gardner raised his head and peered up at her. He winced with the effort and hunched his shoulders up towards his ears. The tension in his body radiated through his hands. Flower Girl attempted to soothe him by petting and squeezing them.

"Sweetie, I've given everything a lot of thought, and searched my heart and soul. I've even talked to your friends to make sure I really understand who you are and whether I'm the right person for you and vice versa. And I've come to the conclusion that we're meant for each other, and that I love you."

It was as if a jolt of electricity passed between them. Gardner twitched violently in his seat and nearly yanked his hands out of hers, then thought better of it and squeezed her hands as hard as he could.

"What? You really mean that? I thought you were going to dump me."

"No, Sweetie. I care for you, I cherish you, I adore you, and I want you in my life for as long as you want to be in it. You make me the happiest I've ever been, and I find myself wanting to do the same for you."

Gardner's shock was complete and profound. Not only had he never heard these words uttered by any human being to him other than Calvin – not even his parents – but he thought that he and Flower Girl were miles apart on the matter. He knew he was still holding her off and protecting his heart on that one great trauma of his life, even though she had shared everything with him. And she had told him she wasn't going to make herself this vulnerable until he opened up to her. So what had changed? Was this a setup? He had to know.

"I don't understand. You said that you couldn't love me if I didn't tell you all my secrets and be completely open to you. Why did you change your mind? Is this a test or something?"

She shook her head. "No, it's not a test. It's me changing my mind and admitting I didn't have the right approach to how to love you. I spoke with Tracy and Trudie about it, and they both told me that I needed to accept you the way you are, which is that you have a level of emotional damage from your past that is even greater than my own, that has you still guarding your secrets, and that I should be able to love you unconditionally with all your baggage, which includes your secrets. It made me realize that the thing you need most in this world is love and that maybe once you have it, you might someday feel safe enough to talk about your trauma.

"Trudie helped me understand that it's putting the cart before the horse to expect you to trust me with your secrets first, and it's not productive of me to hold back my feelings in anticipation of that day. It's my love that might help you get to that point. And if you never get there, then that's okay, too. Love is what it is and it lives within me — I can't deny it or hold it back because I'm afraid of an inequity that isn't your fault. I can't deny my feelings anymore. I feel like I'm taking a big risk, and I hope you'll treat my love with respect, but that's the only condition I place on it. Nothing else is required."

Gardner exhaled a big breath. "Wow. I must say I'm relieved. And grateful. And glad." He kissed her hands after each expression of his feelings.

She grinned. "Good. Now should we pick up where we left off, before I so abruptly interrupted you?" She started to lean in for a kiss.

Gardner shook his head and forestalled her with a stiff arm, which she received with bewilderment and surprise. "No, wait. I want to say something, too. I think I was already in love with you the first night I visited this apartment and asked you to be my girlfriend. I realized it when you asked me how long I thought it takes a person to fall in love and wanted to know how I felt about you. I didn't want to scare you off, and I wanted to make sure I truly knew my own mind and understood who you really are. But nothing's changed about how I feel about you except all my feelings have grown stronger. I said to you that night that you are the one for me, and I still believe that. I said that I want to care for you every day of our lives, and I still live each day with that in mind. So let me say it now. I love you, Flower."

"Wow, you have a good poker face, Sweetie. I didn't notice all that going on below the surface."

"There's a proverb for that. Still waters run deep."

Flower Girl giggled and opened up her arms to ask for a hug, which Gardner granted. He resumed kissing her, but more gently and tenderly. "I love you," he whispered in her ear. "I can't believe I finally get to say that to you."

She pulled away so she could look him in the eye. "Me, too. I'm flying and soaring on wings of happiness."

Gardner rose from the couch and offered her his hand. She took it and he led her to the bedroom.

They resumed kissing, in between which they undressed each other, flinging pieces of clothing carelessly and joyfully around the room. Flower Girl laid down on the bed, a look of anticipation in her face. Gardner interpreted it clearly as a sign that she was expecting and was ready to make love, but he wanted to verbally check in with her.

He said "Flower, will you make love with me?"

She nodded, biting her lip a bit anxiously.

Gardner said "I don't want to rush you. If you're not ready, just tell me. I want to hear you say that you're ready for it, that you want it as much as I do."

She said "I do want it, Sweetie. My body, heart and soul want it very much. My mind is kind of dwelling on bad past experiences and is a little afraid of what it will be like. But yes, I want us to make love. Very much."

"We're your present, not your past, Flower. It's not going to be like before. I'll do whatever I can to make it better for you. I want you to feel like it's something we're doing together, not something I'm doing to you. So your voice and your needs and wants are important to me."

She ran her hand through his messy auburn hair and let her palm roam over his cheek. "Thank you for saying that, Sweetie. That puts me more at ease. We've been talking about trust, and here I am pulling up at the first post and refusing to jump."

"No you're not. It's not the first post. We've done lots of physical things together and you've been very trusting, even brave about them. Sometimes you've been leading the way for me in that regard. This is about you and how your ex-boyfriend mistreated you in a specific way, and I understand why you're having flashbacks and some hesitation."

He pulled her in for a long kiss that left her breathless. He murmured. "I promise you, this is going to be completely different."

She wondered what he meant, but decided to just go with it and let it go. She laid back and allowed herself to bask in his worship of her body. He was suckling her breasts, first one and then the other, using his fingers on the neglected one, which was bringing her to a heightened state of bliss. He rubbed his stubble over their surface, causing her to purr her approval and squirm with delight.

He caressed her belly and hips, on his way down to her center. He wanted to see if she was ready to receive him. Finding her extremely well lubricated and rubbing her thighs together in anticipation, he reached down on the floor and grabbed his pants to retrieve his wallet. He removed the condom he had tucked inside it and showed it to her.

"Are you ready for me to use this?"

She said "Yes, if you want to. You don't have to. I'm on the pill and I went and got myself tested seven ways to Sunday after I broke up with Tab to make sure he didn't give me any diseases. As long as you say you're clean, I trust you."

Gardner gave a bashful smile. "Yeah, uhm, I didn't think I had time to pick up any STDs from Paige, but Calvin said I ought to get tested all the same, so, I know I'm clean. I'm okay with not using it. I think it will be nicer without it."

Her lips quirked up at the corners. "I'm very impressed with you for having it, though."

"Hey, it's been the most exciting thing in my life to have that thing in my pocket, wondering when or if I'd get to use it. If only for that reason, I thank you."

He dropped the foil condom package on the floor with a smile.

"So Flower, here's how I want to make this different for you. You said before that that jerk always drilled you with the missionary position. Let's not do that. What do you say?"

Flower Girl's eyebrows shot up and she looked surprised, intrigued and a bit mystified. "Okay, I'll go along with that. What should we do instead?"

"Well, you're the one who reads a lot of romance novels. What would you like to do?"

She tittered with amusement. "That's true, but you're putting me on the spot. I'm not ready for this. Besides, you said you were going to take the lead and make this different for me. Why don't you tell me what you already have in mind?"

Gardner said in a husky voice full of lust and as much bravado as he could muster. "How about if you're the one on top? You can drill me, I mean, ride me, you know. Linda told me it feels really good for a woman that way, better than missionary."

Now Flower Girl was _really_ intrigued. "Really? Well color me curious and willing then."

She shuffled over and changed positions with Gardner, so that he was lying down and she was hovering over him. Now it was her turn to cover him with kisses from head to toe. She took a moment to attend to his equipment with her tongue, but didn't spend too much time there for fear of setting off his rocket prematurely.

She crawled over him and centered his penis under her coochie and rubbed them together as she had in the past, enjoying the friction for a moment. Then she grasped him and began to gently feed his length into her a little at a time, gasping at the sensation. From this angle, he felt bigger than he was (which was pretty big to start with). Her breath stuttered and Gardner reached for her thigh to steady her, which made her smile and feel more confident. Eventually, he was completely seated inside her.

She leaned over and pressed her whole body against him. As soon as she shifted her weight, she could feel his penis stimulating that spot inside her that Gardner had found before, her G-spot. She reached down and spread open her folds, so that the friction of his skin and body hair against her clitoris was direct. As she began to move, she started experiencing an exquisite feeling that caused her breath to hitch and she heard herself moan involuntarily.

Gardner moved his hips and pelvis in time with the rhythm that she had set and watched in wonder as Flower Girl chased her bliss. Within just a few minutes, she was crying out and narrating her orgasm for him.

"Oh my God, Gardner, I can't, I can't believe it, oh God. It feels so goooood. I've never – I never thought I'd have this. Ohhhhhh..." She was panting, and crooning out nonsensical babble, but mostly "Ohhhh, ohhhh." Finally, she raised her head from his chest and was able to look him in the eye. He was grinning like he had invented something startlingly original and groundbreaking.

"How'd you like that, Flower?"

"Clearly, I loved it, Sweetie. How'd you like it?"

"I thought it was pretty spectacular from my end."

She laughed. Keeping him tucked up inside of her, she shifted her weight so she could sit up with her legs splayed out and legs tucked back. She raised herself up on her knees above him until just the tip of him was still enveloped by her heat, then she plunged back down again.

"Argh!" he cried out. "That! Do that again."

"Please?" she teased.

"Please. Do that again, please."

She repeated the move, agonizingly slowly. Gardner bit his lip in frustration as he watched her withdrawing himself from her body. Then she slid back down on him and he huffed out "Yeah, that's it."

Now he took some control of his destiny, grasping hold of her hips so that he could push his hips up and bury his cock deep inside her again and again. As they began to bounce from the momentum this was creating, Flower Girl reached for the headboard to steady herself and create a stable target for Gardner to aim for. He kissed and sucked on her tits while they bounced in his face.

Not only was Gardner giving her chest pleasure, but she was enjoying what was happening between her legs. She could feel him rubbing against that spot inside of her again. Moreover, she was soaking wet and Gardner was gliding easily in and out of her. So the sensation was not painful like sex with Tab had been, but rather pleasurable. As he had promised, this felt completely different.

Finally, Gardner got a funny look on his face, like his eyes were going to bug out of his head, and then he exploded inside of her, rocking quickly back and forth for a couple of minutes. He didn't form words like Flower Girl did when she had her orgasm, but rather he just emitted groans and noises that sounded like someone was either strangling him or he was having an aneurism or something. She found it strangely endearing and adorable. He seemed to become completely insensible during his climax, which she took as a major compliment.

Eventually his breathing smoothed out and he shook his head to unscramble his brains. He reached up to bring her down for a long, powerful kiss.

He shuddered and enthused "That was the most amazing thing I've ever experienced, and that includes taking my boat out on the water to sail for the first time."

Flower Girl laughed. "Well then, I'm flattered that I bested your boating experience!"

He huffed out an indignant laugh. "That wasn't just a boating outing! That was a coming of age adventure. A realization of my inner self. A shucking off of the Paige saga. It was a whole lot of things. But this beats that by a mile."

Flower Girl asked "How come?"

He said "Because it's the twining of our bodies, hearts and souls. It's everything I've been searching for in my life. Love, commitment, care, cherishment, if that's a word."

"Yeah, I think that's a word, or if it isn't, then we're making it one."

"Flower, I know there are things that you want to know about my life, and things I haven't told you. But please understand and embrace two very important points. First, you do know me, better than anyone has ever known me before. And second, by joining myself with you, I'm leaving behind a whole lot of yuck and a lack of love. What you've given me is helping me heal from that. All the rest is just details."

"I know, Sweetie. But I'd still like to know what they are someday."

"Yeah, I know. Thanks for not letting that stand in the way of all this, though. This is just too good to miss out on."

She gave him a big, squeezy hug. "Amen. I see that now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment, give kudos and let a friend know that this story exists. I'd like to know who is reading this story and it's a pleasure to interact with you. Thanks for reading.


	15. Chapter 15

The semester zipped along and finals concluded, and before they knew it, the Winter Break was upon them. They had the two weeks from before Christmas until after New Year's Day off for vacation. Flower Girl decided to ask Gardner to come home with her to celebrate Christmas. Surely, now that they were officially in love, he'd want to meet her family and spend time with her on her favorite holiday.

They were eating breakfast with their feet up on the coffee table, watching an inane morning talk show on the first day of Winter Break and luxuriating in their lack of any commitments. Gardner didn't even have to work that day. So now seemed the perfect time to plan out how they intended to use their three weeks together.

"Sweetie, I'm going to be going home for a couple of days for Christmas."

"Oh. Yeah?" he said. Then silence. No other reaction.

Flower Girl nudged his foot with hers and said "Yeah. So will you come with me? I want you to meet my family, and I want them to meet you. And most importantly, I don't want to be without you for any length of time."

Gardner didn't reply. He just took another bite of toast and kept crunching.

Hearing, as Simon and Garfunkel sang " _The Sounds of Silence_ ," Flower Girl turned to look at Gardner and said "Sweetie, are you going to answer me or just sit there like a bump on a log?"

Gardner finally sighed and put his plate down on the table. He turned to her and said "Flower, we've been over this before when you asked me to come to your parents' house for Thanksgiving. I told you I don't do well with family situations."

She gave him a look that was a mixture of confusion and consternation, with a dollop of annoyance. "Yes, you told me that. But that was before we were in love. I thought things would be different now. And anyway, you didn't explain what that meant. You just said it as if I'm supposed to read your mind. Does that mean that parents don't like you, or you don't like parents? Do they give you hives? What are you even talking about?"

He said "It means I don't feel comfortable going home with you to meet your parents, particularly when it means staying over."

"That's not an explanation, that's a statement of preference. What if we just went for the day, then?"

"No, I don't want to do that either."

"Well what if they come here at some point in the future and want to take us out to dinner? Are you going to refuse to meet them altogether?"

"I didn't say that," he said cagily.

"No, you didn't say that, but I'm asking you for an answer. You may as well lay all your cards on the table and tell me exactly where you stand on this whole family and parents issue. No sense in leading me on or getting my hopes up."

"Flower, it's— it's complicated."

She fumed "No it's not complicated, it's pathological! It's seriously off-kilter, and I don't understand what you're getting at or what it means, or why you feel that way. You're not explaining any of it to me. And with no explanation to create a different result, all you're doing is pissing me off and hurting my feelings."

"I can't, I just really can't get into it with you." Gardner swiped his hand through his hair in frustration.

"Does this have something to do with the big secret you're sitting on?"

"If I say yes, will you drop the subject?" He looked at her with pleading, beseeching eyes.

Flower Girl let out a big sigh and said "I guess so. I said I would, and I want to keep my word."

Gardner took her hand in his and said "Then yeah, it's to do with that. I'm sorry. I'm just not comfortable with happy families. Mine wasn't one and it's hard for me to be around ones that are."

"But Gardner, that's so self-defeating and sabotaging! I can give you a chance at being part of a happy family that would welcome you into their midst!"

"You can't know that, Flower. They might hate me. They might resent my presence as an outsider. They might think I'm not good enough for you. And even if they did like me, it would be torture being on the outside looking in on something I never had and remembering how painful it was. I'd just bring everyone down. I need to stay away for everyone's sake. You go home and have a wonderful Christmas with your family. When you get back, we can have a celebration of our own. Okay?"

With his pointer finger, he caught a tear that was descending from Flower Girl's eye and sliding down her cheek. More tears joined it and he sipped them away with his lips. She began to shake with sobs, so he gathered her in his arms and rocked her back and forth, letting her have her emotions and not challenging them. He felt awful for the pain he was causing her, but he felt he had to stand his ground. Nevertheless, he knew he had to take his punishment, which was to see his girlfriend crumble under the sorrow and misery he was inflicting.

She murmured into his chest "Okay, Sweetie. I respect your point of view, even if I don't agree with it. I wouldn't want to put you in a situation that made you miserable, any more than you would make me go into a situation that would give me a panic attack. I'll just think of you as having a family phobia. Will that work for you?"

He hugged her tighter. "Yeah, that will work just fine. Thanks, Flower. You're the best."

But even though they had come to a meeting of the minds, each of them felt privately dissatisfied. Flower Girl was questioning whether she was being too accommodating to what seemed like an increasingly unreasonable and metastasizing barrier Gardner was erecting between them. And Gardner was worried about whether he was sabotaging the first and only loving, romantic relationship he'd ever had by letting his insecurities about his past rule his present and future.

So Flower Girl packed up her gear and left for a visit to her family for Christmas without her boyfriend in tow. She had committed to being home for three days, assuming she'd be able to convince Gardner to come with her, and didn't want to disappoint her family by changing her plans and cutting her visit short now that he had refused. She resigned herself to being separated from him for a few days and tried to remind herself that when they first started dating, they used to spend days apart when their schedules were packed. But it was not the same now that they had grown so close and were accustomed to seeing each other lately almost every day, and she was dreading their separation.

Still, she reflected that perhaps a few days apart might be beneficial. She needed to clear her head and think about how she felt about the compromises she had committed herself to in this new relationship. She knew that Gardner deserved as much latitude for his mental baggage as she received from him for her own, but she still had misgivings about the nature of his request. He was asking her to accept all of him without knowing who all of him was, whereas he knew exactly who she was, warts and all. His task might be difficult – dealing with a person who might freak out at the drop of a hat – but at least he knew what the source of her distress was and had a full toolkit to cope with the phenomenon. She was still clueless about his trauma, neuroses and haunted memories and had no idea about the origins or scope of his freak-outs. Yes, a few days apart might help her sort through whether she had done the right thing, or at least help her recommit herself to accepting the decision she had made.

* * *

On Christmas Day, Gardner stopped by Trudie's place to give her her Christmas gift. She and Dale were cuddled up on the sofa under a fluffy blanket, watching the _A Christmas Story_ marathon on television and were already half in the bag, even though it was before noon. Trudie tipsily offered Gardner some heavily spiked eggnog, of which he took one sip and choked.

"So, where's your girl, kid?" Trudie asked, clearly bewildered and perturbed. "How come you're showing up at my house on your own like a bachelor like it's any other year? You oughta be with her at her place, or bringing her with you."

Dale chipped in "Yeah, I thought you two were joined at the hip nowadays. And maaaaaaan, what hips! Vavavoom!!!"

Trudie elbowed Dale in the ribs sharply. "Watch it, you. You can easily be replaced by my B.O.B."

"What's your B.O.B.?" he asked.

"Battery Operated Boyfriend," Trudie said coolly and took another sip of eggnog.

Both of them returned their gaze to Gardner, waiting for his explanation for where his girlfriend was and why he was flying solo on Christmas morning, as usual.

"Oh, well, she went home to be with her family." He hoped against hope that his statement would be sufficient explanation. Of course it wasn't.

Trudie said "What, and she didn't invite you to go with her? What the heck kind of relationship you got going there, kid? I thought you said you guys were in looooove." She stretched out the word love until it was at least three excruciating syllables long that made Gardner's cheeks flame with embarrassment and caused him to hang his head in shame.

"We _are_ in love!" he defended himself. "And she _did_ ask me to come with her. I'm the one who said no."

Trudie fumed "Why in the everlovin' hell did you do that? You'd rather be hanging around with a couple of old farts like us than in the arms of your beloved and the bosom of her family?"

Gardner shrugged and kicked the ground. "That's just it. Family. I didn't want to be with her family."

"Huh? How come? Are they a bunch of KKK members? Do they wear hoods to celebrate their Christmas morning? Or no, even worse – Jehovah's Witnesses. Damn I hate those fuckers! They won't leave me alone, knocking on my door with their hell and damnation speeches. Or maybe they're a bunch of born agains who disapprove of their daughter having S-E-X and you're afraid they're gonna try to cut off your pecker for defiling their precious princess? I tell ya, religion ruins everything." She winked cryptically at Gardner. "I mean, for the love of God, Gardner, I've _got_ to hear your excuse. It better be a juicy one!"

Gardner slumped down in the easy chair with a look that bespoke his mounting frustration. He had been questioning his choices ever since Flower Girl left town, but he'd rationalized them every single time the thought popped into his head. Now, in Trudie and Dale's presence, he wondered whether his rationale would stand up to scrutiny.

"I just don't do well with families. I didn't want to be a bummer and bring everybody's Christmas down."

Trudie gave him the stink eye. "Whaddaya mean you don't do well with families?"

He knitted his brows together and tried to articulate his feelings more clearly. "When I'm working at my job, I sometimes have to get hands-on with a birthday party, and I see those parents with their kids, loving them, giving them all that attention and working so hard to make sure that they have the best birthday ever. I never had that from my parents, ever, and then of course they got rid of me the first chance they got, and it's traumatic every time I'm around it. It rips a piece of my soul out of my body, and then I have to heal all over again.

"According to Flower, she's got a great big, loving family. She said she's an only child, but she's been pampered and spoiled by her parents and she's got lots of cousins and beloved aunts and uncles and grandparents. This Christmas visit was gonna be one big lovefest. It would be like having to live and breathe one of those birthday parties for like three days straight. I just didn't think I could handle it. And then I'd get depressed and upset and people would notice and I'd bring everyone else down, and then they wouldn't like me, or maybe they wouldn't like me in the first place, and I didn't want to face that judgment. I mean, let's face it. I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I'm odd."

Trudie got up and retrieved Gardner's glass. She went to her refrigerator and got the fixings for a Roy Roger, mixed one up, and handed it to him, giving him a pat on the shoulder. He took it gratefully and raised it in cheers to her and Dale. Then she sat back down and prepared to ream him out.

"Listen Gardner, I've got every sympathy for you having to endure watching other families' celebrations at your job. That's like vicarious agony for you. But if you had gone to Leah's or Flower Girl, as you call her – if you had gone to Flower Girl's house for Christmas, you'd have been included in the celebration. You'd have been part of the family. That could have been your first ever happy family memory and you cheated yourself and her out of it."

He shook his head sadly. "That's what she said. I guess I just don't have enough faith or trust yet."

Trudie upped her stink eye game and switched to her death stare. "Hallelujah, give a prize to Captain Obvious! Well that is more than a cryin' shame, it's practically criminal. You say you love the girl but you're holding back your faith and trust. You don't think she'd have taken care of you in that situation? Done everything possible to make sure it was a good experience for you, and if it wasn't, helped you through it?"

Gardner chewed his maraschino cherry thoughtfully. "I guess I didn't give her the chance to prove it. I thought I was saving us both some pain and misery."

Trudie said "And I think you're causing more pain and misery for both of you. She's at her parents' house, probably missing you like crazy and wondering why you don't trust her and won't open yourself up to her more, and you're sitting here in my living room on Christmas morning like a pitiful loser who doesn't have a girlfriend, when you actually do. How is that better?"

Gardner opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out, so Dale jumped in and added his two cents to the conversation.

"Well you've told her about your parents, haven't you, so what makes you think she wouldn't be sympathetic and look after you?" Dale asked, as if this was the most obvious factor in the world that Gardner had overlooked.

Gardner ducked his head down to avoid their inevitable stares of disapproval. "No, I haven't told her about that."

"Dude, why not?" Dale yelled. "What's wrong with you? That's your lady love! She's supposed to be your everything, your main squeeze! How can you expect her to support you through all of life's difficulties if she doesn't even _know_ who you are or what flavors your difficulties come in?"

Trudie put a calming hand on Dale's knee and said "Cool it, honey. Gardner's a sensitive plant. He's gonna tell her when he's ready. Aren't you kiddo?"

Gardner kept his gaze averted. He stubbornly chewed on a fingernail and refused to answer the question.

Trudie repeated herself more firmly. " _Aren't_ you, Gardner? I mean, like, I know I told her she should go ahead and throw down her chips and bet heavily on you even though you hadn't told her about your past yet, but that's because I know you and believe in you and figured you'd do the right thing by her and give up this ridiculous tantrum you've been throwing."

Gardner whipped his head up and frowned, his jaw clenching with anger. "What do you mean tantrum?"

"What I mean is you got your heart broken by Paige because you dropped a veil and told her everything about your parents abandoning you and she didn't show you the proper sympathy or even acknowledge how devastating that was for you, plus she toyed with you and dumped you. But now you're punishing your new girl, the one who really does love you and wants to share her whole life with you and has been begging you to do the same. How does that make any damn sense at all?"

Gardner retorted hotly "Because the one time I opened up and talked about it, I got _my heart broken_! That's why! And if I keep it to myself, it won't happen again."

Trudy snorted with contempt. "Well how long do you reckon this girl is gonna hang around waiting for you to spill the beans? You're gonna end up making this a self-fulfilling prophecy. How long do you think she's gonna tolerate there being a part of your heart that she's not allowed access to? You think that's kind or fair to her? If I were her, I wouldn't stick around for too long. You could at least have tried to meet her halfway by meeting her family."

Trudie leaned forward and gave Gardner a stern look. "Yer blowin' it, kid. Don't shut her out. Don't assume she's going to hurt you or disappoint you. Stop bein' a candy ass and sac up and let it all hang out. If you don't, I predict she won't be around by the time Valentine's Day rolls around. And if that's the case, don't you dare come barging in and interrupting me and Dale. We're gonna be otherwise _occupado_ , if you get my meaning."

Gardner stood up and made for the door. He said over his shoulder "Your Christmas present is on the table. It's booze, so you might want to get started on it. That eggnog is kinda gross. Sorry I interrupted you. Merry Christmas you guys." With that parting shot, he let himself out.

* * *

Flower Girl was hanging out with her best friend from high school, Jenna, who was also home from college and whose parents lived down the street from Flower Girl's family. They were painting their nails and eating M&Ms, reading trashy tabloid magazines, and listening to Queen albums. Basically, they were recreating the atmosphere they used to enjoy when they hung out as teenagers.

Flower Girl told Jenna all about Gardner, and had just gotten to the explanation for why he had refused to come home with her for Christmas. Jenna was frowning with disapproval as she reached for the King Sized bag of M&Ms. She decided to give Flower Girl her unsolicited opinion.

"Well I think that's a really shitty thing to do, leaving you high and dry on your first Christmas together as a couple. I mean seriously? He couldn't man up and get over his issues to come meet your family? You must not mean that much to him then."

Flower Girl petulantly snatched the bag of candy out of her friend's hand and said "Well I think you saying what you just said is pretty shitty. I mean, you don't even know him! He's a very sensitive person, and I've been told that he's been through a lot in his life. Plus, he tolerates all of my bullshit, with my agoraphobia and panic disorder. Shouldn't I be a little patient with him and his issues?"

Her friend shrugged her shoulders and said "Yeah, but Leah, you aren't hiding anything from him. And you went over to his brother's house for Thanksgiving and met all the people in _his_ life even though it was a big crowd of people and you said you had to get drunk to get through it. That was a huge sacrifice you made for him."

"Well, I wouldn't call it huge. And yeah, I did get drunk, but I probably could have done it sober. I just thought it would be easier for the first run-through with all those people. Plus, it was a party. Who's to say I wasn't getting drunk partly because of that?"

Jenna gave her a skeptical frown. "I know you, Leah. You hardly ever drink, and when you do, you almost never get drunk on purpose. Stop making excuses. You got out of your comfort zone so that you could please your boyfriend, and that's another thing that kind of has me worried. Are you _sure_ he's not like Tab? He's not forcing you into situations that are unhealthy for you? You do tend to be a people pleaser."

"Oh for heaven's sake, Jenna! No, of course not! It was a lovely group of people meeting up at a party held at a house I'd been at many times. It was only a few friends of his. Except for that one girl who had the hots for him and kind of went all tigress on me. She was a handful, so being drunk kind of came in handy."

"Ooooh, tell me about that part!" Jenna yelped.

Flower Girl filled her in on the standoff she'd had with Rose over whether she'd been the thief of Gardner's heart or not. Jenna started shouting "Whoop whoop!" and gave Flower Girl two high fives and patted her on the back. Nevertheless, she was not diverted from her main concerns. "Still, Leah, I don't mean to treat you like a kid, but you went through hell with Tab and never even saw some of it coming until it was too late. I don't want that to happen again with this new guy. I'm worried about you may have a tendency to gravite towards emotionally unavailable guys."

"That's— that's not true! How can that be true about Gardner when he said he loves me?" Her lip was trembling and her face was flushed. She wrapped her arms around herself and began to rock back and forth, all signs of an impending panic attack.

Jenna sprang forth and brought her into a hug. "I'm sorry, Leah! I didn't mean to set you off! Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm talking out of my ass. I just thought I was giving you an objective observer's point of view. But you know him better than I do, and when it comes right down to it, if you're happy, then that's all that really matters."

Flower Girl started to cry. "I _am_ happy."

Jenna laughed "Then why are you crying?"

Her friend wailed "Because I'm also unhappy! I'm unhappy about him keeping secrets from me, and I'm unhappy that he wouldn't come home with me. I'm torn between trying to accept him as he is and accepting a situation that doesn't seem right to me. I thought when I fell in love I'd be sharing every aspect of life with that person. But it's like we live in this big house together and there's a scary cellar in the basement where he keeps all his haunted thoughts and memories, and on the door is a sign with the words ' _DO NOT ENTER_ ' written in blood, and I've got to live in that haunted house with him. How can that be a truly happy home?"

Jenna nodded and said "I support you in that. You shouldn't have to put up with that. Especially if it creeps you out or feels like a compromise you shouldn't be making."

Flower Girl sobbed "But see, the reason why I'm having to make it is the first girl he dated, he told the secret to her and she failed the test and she ruined it for me and now he won't give me a chance to prove I'm worthy of knowing his whole life, his whole mind, his whole heart. I'm allowed to love him as he is, and I do – very much – but I can never know who he really is. I guess I can't really say for sure he's not like Tab if I don't know who he really is. Oh, God, Jen, I'm so confused and upset."

"Have you talked to him about it?"

"No, once he said he wouldn't come for Christmas, we just let the subject drop. He called me last night just like normal and acted like nothing was amiss."

Jenna allowed her eyes to widen and mouth the word "Wow," but she said nothing. Still, it was clear to Flower Girl that her best friend was not convinced that she wasn't dating an abusive psycho. She felt honor bound to stick up for him.

"He really is a wonderful person, Jen. He really is. He's just got a lot of heartache in his past."

"Well so do you, Leah! But you laid all your cards on the table, didn't you?"

Flower Girl sighed and nodded silently. She felt tired of trying to rationalize the situation. She had tied herself up in intellectual and emotional knots in order to make sense of how she and Gardener could take opposing approaches to their damaged pasts and co-exist in a loving relationship.

Jenna begged her "Just promise me this. Promise me that you won't sell yourself short again, or violate your own principles. Remember the things you learned the hard way from your relationship with Tab and don't repeat the past. Even though this guy may have a sweet exterior, he still has the potential to really hurt you, maybe even inadvertently, and to me he sounds like he's asking you to compromise your beliefs to your detriment."

"I don't know, Jen. I'm not sure that's what he's doing. But I promise I will keep my eyes open and try to stay true to myself."

* * *

Gardner and Flower Girl talked on the phone on Christmas night and again, it was as if everything was totally normal, at least from Gardner's side of the conversation. He mentioned he had dropped by Trudie's place, but elided the substance of the conversation they had. He just said he had given her a Christmas present and that Dale had been there, that they had looked cute cuddling on the sofa, and that he missed doing the same with her. Flower Girl's reply was a somewhat terse "Uh huh," as opposed to the more lovey dovey "I know, I wish we could be doing the same thing," or the annoyed and perturbed "Well if you had come home with me, we could have been doing that very thing right now," retort that were both buzzing through her mind and bursting to leave her lips. The rest of their conversation was fairly monosyllabic on her part, since she didn't trust herself to say anything more civil or neutral, not knowing which way the wind was blowing concerning how she felt about Gardner. Eventually Gardner ran out of things to say and they said goodbye.

The next night, Gardner didn't call. Flower Girl figured maybe he was checking to see if she would call him, but she decided not to. She felt like controlling what came out of her mouth was just too much of an effort, and if they were going to have either a disagreement or a heavy discussion, she'd rather it didn't take place over the phone. So for the first time in months, they didn't speak to each other at all for a whole day and night, and when she went to bed that night, she felt bereft and heartsick.

She drove home the following day and was back by late afternoon. She had made a detour at the grocery store to stock up on food so that she wouldn't have to leave her house again for the foreseeable future. She had had quite enough human company to last her a good long while, what with all the cousins and aunts and uncles, not to mention her grandparents nagging her about why her boyfriend didn't come home with her to meet them. Mercifully, her parents had not been judgmental and had taken it with good grace, figuring that her boyfriend was just shy, and they just found it amusing that anyone would be nervous about meeting them because in reality they were so mild-mannered.

Over at Calvin's house, Gardner was in full-on freakout mode. He was pacing up and down the living room frantically, as Calvin did sit-ups on a yoga mat he had spread out on the floor. Gardner was running his fingers through his hair, his favorite nervous tic, and by now he looked like he had stuck his finger in an electrical socket.

"Cal, I just know something's up. Something's wrong! She didn't call last night."

Calvin rolled his eyes as he continued to exercise, grunting disgustingly each time he hefted his paunch up off the floor.

"Ugh, did she say she'd, ugh, call?"

"No, but when I don't call, she calls me."

"So why, ugh, didn't you call her?"

"Because I wanted to see if she'd call me."

"Well maybe she, ugh, thought the same thing. Ugh, maybe she wanted to see if you'd call her."

"But I called her on the first two nights she was away. It would have been her turn to call me."

"Do you, ugh, usually take turns?"

"Well, no, it's not anything formal like that. And I mean, at this point, I don't even keep track. It's just that right at this particular moment, it happens to matter very much to me who calls whom and that we be in touch consistently, particularly because she was out of town."

"Well why, ugh, at this particular moment?"

Gardner finally sat down, put his head in his hands and started to tug at his hair instead. "Because I think maybe I messed up. I think she might be mad at me."

"Ugh, why would she be mad at you? You're a hell of a, ugh, guy!"

"Jeez, Cal, can you stop with the sit-ups? You're making me nauseous listening to you."

Calvin sighed and sat up. "Okay, happy now? You have my undivided attention. Why would she be mad at you? Did you do something to upset her?"

"Well, yeah, I think I did." Gardner explained to him the whole kerfuffle about him not going to Flower Girl's family home for Christmas, and about how he was refusing to discuss his past about how his parents had abandoned him, and how he hadn't even revealed to her that Calvin and he weren't actually blood brothers.

Calvin looked stupefied after Gardner finished spilling his guts. He rendered his verdict succinctly. "Maaaaan, you sure are a dumbass."

Gardner said "Don't sugarcoat it, Cal. Just give it to me straight."

"Well you are! You are definitely blowing it with this lady, dude. I mean, what's the big deal?"

Gardner sighed and said "I'm really beginning to question myself on that point."

Calvin slapped Gardner's knee and said "Good, I'm glad we had this talk. Now can I get back to my workout? This body doesn't stay studly by magic, you know. It takes commitment and hard work."

Gardner said "Yeah, you go ahead."

Calvin said "Great. Good talk."

Gardner decided not to call Flower Girl again that night, just to make absolutely _sure_ that she was avoiding calling him. Sure enough, she didn't call him. Now he _knew_ there was something wrong. Meanwhile, Flower Girl cried her eyes out as she laid in bed that night, now receiving certain confirmation that something _definitely_ was wrong after Gardner didn't call for two nights running.

Now it was a battle of wills between two stubborn people, neither of whom wanted to initiate a difficult conversation. Flower Girl knew she couldn't force Gardner to spill his secrets and was mystified about how to confront him in a way that didn't result in an ultimatum. Gardner, ever the pessimist, figured he'd already lost her love and that all that was left was the shouting, which he'd just as soon avoid, so he did. He didn't call her, and she didn't call him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment, give kudos and let a friend know that this story exists. I'd like to know who is reading this story and it's a pleasure to interact with you. Thanks for reading.


	16. Chapter 16

The days of silence between Gardner and Flower Girl ticked by.

New Year's Eve day arrived and Flower Girl had to confront the fact that she was going to be ushering in the New Year with no kiss at midnight. If she didn't come up with something quick, she would be greeting January 1 by herself on her couch. This seemed insupportable, despite her usual lack of enthusiasm for socializing. Ever since she'd been dating Gardner, she'd mostly let her other casual friendships slide. She had never devoted much energy to them because she was always so unreliable owing to her agoraphobia and panic disorder. But now she regretted that lack of care and she scrambled to find someone to spend the evening with her.

She called Derek from Lit class and her study group and found out that he was having a party at his place. He lived in an apartment off campus. He said others from their study group would be there and told her that his place was on the ground floor and there would be access to the patio and pool area, so the guests wouldn't be that tightly packed. She figured she could stop by and at least make an appearance so she didn't feel like a loser.

At a minimum, the party gave her an opportunity to wear a new dress that had been hanging in her closet for a while, just waiting for a special occasion. It made her sad, however, knowing that its debut would not occur with her hooked on Gardner's arm, going somewhere special. Instead, she'd be attending the party like a loser singleton, which she wasn't, or was she? She didn't know. It made her head and heart hurt to try to even untangle the messy threads of all the feelings she had on that question.

She took a cab just to be on the safe side, knowing that New Year's Eve was notorious for dangerous driving conditions. She also thought she might need some alcoholic fortification for this shindig, and didn't want to have to worry about how much she imbibed since she was kind of a lightweight. 

When she arrived at the party, she was greeted cordially by her host, who was already cordially drunk. He gave her a hug which Flower Girl thought he held for maybe just a beat or two longer than he ought, given that he knew she had a boyfriend. Then again, she could make allowances for the fact that he had been drinking, and it was a holiday, and he was the host and he was just making her welcome.

"Hey, Leah," he shouted above the din of the crowd of partygoers. "I'm so glad you decided to come to my party!" He let his eyes roam over her from head to toe and then all over her once more for good measure. "You look absolutely gorgeous, Leah. I've always known you were pretty, but gosh, you're _gorgeous_! You've been hiding your light under a bushel!" 

"That's a funny proverb," she mumbled self-consciously, not used to being complimented on her looks and not entirely glad to receive such attention. "Gardner loves proverbs," she added, then kicked herself for bringing his name up and calling unwanted notice to his absence.

Derek grimaced as if he smelled something bad and said "Gardner, yeah, hmmm. By the way, where is he?"

She said "Oh, he's around. I'm not sure what he's doing tonight."

Derek took an exaggerated step back to indicate startled surprise and said "What? You guys aren't together tonight? What happened? Are you two finished?"

"No, I didn't say that. It's, well, it's complicated."

He leaned in and put his arm around her shoulder. "Mmm, tell me all about it later. Let me get you a drink, my lady. What do you fancy?"

He guided her over to the counter where he had the bar set up and gestured to the keg. "I've got a huge kegger if you're a beer drinker, or I can mix you a cocktail."

"I'll have a Cosmo, please," she requested.

"Okay, one Cosmo coming up."

He grabbed a red plastic cup, sloshed in a great quantity of vodka and a modicum of cranberry juice and called it a Cosmo. She looked at it dubiously with a curl of her lip and a raised eyebrow.

He threw his hands up in defeat. "Hey, that's the best I can do. I'm just a poor college student."

She shrugged her shoulders and accepted the drink. "Okay, I'll excuse your lack of sophistication. Hand it over." She took a big gulp, screwed up her face at the strength of the drink, then smiled at him so as not to hurt his feelings at what a terrible bartender he was.

"Good?" he inquired, with a smirk.

"Oh yeah, just swell," she retorted, gasping for breath.

"Let me show you around, so you know all the ins and outs of the place and can get comfortable. And I'll introduce you around."

"Thank you, Derek. You're a considerate host. You sure you don't have anywhere else you need to be?"

Derek gave her a smoldering look and said "Right now, I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be than right here, with you."

Flower Girl took another gulp of her drink and shuddered as the alcohol burned her throat.

Derek put his arm around her shoulders and steered her from group to group of people, introducing her as they went. She waited for him to leave her, but he didn't. He stuck to her like white cat hair on a black wool skirt. Lots of pretty girls came up to them and tried to get his attention, but he just waved them away. She began to feel self-conscious.

"Derek, you should go attend to your other guests. I've met lots of folks now who I can mingle with. I'll be alright now. Thanks for looking after me."

He looked at her with an expression like she had kicked a puppy, and he was the canine in question. "What, don't you like hanging out with me?"

Being the ultimate people-pleaser, she backpedaled quickly. "No, no of course I do. I didn't mean it like that. It's just that, well, haven't you noticed that there are dozens of girls who all want your attention and I'm just getting in the way?"

He turned to face her and pulled her in towards his body, threading his arms around her waist. He bent down so that she could hear what he was saying but no one else could. "Leah, you're the girl I want to be with. Nobody else. That's why I invited you. That's why I'm with you now. No other girl in this room holds the slightest interest for me."

She gasped, shocked at his admission and panicked at how badly she had miscalculated her situation. She hadn't meant to flirt with him or lead him on. Quickly she did a mental inventory of her actions and words to make sure she hadn't done anything to indicate she had the slightest romantic or sexual interest in him. No, she was pretty sure she hadn't. Still, her danger signals were flashing.

"Oh, well, Derek, that's very flattering, but I, uhm, well that is, I'm not really single."

He raised one eyebrow like it had its own independent muscle group. She wondered how he learned how to do that. It was truly impressive.

He said "Oh yeah, well then how come you're here alone? Where's your boyfriend then? How come you're in my arms and not his?"

She stepped back to rectify at least half of that status quo and said "He's doing other stuff tonight."

"But you said you didn't know what he was doing. I would think that if he's your boyfriend, you'd know exactly what he's doing. And more than that, if he were your boyfriend, he'd be by your side, next to you, counting down the hours to midnight so that he could give you a big kiss."

"Well, like I said, it's complicated. We're kind of on a break right now."

"So then if you're on a break, what's the harm in letting another guy treat you like the goddess that you are?"

She laughed involuntarily, amused that he would say something she felt was so clearly off the mark. "I am SO not a goddess! I'm a frickin' mess and a handful, physically, mentally and emotionally! You've known me long enough to realize that."

Derek reached down, took up Flower Girl's hand and kissed it gently. "To me, Leah, you are transcendent. You are beautiful inside and out, with whatever flaws you think you have. I'm enamored of you just as you are. And you're right, I've had enough time to judge for myself on the matter, so don't tell me I don't know what I'm talking about."

She sputtered "Well, I- I- I mean, that doesn't really count. We've never had a private conversation, just the two of us."

"So let's go have one now. We don't have to go to my room or anywhere private like that if it will make you uncomfortable, we can go out on the patio."

She panicked "I can't believe you even _mentioned_ your room, Derek! How much have you had to drink? And what sort of girl do you think I am?"

He started to press a series of kisses from her hand, which he still held, down her wrist and up her arm. "You're not a girl, Leah. You're a woman. A gorgeous, vivacious, wonderful woman who I want to know better and be with."

She jerked her hand back as if he had been burning her with a lit cigarette butt. "Well I'm not available to be had, Derek! Either I'm still Gardner's girlfriend, or I'm a single Pringle and I'm out of the dating market for a while until I get my head around the fact that he and I have broken up and I've learned whatever lessons I need to learn from that experience. Either way, this is _so_ not a good idea." She started backing away from him, looking around her to get her bearings, seeking out the quickest route to the exit.

She spotted the front door in her peripheral vision and said "I appreciate your inviting me to this party. It was really lovely, and you were a good friend to make me feel less of a loser for having nowhere to spend my New Year's Eve. I think I'm going to head home now."

Derek protested "But it's not midnight yet! It's not even eleven o'clock! I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, Leah. Forget what I said. Let's just hang out."

She shook her head no. "No, no, it's okay. I was always planning on just making a cameo appearance. My therapist says to keep party attendance short and sweet and leave before the panic sets in. I think I'd like to quit while I'm ahead. Thank you again."

Derek sighed and looked like he knew he was getting the brush-off. "Okay, let me see you to your car."

"No!" she yelped. "I mean, no, I'll be fine. Just let me take care of myself. It builds character, you know?" she tried to joke. 

"Okay. Well, happy New Year, Leah." He bent down and kissed her cheek, probably knowing it would be his last chance to do so.

She flinched and pulled away. "Yes, well, happy New Year to you, too, Derek."

She fled the room and dashed for the front door. She kept running even though she had on high heels. She didn't stop jogging until she was several blocks away from Derek's apartment before she finally felt safe enough to call a cab.

* * *

There must have been a rush on cabs that night because it took nearly a half hour before the cab finally picked Flower Girl up. By the time it finally dropped her at home, it was about 11:30 p.m. She felt physically and mentally exhausted and couldn't wait to just change into her jammies and go to bed. She wasn't even going to wait up and summon in the new year. What was the point? She was going to go kissless and be miserable anyway, so she might as well duck the whole thing by going to sleep as quickly as possible.

When she approached her front door, she saw a shadow near the ground which concerned her. As she got closer, she realized that it was a person, slumped against her front door. Alarmed, she thought of retreating and calling the police, but as she got a better look at the person's form, she realized it was Gardner with a big shopping bag next to him. 

She approached him somewhat reluctantly, not sure what to say to him. When she was just about a foot away, she could hear his soft whiffling snore and realized that he had fallen asleep. What the heck was he doing here, sleeping in her hallway? She was mystified. 

Carefully, she bent down (an effort in her tight satin dress) and gently shook his shoulders. He gasped and hiccupped and sprang to life. He was blinking at her like a mole who had just emerged from his burrow into the bright sunlight. Flower Girl couldn't help observing how adorable he looked.

"Gardner, what are you doing here? And why are you having a nap?"

He scrambled to his feet. "Oh, hi, Flower. It's you. You scared me. I was waiting for you." 

She was stunned. "How long have you been here?"

"I came over after my shift at work, so about nine-thirty. It's been kind of a long day. I guess I dozed off."

Feeling very uncomfortable on her haunches in such a tight, low-cut outfit, she stood up and straightened her dress.

"Humph. Well. Hello. What can I do for you?"

Gardner gulped. Her businesslike demeanor indicated that this wasn't going so well.

"I uh, I came by to give you your Christmas present."

Her clenched heart unfurled a bit. "Oh. Jeez. That was nice of you. You didn't have to rush over here tonight. It could have waited. You didn't even have to get me a present."

He took a step nearer to her. "I wanted to see you tonight. I wanted to get you a present. Can I come in, please? I'd like to talk to you."

She was feeling overwrought with fright and anxiety from Derek's advances and was really not sure she'd be able to hold her ground in a discussion with Gardner tonight. Was it a good idea to let him in? 

"Gardner, I've had kind of a traumatic night. I'm not sure it's a good idea..."

"Please, Flower, I promise you, it's a good idea," he pleaded.

She sighed and pushed past him, dug in her bag for her keys and opened the door, leaving it ajar for him. She dumped her purse on the kitchen table and started to walk towards the bedroom to change into her pajamas like she normally would, then thought better of it and decided she'd better stay dressed as she was. She didn't want to lead Gardner on. This was not a friendly sleepover type of situation, as far as she was concerned. This was a discussion that he wanted to have, so they'd have it, which required real clothes for both of them.

She asked him "Do you want anything to drink, Gardner?"

He noted with some sadness her use of his proper name and not her nickname for him. 

"Yeah, I'd love a glass of water."

She went to the kitchen and poured glasses of water for both of them. As she was in the process of doing that, Gardner noticed for the first time what she was wearing and remarked upon her appearance.

"You look beautiful in that dress, Flower."

She looked down at herself as if to confirm the veracity of his statement, then said "Thanks. I'm glad I finally had an opportunity to wear it. I've had it for a while now."

Gardner said "I wish I could have been the one to take you out somewhere in that dress."

She shrugged her shoulders insouciantly, as if it weren't killing her that that hadn't been the case. "Oh well. That's life."

"Where did you go tonight?"

She looked up sharply and handed him his glass somewhat roughly. "Why do you care?"

"I, I was just wondering. I was hoping that wherever you went, you had a good time."

She said more civilly "That's a kind thought." She realized Gardner was waiting for her answer so she explained "I went to a New Year's Eve party at Derek's," and waited for the inevitable explosion. Gardner had always thought she had a crush on Derek, and even though she'd assured him that wasn't the case, he firmly believed at the very least that Derek had a thing for her.

"You went to Derek's?" Gardner could scarcely believe how fast she had moved on from him. She already had another guy on the hook. "I'll bet he was happy to see you," he said miserably, unable to mask the jealousy in his voice.

"As a matter of fact," she sassed back "he was thuh-rilled to see me." Her eyes bored into him with a stern look, scolding him for assuming she would go chasing after another guy so soon after they had busted up, if in fact that's what had happened to them (she wasn't even sure).

Gardner looked so thoroughly miserable, however, that she decided he'd been punished enough and she quickly reassured him. "Actually, he was all over me and he scared the crap out of me. I ended up running out of the party like my ass was on fire."

Gardner's eyes popped and at first his jaw hung loose. Then, after he'd had a few seconds to contemplate the image of Derek manhandling his girlfriend and scaring the Bejeezus out of her, his expression turned decidedly angry and his face tightened up until Flower Girl could see the cords of his jaw muscles clenched.

"That jerk put his hands on you without your permission? He was hitting on you?"

Flower Girl was semi-enjoying Gardner's reaction. The memory of Derek's overtures were so distasteful to her that it was nice to have someone validate her feelings on the matter. And she didn't mind Gardner being jealous and causing him a bit of misery. On the other hand, she did not want to encourage Gardner to get into some sort of pissing contest with Derek over her. She could and did fight her own battles.

"Don't worry about it, I handled it."

"That asshole! I told you he had the hots for you! If I ever run into him next semester, I'm going to give him a piece of my mind."

"Why Gardner? You weren't at the party. And I told him I wasn't even sure we were dating anymore."

Gardner's heart skittered to a stop for a few beats. "You told him that?" he croaked out miserably.

Flower Girl crossed her arms around herself part defensively and part protectively and said "Yes, I did, because it's true. I don't know what's going on with you. I haven't heard from you in days."

"Well I haven't heard from you either!" he defended himself weakly.

She shook her head. "Oh, no you don't. You're the one who started it. You were acting like you hadn't done the most egregiously upsetting thing to me, refusing to come home for Christmas with me without fully explaining why. I didn't call you from home that last night because I didn't want to get into an argument on the phone. I was going to wait and try to talk it through with you when I got back. But since you didn't call me, it seemed like you had just blown me off. So I waited to make sure and yep, you blew me off the next night, too. Or you were mad at me, or something. Anyway, it seemed like you didn't want to talk to me, so I was waiting for you to get your shit together and come talk to me."

Gardner mewled "But it was _your_ turn to call."

She retorted "I told you why I didn't call. There was nothing stopping you from picking up that phone. It doesn't weigh a thousand pounds."

Gardner admitted "No, you're right. It doesn't. I was testing you to see if you'd call. And you didn't, so I figured you were mad at me. And then you kept on not calling me, which just confirmed it. So I've been trying to work up the courage to come and talk to you. And now I'm here."

"But here's the million dollar question, Gardner – have you got your shit together? Because I'm just really confused. I've talked to so many people about you. All the people who know you best told me to just accept you as you are, with all your secrets and walled off spaces. But when I talked to my friend who knows _me_ best and I explained this situation to her, she said it sounded like I was in another unhealthy relationship. She said I tend to gravitate towards emotionally unavailable guys and she warned me not to fall into the same people pleasing habits I picked up when I was with Tab."

Gardner was simultaneously shocked and unsurprised. He thought he'd come a long way in his emotional development, but wouldn't be surprised if it had gone unnoticed. "Is that what you think about me, that I'm emotionally unavailable?"

"No, I asked her how could you be emotionally unavailable if you could say that you love me. But I did say that I'm unhappy and confused and upset because you've locked away this whole section of your heart and mind and barred me from entering it. And the reason for your doing that is because some other bitch burned you when you let her in and it seems like you're punishing me for her mistakes. And I've started feeling like maybe I am being too accommodating by confusing unconditional acceptance for tolerating a situation that just doesn't sit right with me, just so that I can hold on to your love."

"You're right."

"What?" Flower Girl trembled, fearing this was truly the end now. She was about to get the heave ho.

"I said you're right. I've been penalizing you for Paige's transgressions. It's true, I don't go around telling most people about my past or my upbringing. But I should be willing to tell the woman I love, the woman I want to spend my life with. I didn't want to risk telling you because I thought if you reacted in a certain way that caused me pain, then I couldn't love you. Or if you judged me, I'd lose your love. But what you're telling me now and what your silence was telling me these last few days, is that I'm losing it anyway."

"Gardner, I didn't say that."

"No, you didn't say that, but it's pretty clear that it's trending in that direction, isn't it?"

She sighed and slumped her shoulders in defeat. "Okay. I promised my friend I'd be true to myself, so I'll tell you what's really in my mind and heart. Yes, it's true. I can't give my whole heart to a man who won't reciprocate. And part of that entails opening the door to every room in your mental house and your heart and showing me what's inside them. I don't want there to be any "DO NOT ENTER" signs. You can have all my respect and acceptance once I know what's there, but we can't truly co-exist with any secrets. I can't have any areas where I'm not welcome, particularly because love is really like sharing a home together. I need to feel welcome in every room."

He reached for her hands, which she'd been wringing and clenching nervously as she spoke. As their fingers touched, she realized it was the first time they had actually made physical contact while in each other's presence that evening, something that they usually did immediately. After having been separated for such a long period of time, the sensation of his touch felt both delicious and excruciating, because while she ached for it, she also feared it might not be hers on terms she could accept. Still, she let him hold and stroke her hands. She felt weak-willed but if it was to be the last time, then so be it.

"Flower, I know I've put you through the wringer, asking you for more than you felt you could give and then you gave it anyway. I'll never forget that and I'll always be grateful..."

She heard these words and to her ears they sounded like a prelude to a dumping. She swallowed hard to fight the tears that were threatening to force their way out. It didn't work. One tear fell, and the next and the next.

Gardner reached for her cheeks and let his fingers trace through the tears. "I'm so sorry I put these tears here, Flower. Please forgive me. I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm trying to tell you I'm sorry. That I want to open up and tell you all my secrets and get things off my chest. I don't know why I thought you'd hurt me. You're such a gentle, sensitive person."

Flower Girl started to ugly cry at this point. "I _am_ , Gardner. I really _am_! I've been hurt like some people are fortunate never to have to face being hurt. _Why_ would you think I'd hurt you? What horrible things have you been through to make you view the world and me that way? Let me at least share your burden."

Gardner sensed she was getting overwrought and wanted to head off a panic attack. He took her in his arms and shushed her, rocking her back and forth. "Shhhhh, Flower, it's okay, it's going to be okay. Calm down. I don't want you to have a panic attack. I'm going to tell you everything. Just breathe."

He started to pat her on the back and swirl his hands around, waiting for her breathing to slow down and her crying to still. Finally, she pulled away and said "Okay, I'm okay. Thanks. But can I go change out of this dress? I was going to stay dressed up for this conversation, but I just can't do it. It's just too much."

"Sure, no problem. Do you want help?"

"No!" she blurted out. "I mean, no thank you. I'm okay." Embarrassed, she ran into the bedroom and shut the door. When she emerged, she was not in her pajamas. She had changed into jeans and a t-shirt, not her usual go-to pajamas. Gardner noticed her wearing what for her amounted to formalwear and made a funny face.

She crossed her arms defensively. "I said I wanted to stay dressed for this conversation. I feel like it keeps us on an even footing."

He smiled equably. "That's fine. I understand."

She sat back down on the couch, cross legged facing Gardner. Usually she'd put her legs in his lap. "Okay, you may proceed. What do you want to tell me?"

Gardner joked "Wow, we _are_ being formal. It's almost like a business meeting."

Flower Girl gestured impatiently for him to move the conversation along.

Nervously, he ran his hand through his hair. "Okay, where to start? Well, I guess at the beginning, right?"

She nodded, this time giving him an encouraging smile.

Gardner appreciated this sign of support and, feeling buoyed by it, plunged headlong into his tale.

"When I was growing up, my parents were part of a religious cult. Not like the Moonies or Jonestown or anything, but just a very strict religious sect that had all sorts of bizarre beliefs, including crazy practices concerning kids and marriage and rites of passage and such. One of their beliefs was that once you reach the age of sixteen, you're an adult. That means you can and should be ready to get married and support yourself."

Flower Girl observed mildly "That's kinda twisted."

Gardner nodded and said "Yeah, for sure. Needless to say, I took issue with that. My whole fourteenth and fifteenth years of life were this big build-up to my 'maturity,' as it was referred to. For starters, because my parents were considered church leaders, I was also being groomed to take a leadership role in the church with the youth group. And then as part of my maturity preparation, my dad arranged for me to get a part-time job at a local insurance sales office by the time I was fourteen, even though legally I wasn't supposed to be working until I was sixteen. This was so I could start earning money and get used to supporting myself and presumably my bride-to-be financially."

"Oh for god's sake! That's nuts! So inappropriate!" Flower remarked.

"Exactly, it was for God's sake! Or that's what they told me. Anyway, I started running away from home every chance I got. I mean, it was kind of half-assed. Most of the time, I'd just disappear and go sleep at Cal—I mean, a friend's house. But my parents would have to take the time to track me down, and it embarrassed them in front of the church elders to have this obstreperous, disobedient son. 

"After a while, my shenanigans started bringing down my family's good name within the church. I was told that I was no longer leadership material and that the family of the girl who I was supposed to marry had changed their mind about the suitability of the match. My parents were mortified, and they were furious at me. They kept warning me that there would be consequences to my actions, but they were never specific."

"Weren't you scared?"

"No, I didn't believe them. And up until then, I had been kind of untouchable because of my parents' status in the church. I was just trying to have the life of a normal young teenage boy, but they had filled my head with all sorts of nonsense about how superior I was, so how was I to know any different? I thought I could just defy church rules and that nothing bad would happen.

"So my sixteenth birthday came and went, and I refused to get married. I wasn't ready to be a husband, never mind a father, which of course was also expected, and I wasn't ready to be a provider and have someone else's life be my responsibility. Because that's the way it was in the church, the man was the provider and the woman obeyed the man and pumped out babies."

"Oh my god, Gardner, you poor lamb. That sounds horrific! That is so wrong." Flower Girl reached forward to squeeze his hand in solidarity.

"I'm glad you can see that and I appreciate your affirmation. So, back to my story. One day about a month after my sixteenth birthday, I came home from school and no one was at home. My parents were gone. The entire house was empty. They had moved out and left nothing but my own possessions and the boat they owned that was still sitting in the driveway. That's the boat I live in now."

Flower Girl gasped in horror. "Holy shit! Where did they go?"

Gardner shrugged. "I don't know. I asked around at the church and all I could discover was that they had been banished. The church elders made it clear that I wasn't welcome anymore either. They told me to leave and never come back, even though I was totally alone in the world and had no source of support, neither financial nor emotional."

"What did you do?"

"I went to Calvin's house. He was my best friend from school. His family took me in. They helped me move my boat to their house, and I've lived in it ever since."

Flower Girl was trying to process several levels of shock. "So you and Calvin are _not_ brothers?"

"Yes we are, in every way that matters, but no, we're not biologically related. He saved me, though, and I think of him and love him like my brother."

"But why didn't you move into his house? Why did you stay in the boat? Didn't his parents want you living in their house?"

"Oh sure, they wanted me to live in the house. They begged me to. But I had that mindset from the church that I was an adult and needed to be self-sufficient and it didn't feel right to be moving into their house and be a real kid. I didn't feel entitled to a real childhood, or what was left of it. So I compromised. I had my meals with them and spent most of my time in the house, but I slept in the boat."

"And did you ever figure out where your parents are?"

Gardner shook his head dispassionately. "Nope. Never looked for them either after I checked with the church."

"But why? Didn't you want to find them?"

"Not really. At that point, I was more afraid of their anger at me for getting them banished. And as I got older, I realized that I didn't need them or their messed up religious views, that I was better off without them. They didn't love me, so what would I say to them if I found them? Ask them _'Why don't you love me?'_ I wouldn't really want to know the answer to that question. That's part of why I didn't want to tell you this story. I was ashamed to tell you that my own parents don't love me. I thought it might adversely influence you and convince you I'm not lovable."

Flower Girl scootched up until she could throw her legs into Gardner's lap as usual, which made him smile. "Oh my God! That is one hell of a secret! I mean, I guess I can see why you don't trot that out at parties, but shit, all I have for you is sympathy and anger on your behalf. Of course I know you're worthy of love! I wish you'd have realized that would be my response. Your parents were selfish, immature, morally corrupt, and probably insane, though I don't think them loving your or not loving you had anything to do with it. I kind of agree with you that you were better off without them. Thank God you had Calvin's family! How did you manage not to fall into the clutches of state social services?"

"Calvin's family sorted it out for me. They must have arranged to provide some sort of legal guardianship for me. I didn't ask. See, that's how dumb my parents were. Here they were thinking I was mature enough to be married and support myself and a wife and kid, and I didn't even know how to keep myself out of the foster care system."

"That's abuse, Gardner, I hope you've realized that by now."

He shrugged with some equivocation. "I don't know. Sometimes I think so and sometimes not. I mean, they _did_ take care of me for sixteen years..."

"That is the fucking bare minimum! Listen, Sweetie, my parents are still going to be my parents when I'm in my fifties. They're going to worry about me when I start having hot flashes and my children start having children. That's what normal parents do."

"I wouldn't know," he observed blandly.

"Well you _would_ know if you'd let yourself meet my family!" she huffed, squeezing his cheeks between her fingers until his lips puffed out. "They're very sorry they didn't get to shower you with presents and love this Christmas. They even had a stocking full of gifts waiting for you!"

"Yer kidding," Gardner mouthed through pinched lips.

She took her hand away from her face, laughing. "No, I'm not! My family want to welcome you anytime you're willing to come over. Sunday dinner, Easter dinner, Saturday afternoon for a walk in the park, game of Canasta with my grandmother, though I warn you, she'll kick your ass and trash talk you the whole time."

Gardner laughed. "Sounds like a little slice of heaven. Actually, she sounds a lot like Trudie."

"It's all really heavenly, Sweetie. And I'd really like to share it with you. But even if you're not ready for that, can you explain why being around my family is such a trigger to you?"

"It's just that in my religion, parents were very strict and things like birthdays were not celebrated with parties and such. They were considered worldly indulgences and a tool of the devil. And we didn't get to have Christmas at our home, because my parents were always at the church so they figured why bother with a Christmas tree at home? They just never made family affection and celebrations a priority. The only thing that mattered to them was the church and its hierarchy. They were the worst kind of religious social climbers. I'm not even sure they believed the dogma. It was more about power and prestige."

"That is truly sickening. So why does being around my family make it hard for you?"

"Because it reminds me of what I didn't have. It stabs my heart and makes me relive all the painful memories of my childhood."

"Well what if my family and I want to help you make new memories?"

"There might be something to be said for leaving the past in the past and moving forward, if I can move past my fears and upset." He took her hand and clenched it firmly. "Flower, you are my present and my future. I want to have the life we were building together, before I messed everything up. Do you think you'd be willing to give me another chance?"

She squeezed his hand back and said "Oh, Sweetie, you're making your own chances by opening up all your metaphorical rooms to me. As long as you stay open to me and tell me who you are and what you're feeling, then yes, we have a present and a future. I just want you to walk your own talk. Right from the start, you requested of me no phoniness, and said that we had to be truthful and honest. You didn't want me hiding my panic and mental health problems from you because you wanted me to trust you to take care of me. Well I only want the same level of trust and openness. Can you do that for me?"

"I think so. I'm going to try. I think getting all this yuck out of my head has helped. You didn't turn away, you didn't slough it off like it was nothing."

"Is that what Paige did?"

"Yeah, pretty much. I told her my parents left me and practically the next sentences out of her mouth were about her own parents dying and her midlife crisis woes. She was deeply uninterested in anyone's problems but her own."

"Wow, what a cunt!"

Gardner gasped. "Whoa! Turn that hostility level up to eleven!"

Flower Girl said with exaggerated patience "I save that word for only very special people, Sweetie. I think she deserves it."

He laughed and said "Yeah, I'd have to agree."

Craning her neck over the couch, Flower Girl peeked at the shopping bag Gardner had set down when he walked in. She inquired idly "So, what's in the bag?"

He jumped up. "Oh, like I said, it's your Christmas present! Can I give it to you now?"

She got up and crossed to the bookcase and pulled out a flat envelope. "Only if I can give you yours, too."

Gardner paused, a goofy smile on spreading on his face. "You got me a Christmas present?"

"Of course I did, Sweetie! Why wouldn't I? This was going to be our first Christmas together."

His smile abruptly melted into a frown. "Yes, but I ruined it."

She waved his unhappiness away. "Merely a technicality. They call it the Christmas _season_ for a reason. And we're still on Christmas Break as far as I'm concerned. So bring it on!"

He loped to the other side of the couch and grabbed his shopping bag, hefted it up and placed it on the coffee table with a resounding _thunk_.

"Wow, what have you got in there, a bowling ball?" Flower Girl asked, laughing.

It was a brown paper bag, the handles tied together with an elegant raffia bow. Tissue paper obscured what was inside. She ran to get a pair of scissors. Thus armed, she carefully snipped off the bow and said "I'm going to save that. It's practically a present on its own!"

She lifted away the tissue paper and peered inside. Gardner took over and lifted out the bag's contents. It was a tiny tree. He had bought her a Japanese bonsai. 

"You got me a tree like the ones that grow in our sanctuary!" she exclaimed.

Gardner gleamed with pride that she had immediately recognized the significance of his gift. "Got it in one. I thought it might bring some serene vibes home to your apartment."

"Oh, I think it will. And it will keep me company and up the oxygen content of the air. What a wonderful, thoughtful gift! I _lurve_ it!" She threw her arms around him and gave him a huge hug. Awkwardly, she didn't kiss him, not knowing whether she ought to or not. Instead, she pulled away and reached for the envelope she had retrieved.

She held it out to him. "Here, this is for you. Merry Christmas."

He took it and slipped it open. From it he withdrew a sheet of stamps that he didn't recognize. Flower Girl, who had been rocking back and forth on her heels excitedly, now explained their provenance and significance to him.

"That is one of the British Millennium Sets. Specifically, it's called _The Entertainers' Tale_ , though they put out several different 'Tales' for things like sport, science and technology in the year 1999. What's special about that particular set is that one of the stamps features the greatest rock god of all time, Queen's lead singer, Freddie Mercury, who you know I adore, but there's much more historical significance to that stamp, which is why I got it for you. If you look closely, you'll see that behind him on the drums is Roger Taylor. At the time of the stamp's release, Mercury was dead but Taylor is of course still alive, so it caused a huge scandal because in Britain, the only living people allowed to be on a postage stamp are members of the British Royal Family. So that's why that stamp is so special. It's like your Duke stamp you told me about – it's an anomaly."

Gardner marveled at the stamp and peered at it closely. "Wow, that's a great story. I love a good stamp, but one with an outrageous backstory is so much more satisfying. Thank you for this gift. It's literally the best gift I've ever received."

"Well, now that I've heard your life story, I realize I'm not up against very stiff competition. I'm going to have to spend my life helping to compensate for that."

Gardner shook his head. "No, don't think like that. That's not why I told you the story. I don't want your pity. Sympathy is fine, but pity is embarrassing, demeaning and useless."

"I'm sorry, Sweetie. I didn't mean for it to come across that way. I just meant that you deserve so much more love and nurturing than you got in the first part of your life, and I'd really like you to allow me to be the one to give it to you."

"Do I need to ask you to be my girlfriend again?"

She shrugged. "Couldn't hurt to let me know where I stand."

He set the stamps down on the table and took her in his arms. "Flower, I love you like no other person I've ever known before. I want to be with you every day, whether it's in person or via telephone – and I don't care if it's me calling you or you calling me – and I want to be your boyfriend who loves you and lets you roam every room in his head and heart. Will you be my girlfriend?"

"Yes, I'll be your girlfriend, Gardner, my Sweetie. I'll love you unconditionally no matter what I stumble on in those rooms, even if your dust bunnies are massive or there are ghosts that are so frightening that they make us both whimper and scream. We'll clean it all out and fight back every challenge together. I love and adore you and I feel very at home in your arms, your heart and now in your head. Thank you for trusting me with all of that real estate. I promise to take very good care of you."

"Can I kiss you now? It seemed like maybe you didn't want me to before. I wanted to wait until the time was right."

"Yes, you can kiss me. The time is perfect."

Gardner's lips locked on Flower Girl's mouth with desperate longing. He sighed with relief after a few seconds, giving way to pure contentment. He ran his hands through her hair and held her head still so that he could plunder her mouth more thoroughly.

Eventually one of his hands strayed down to her breast and cupped and squeezed it, noticing with a gasp that she wasn't wearing a bra. He jerked his head back to inspect the situation more closely, rubbing his finger over her nipple until it was poking through her t-shirt prominently. 

"Mmmm, that looks delicious. I like you being dressed like this," he observed.

She giggled and squirmed as he gave fair play to the other nipple, tweaking it and twisting it until it too stood up proudly under her t-shirt. He lowered his lips to it and nibbled at it through the material, which made her squirm even more. She gave a low moan and pressed his head against her, encouraging his attentions.

He let his fingers roam under the t-shirt and lifted it up, exposing her breasts completely, and stripped her of her t-shirt, which he threw on the floor. He buried his face in her breasts and alternated between them, stimulating them with his lips, tongue and fingers as she twitched and writhed under the pressure of his ministrations. 

"Can I have you, Flower?" he asked. "I want you."

She nodded, in too much ecstasy to verbalize her desires. 

"Can we go in your bedroom?"

She nodded again and stood up, leading the way. He walked closely behind her, never releasing his hands from her breasts as she stumbled toward the bedroom door on shaky legs. She dropped onto the bed, laying back on both elbows. Gardner whipped off his shirt.

"I want to feel you skin on skin. Is that okay?" he asked.

She said "Yes, I want that, too. Let's take everything off, Sweetie. I said you could have me."

His eyes misted over with emotion, a mix of gratitude, relief and adoration. He reached for her jeans, popped the button and slid the zipper down gingerly, tugging at them as she helped him lower them and pull them off. He left her underwear on for the time being while he attended to stripping off his own jeans. She pulled helped him pull off his boxers and finally he teasingly removed her panties, running his fingers over her crotch gently before removing them.

They were lying side by side on the bed now. He reached for her and let his fingers play with her curves, dipping and soaring with them as he traced their undulating waves. 

"Sweetie, can we do something we haven't done yet?"

"Sure, Flower. What did you have in mind?"

She hesitated, chewing her lip uncertainly. "I know you said you wanted to make things different for me when we make love, different than the way things were with Tab, and you've been just wonderful about it. I feel like we've practically been through the entire _Kama Sutra_ trying out different positions, or maybe that's an exaggeration, since I know there are more positions to try and I'm looking forward to trying them all." She paused to giggle, while Gardner gave a smirk and an eye roll. "But tonight, I'd like you to make love to me with you on top, taking control of my body."

Gardner seemed stunned and a bit wary. "Are, are you sure, Flower? I thought that was traumatic for you when Tab did it. I don't want to give you flashbacks to the way he abused you."

She shook her head. "No, it wouldn't be the same. I want to give myself over to you one hundred percent. I want you to be totally in charge and I want you to have the pleasure of that direct contact. I don't want to deprive you of it. I think if I did it that way with you, you would make it more pleasurable than he did. I don't want there to be any taboos with us. Nothing off limits. I appreciate your letting me take my time to work my way around to it, but I'm ready for it."

He looked dubious, but wanted to let Flower Girl go with her instincts. He had said he wanted to liberate her and apparently this was what she felt held the key to her freedom from fear. And he couldn't deny that it would feel amazing to make love to her in that particular way. "I want you to have control over your own destiny always, Flower. If you feel like you'll be okay with it, then it's okay with me. But let's remember what your safe word is. Tell me what you're going to say if you start to panic and you need me to stop."

She wrinkled her brow, trying to remember their agreement from months ago. "Oh, I remember. Flowers. I'll say flowers."

"Right. If you change your mind or something doesn't feel right, just say flowers. Or you can just say stop. I mean that always works, too."

"That's true. I don't think it will be necessary, Sweetie. I really meant it when I said you could have me. I want to give all of myself to you. Body, heart, mind, soul. I trust you."

"That means the world to me. I guess everything about tonight was meant to show you that I feel the same way about you. So I'm going to trust you that you know your own mind and body, and I'm going to give you exactly what you're asking me for, even though I wouldn't have done it on my own initiative. Why don't you lie back, my love?"

He eased her down on her back. For a few moments, he let his fingers play over her skin, caressing her and petting her gently. Then he let his lips make a circuit of her whole body, all her limbs, her belly, and her neck. From her neck he descended down to her breasts, where he allowed his stimulation to become less gentle and more intense. Her respiration picked up until she was panting heavily. 

While he continued to worship her breasts, he let his hand wander down between her legs and massage her love button. He wanted to bring her to the brink before he entered her to help her focus on her own pleasure and detract from any free-floating anxiety she might be feeling about his half of the equation. 

As he rubbed small circles on her clitoris with his thumb, he plunged his long middle finger into her coochie, rubbing that sensitive spot inside her and eliciting moans of delight as she clenched her thighs and pressed herself forward to meet his fingers. Her cries guided him and encouraged him as to how fast or how much pressure to apply, and he could tell she was on the brink of orgasm.

He paused and asked "Are you ready for me, Flower?"

"Yes, please, please," she begged. "Please, Gardner."

He lined himself up and slowly and gently inserted himself inside her. She wrapped her legs around his butt and urged him on further, clenching her inner muscles around his length, causing him to hiss with pleasure. Gardner raised himself up on his elbows so as not to place all his weight on her and asked "Are you okay, Girlie? You're not afraid?"

"Yes, I'm okay, Sweetie. Have at it. Take me."

He began with slow, long strokes, listening and monitoring for any distress in his beloved soulmate beneath him. Sensing nothing but contentment and excitement, he decided to venture into deeper waters and reached down, stroking her clitoris again with his finger. With a sharp intake of breath, he could feel her inner muscles contract around him in response, which made him moan deeply. She began to pant and cry out again, encouraging and begging him to continue. 

Suddenly, she jolted and dug her fingers into his back and her heels into his thighs and started pitching her hips up, causing major stimulation for him. She was climaxing and the waves of it were reverberating on his own anatomy in such a manner that he knew he wasn't long behind her. With no need to multitask anymore, he concentrated on chasing his own pleasure, and likewise now all her efforts were directed at bringing him to his conclusion. She bucked her hips up to receive him even deeper as he plunged inside her, and she encouraged him softly, saying "Take me Sweetie. Give yourself to me. I want it all for us."

Hearing those words, her request that they exchange ownership of each other, sent him over the edge. His heart had never belonged to anyone before, and never had anyone given their heart to him. And surely no one had ever given their body to him like she was doing now. Even when he'd had sex with Paige, it had been almost transactional, where he felt like she'd made use of his body to seek a quick release and satisfy her curiosity about him, and he'd used hers as an opportunity to gain sexual experience. He'd served a purpose for her and then he'd been dismissed within an hour, ultimately leaving him feeling used and abandoned. 

When he'd eked out the last reverberations of his orgasm, he heaved a great sigh of contentment. Still inside her for the moment, he relished the bond between them and sealed it with a kiss. She let him twine their tongues together, then gave him a series of small affectionate pecks.

Wearing a look of satisfaction but slight concern, he asked "How do you feel, Flower?"

She gave her own sigh that betokened not only contentment, but relief and a measure of sheer joy.

"Ohhhhh, Gardner. That was soooooo lovely. You keep showing me things that I didn't know about. I mean, of course I knew about them, I mean I didn't have any experience with them. I mean, not in a happy way. Oh, you know what I mean."

He traced shapes on her chest and smiled. "Yeah, well, I can truly say I didn't know about certain things until we did them. Like, you've at least been reading those romance novels. I've been totally clueless for most of my life, especially with my strict religious upbringing."

"Is that why you waited so long to lose your virginity?" she asked, curiosity getting the best of her.

He shrugged. "I don't know. I think I just avoided girls and then women because I had a messed up view of what it would mean if I got together with one. That I'd have to marry them right away and take care of them and start having babies. And maybe it's also because no girl ever wanted anything to do with me because I was so odd. Growing up the way I did, it made me very odd."

Flower Girl objected "Hey now, I don't think you're odd! I think you're just very unique. Maybe eccentric. But aren't we all?"

"Yeah, I like that better. Idiosyncratic. That's another good word."

"Gardner?"

"What, Flower?"

"Thank you for being such a considerate, patient lover."

Gardner blushed. "Of course. I can't even believe I'm hearing those words. I can't even believe I _am_ a lover. That I have a girlfriend. That I have a woman who loves me. That this is _my_ life."

Flower Girl pulled him down for a kiss imbued with as much love as she could pack into a simple kiss. "Please believe it, Sweetie. Please internalize it and know it deep in your soul. Make it part of your identity. That you're a lover and that you are loved. Because it's true."

"I'll try. I'll tell you one thing that does come easy for me."

"What's that?"

"Loving you."


	17. Chapter 17

"Are you sure she's not going to be annoyed with us dropping by on Valentine's Day night? Flower Girl asked Gardner.

Gardner smirked "Probably, but I owe her this case of heartburn and she owes me a chewing out, so we'll be even. Besides, once she sees I have a gift in my hand, she'll simmer down."

Gardner rang Trudie's doorbell and then reclaimed his hold on Flower Girl's hand. A long moment passed before they could hear Trudie muttering "Who the fuck is dropping by unannounced on _this_ night, of all nights?" Trudie finally yanked open her door and saw her visitors and rearranged her expression from blazing mad to slightly less pissed off.

"Oh, it's you, Gardner. And your lovely girl. Humph. Well, what do you want? I'm kind of, you know, busy." She gave an exaggerated wink and nodded her head towards the bedroom.

They looked at her and noticed she was wearing a silky red kimono covered with birds, and apparently nothing else. Suddenly Gardner's confidence in his plan wavered.

He said "Uhm, well, I came by to give you your Valentine's Day gift and to tell you that Flower and I _did_ make it to this day after all. You said you wouldn't bet money on us getting this far." He had a look on his face that was equal parts triumphant and hangdog pleading for acknowledgment. At this moment, Trudie was more like a surrogate mother than his best friend.

She stepped outside and gave them each a hug. "I'm real happy for both of you two. I take it you finally really talked about everything?" She bent a beady eye on Gardner, pinning him like a butterfly specimen to a piece of corkboard.

"Yeah, I told her everything. All about my messed up parents and their crazy religious beliefs and them getting banished and leaving me behind."

Flower Girl added "And he's promised not to keep any more secrets from me. I get to roam through all his rooms now."

Trudie shot her a look of confusion.

"His mental and emotional rooms," Flower explained. "I have keys to all of them. An all access pass. No more scary monsters locked in the cellar. Or more to the point, all the doors are open. No keys necessary."

Trudie nodded approvingly. "Well that's good to hear. Not like them monsters were that scary to begin with. Were they?"

Gardner sidled up to Flower Girl and brought her in close to his body, enveloping her in a hug. "Not with someone who loves me to help me face them down. Someone as extraordinary and exquisite as the love of my life, my soulmate, my Flower Girl."

Flower Girl blushed but accepted all the accolades she felt she had earned with patience, tears and her ferocious loyalty and devotion.

Trudie wryly observed "You two are just right for each other. Just the same amount of fucked up and adorable."

Flower Girl laughed and said "Hey, you don't even _know_ all the details of my baggage yet, so you have no idea how right you are." She said shyly "I hope you'll give me the opportunity to get to know you better, Trudie. Everyone who is important to Gardner is important to me. You've brought such love and light to his life, and I kind of think you helped save us, kicking his ass seven ways to Sunday and making him open himself up fully to me."

Trudie said "Hey, you're welcome any time, lady. But just not right the fuck _now_! I've got some lovin' to do. Your timing is spectacularly shit, you two!"

They laughed at her usual blunt frankness.

Gardner held out a heart-shaped box of candy and offered it to her.

"Okay, okay, we're going. We've got our own plans, too. But I just felt like I needed to close the circle with you. This is my first official Valentine's Day celebration after all and it's a big deal for me."

Trudie accepted the chocolates and stared at the box for a few moments. When she lifted her gaze again, there were a few tears in her eyes.

Gardner pleaded "Don't cry, Trudie. I didn't mean to make you sad."

She scoffed. "I ain't cryin,' kid! My eyeballs are sweaty! I'm just happy for you two. Glad you're getting on with your life, finding your bliss. Now git! I'm sure you have some of your own lovin' to do tonight."

They each hugged her and waved goodbye as she paused at her front door once more before closing it.

Gardner said "She's good people. I'm lucky to have her in my life."

Flower Girl agreed. "I think without her I wouldn't have you, so I will second that sentiment."

"Are you ready for our Valentine's Day date, Flower?"

She rubbed her hands together and hopped up and down. "Yes, I'm ready! Now where are you taking me?"

"I was going to take you sailing, but that's dangerous at night, so I got us a rowboat instead. Is that okay?"

Flower Girl swooned. "It's perfect."

They made their way down to the river where Gardner had a dinghy waiting for them. He had a supply of blankets and pillows and a flashlight just in case, plus some snacks and drinks.

Once he had rowed them a ways out on the water, he stopped and they settled themselves down in the bottom of the boat to cuddle and float and watch the sky and the stars.

After a little while, Gardner reached for the flashlight and turned it on.

"Oh, spoilsport," Flower Girl moaned, "I can't see the stars too well if you turn that on."

Gardner said "Sorry, but I have something I want to read to you."

She felt a zing in her belly and her attitude altered immediately. "Oh! That's fine then. Read away!"

He reached for a paperback book and started flipping through it. She craned her neck to see what it was. It was an anthology of poetry. That swoony feeling returned.

He found the page he was looking for and said "Okay, I want to read you this poem. I thought it captured very well my feelings about love and you and us. I thought about writing you a love letter, but I think maybe I'm not eloquent enough for that."

Pursing her lips in disagreement, Flower Girl said "I don't know about that. But go ahead. Read me the poem. Who wrote it?"

"e.e. cummings is the author. You know, the guy who doesn't capitalize anything."

She nodded her head in recognition. "Yeah, I know who he is. I'm slightly obsessed with the Lost Generation and the expatriate Americans like him who lived and worked in Paris during the 20s and 30s. I wish I could find a romance novel set in that period."

Gardner smiled and suggested "Maybe you ought to write it."

Flower Girl huffed out a guffaw of laughter. "Wow, I've never really thought about it. I don't know, I guess I've read enough of them to know how to construct one, but I'm not sure my imagination is good enough to come up with a plot, and as for my writing skills..."

Gardner said "But you just came up with a setting already, and as for testing your writing skills, maybe you should be the one writing _me_ a love letter for practice."

Flower Girl countered "Let's write each other one and we can both practice."

"Can I start with this romantic gesture first?" Gardner huffed with mock impatience.

She waived her hand. "Of course, proceed. I think this is the most romance I've ever been exposed to in real life already, so go ahead and keep on heaping it on. I'm already floating on a cloud of bliss."

Gardner's lips twitched up into a satisfied smile. "Good. Here we go:

_i carry your heart with me (i carry it in]_

_by e. e. cummings_

_i carry your heart with me (i carry it in  
my heart) I am never without it (anywhere  
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done  
by only me is your doing, my darling)  
i fear_

_no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet ) i want  
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)  
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant  
and whatever a sun will always sing is you_

_here is the deepest secret nobody knows  
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud  
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows  
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)  
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart_

_i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)_

"I noticed that the poem mentions a deep secret. Was that on purpose?"

Gardner nodded. "Yes. I wanted to make reference to that part of our story. I never meant for it to be something that came between us, my secret, but the way you handled that adversity showed me just how hard you are willing to work to make us work. I know it hurt you so deeply, but that adversity drew us together and gave me the reassurance I would have eventually sought because of my own insecurities. I'll try to never put you through anything like that again."

She reached out and stroked his cheek with her palm. "Oh my sweet boy, I know you've been through horrors in your life. So have I. But we're building a strong foundation now. As long as we trust each other and honor each other and love each other."

"Those sound like vows," Gardner observed.

Flower Girl got flustered. She withdrew her hand and started nervously tangling it in her other one. "Oh, well, I mean, I didn't mean to make it sound like anything heavy like that, I mean, especially given what you went through with your parents trying to marry you off. Don't worry, I'm not trying to pin you down or anything."

He reached for her hand and drew it back towards him. "I know, Girlie. Frankly, I'm the one who already said I want to spend all my days with you. You didn't really pick up on that I guess."

She stared at him slack-jawed. "Uhm, no, I didn't read anything into that. I just thought you meant you wanted to hang out as much as possible. Didn't you?"

He nodded. "Yes. But I do want to have a future with you, when the time comes. We both have some growing up to do and we have school to finish and our dreams to chase, but I want you to know that I'm serious about us. So yes, I do vow to love you and honor you and trust you."

"Wowza," she gulped heavily, temporarily lost for words.

"I take it that's a positive reaction?" he asked, grinning at his ability to leave her nonplussed for once.

"Yes, that's a good wowza," she assured him. She slid over to him gingerly, careful not to tip the boat over, and wrapped her arms around his neck. She looked deep into his hazel eyes for a moment, then planted a tender kiss on each cheek, then each eyelid, then on his adorable pointy nose.

"Are you going to leave my lips starving for attention?" he whined.

"Nope. Just saving the best for last."

She took a moment to turn off the flashlight, then moved in for a slow, sensuous kiss.

He paused and whispered in her ear " _and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart, i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)._ "


	18. Chapter 18

Dear Flower,

I've never written a love letter, so this may be really disappointing. But it's from the heart, and that can never be really inadequate, right? Anyway, this being a love letter, my purpose is to let you know how much I love you (duh). You know already that I finally became willing to bare my soul to you. But before I could do that, I had to find my soul, which I couldn't have done without your help. You just have this way about you, this kindness, this gentle manner, combined with a firm and principled commitment to a set of standards, which I respect so much. You help me be my best self in ways I didn't even know.

I hope you don't mind and it won't offend you if I take a moment to comment on how beautiful I think you are. When I saw you for the first time, you took my breath away. You are the most gorgeous woman I've ever laid eyes on. I can't believe I have the privilege to hold you in my arms, never mind make love to you.

Being with you makes my heart soar and makes me feel good about myself. The fact that you let me take care of you is especially satisfying. I spent a lot of my life running away from that type of responsibility, but with you it's a pleasure. My life is just better in every way with you in it. I hope you'll want to stick around and I'll do whatever I can to make you happy so that you will want to.

I love you dearly. Happy Anniversary.

Love, Gardner

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Dear Sweetie,

This is the first love letter I've ever written, but maybe it will be a good warmup for that romance novel you seem to think I'm competent to write. It's so kicky to think I have a boyfriend who has agreed to swap love letters. That makes you a very extraordinary man indeed. I hope you realize that. Majorly swoony and romantic!

I know I don't have a lot of experience with real life boyfriends, but I've read a ton of romance novels, and believe me when I say that you stand up to all the literary romantic heroes I've read about and in fact you surpass them. The reason why you're better than they are is because you're mine! Hahaha!

But seriously, you're such a caring, tender person. From the first moment I met you, when we were perfect strangers, you showed me such compassion when I was having that panic attack. You were so mindful and took such great care of me, and it's only gotten better and more intense the more we've gotten to know each other and grown to care for each other. There are so many clichés I could use to describe you, but having a heart of gold comes to mind.

Another point in your favor is that you definitely have a romantic streak in you. That boat ride you took me on for Valentine's Day. Whisking me away to a bed and breakfast for a weekend getaway. Taking me for a picnic in a field of flowers. Remembering that we joked about writing each other write love letters and suggesting that we do it to mark our anniversary. Even remembering the date of the first time we went out together so that we have an anniversary to celebrate! That's super-romantic. You really do the footwork to make this relationship special and joyful.

I hope I won't embarrass you, but I do need to say it since I'm enumerating your romance novel hero credibility that you are sexy as all get-out and very handsome, too. Your hair is what got me hooked on you right away. I know, being a redhead myself, that you're going to say ho hum what's the big deal, but it's not that. You're not just a redhead. Your hair is magical. It's kind of brown and kind of red, so I guess it really qualifies as auburn or titian, but it sort of glows from within and it makes me kind of melt when I look at it. And your hazel eyes also change colors, too, depending on the light and your mood. So you are like one of those shapeshifting heroes that get me all hot and bothered. Not to mention what the feel of your body does to me, but I don't know if I'm ready to write smut yet, so I'll leave it at that. (Smirk)

That first night we got together, when you asked me to be your girlfriend, I asked you how long you thought it took to fall in love. You were very coy about it, but so was I. I was probably mostly already in love with you already. You've since told me that you felt the same way, too. Knowing that now makes me feel so sure that we're meant to be together, and it gives me confidence in how we've gone about managing this relationship. But there's still this little part of me that feels like this could all be too good to be true. But that's okay because it spurs me on to try every day to earn your trust and love. I try to do right by you and remember the vows we've already made. Loving you is a conscious choice and an absolute pleasure, something I never take for granted. I think that's how life should be lived. You're one of my blessings that I count every day.

I love you so much, my Sweetie. Happy Anniversary.

Love, your Flower Girl


	19. Chapter 19

Thank you for reading another story about Flower Girl and Gardner. I appreciate your interest in my take on this charming character from the movie Dear Sidewalk and the original female character I created with whom he could find true love.

I will be writing some one shots about their relationship as it goes forward. It's called [Gardner & Flower Girl One Shots](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27861505) and it will be updated from time to time, not weekly as the first two volumes have, so please subscribe so that you will get notified when a new story goes up. The first story is now published and it's a doozy featuring Paige!


End file.
